Yeah...stbxh That Is

I awoke after sleeping fitfully today and thought okay 2nd day....he's not here...he abandoned me...without telling me to my face. He is a liar and coward...acting the part...he planned this...he is a player...I cant believe he did this. After so long being married...he is worthless...dead to me....he at least left the state....I have no idea to where..only contact I have is an Email and txt..until he cancel's the phone...he in his 3 page note wants a Divorce. No separation when it all went down on Thursday...methodically acting like it was okay....cuddling with me on Wed night..holding me kissing me softly..just acting loving..Thursday morning when he dropped me off at work kissed me hard and said I am sorry and Waved to me when he drove away..(of which I thought because night before we were discussing how I would go with him anywhere but I just cant leave with no money..he is unemployed..has been for 2 years)..then went home packed whatever he could...and shipped whatever he could..and left ....our 11 year relationship..and 8.5 year marriage he doesnt tell me where he went..I have a gut feeling that he went to some girl he has friend online...21 years old he is 33...cause she is his BFF.yeah whatever I think he has been playing this role for a long time..(yeah I knew I knew..shame on me..thinking you were trying)I tried...I really tried to be accepting..cause he said he loves me and wants to be with me...and she was just a friend..yet he left and didnt even tell me where he was going...I mean if he said I am going to stay with my Mom or Brother or Uncle....(only family members he has left) I would be like huh okay ...and be able to have closure on that...But no....silence as to where he was (this was on Thursday) ..I told him on Thursday...via text cause talking is bad...fine you chose your path..send me the Divorce papers..his response I will look into it in a few weeks when i get its txt no calls no emails to me...he is with her I think..His silence speaks volumes..and looking at the stuff he left behind...and just stuff that was gone prior too...he planned this all along...His guilt on how he treated me and how this went down will hopefully eat him alive...Okay here is the thing though...HE wants a divorce.. He can send me the papers ....However how long is this going to take....He has no money...I cant even in the future send divorce papers myself because HE HASNT TOLD ME WHERE HE IS...he is sneaky...He is with her...Also..i noticed that the love notes I used to write to him on post its..(cute little things...bleh makes me ill) have been torn to shreds and are in the garbage...thats what makes me think this is totally final...This makes me so mad...Makes me think he never really loved me...makes me feel like I wasted SO MANY YEARS of my Life on this Loser of a man...

I keep ping ponging from emotions to emotions I am sorry I am re venting the same but this is a place where I can come to vent and express my thoughts..this morning...I am a mixed bag......

I am sad...I think that I am going to be alone in my life...going to have noone to share my life and be loved....he shattered me..and my trust...I think how can I go to the Gym on Monday...when it was something we did together...we ran together...we looked out for each other...there at the gym..and the staff there would always say wheres your cohort....Now I have to be brave (without bursting into tears) and go in and remove him from the by myself..lift weights by myself...its just upsetting...I dont want to ....but also my self is stating YOu need to Keep doing this..You need to just go...even if I go and run for 2 minutes and then go and cry in the locker room..its a I am working on this...I am going to go I dont want to....physically it makes me mill thinking about people knowing ..he threw me away like a piece of trash..our live together meant nothing.

It just makes me mad....Its only day two and I am upset but I am so Pissed off...I cant even talk to him and pretty much scream at him what a coward he was..and a liar..(but I did leave a vm message to this effect the day of ) I am cleaning out the stuff he left behind...however I start to do so..then I get sad...and have to stop..cause I keep thinking how he used me...How he is just living it up with he said he was trying in our marriage but he really he said he loved me...but he just he feels that the grass is greener on the other side with her...but then I think...well the grass isnt always greener on the other side...he may think it is..but he just didnt want to try...

so besides being heartbroken and sad.. I AM SO ANGRY AT MY DARE he do this to ME..I deserved so much more. So much more....While he is living it up..I am left shattered and broken..picking up all stuff he left behind...and fixing it...where it just keeps redigging into my heart and reopening the wound..
Tzodiana Tzodiana
31-35, F
6 Responses Jul 17, 2010

Thank you. Yes my life has changed and its so for the better. I am so much happier now than I have ever been. Its wonderful!

Yes that blows and he is a useless individual. 2 years unemployed? He didn't leave you he liberated you! Throw a party take charge of your life. I say move on and never look back. Your life is on the upswing now. Congratulations!

Hes going to get whats coming to him. Yes for now its all fun and games for him, give it a few months, he'll learn that's hes too old for her and she will probably do the same thing to him that he did to you. (Im guessing he didnt know this girl in person prior to all this, im guessing it was just an online/phone thing...) From that guess they wont last long because you're a totally different person online then you are in person. I just have this feeling its not going to work out the way he had hoped and even if one day he tells you it all worked out great hes probably lying. Karma will kick his ***.

thank you to you both...Eventhough I am hurt and heartbroken and feel like my world has shattered...if he ever asks to return to me I do know in my heart.. I am not taking him back. He made his bed..he has to lie in it... he chose his path....and he has to deal with it. Yes I am hurting yes I am an emotional basket case...but I am NOT taking him back. Whats done is matter how much I love or loved him.

His actions are inexcusable Tzodiana. Leaving like this without discussing things with you. At the very least, you deserved a discussion about his plans as they affect your life and I understand your anger. This was not a respectful way to end the relationship even if there were serious problems. Mature people try to do the least harm possible. You will be angry and then feel hurt and perhaps embarrassed at how he chose to do this but it is his choice and no reflection on you. I hope that you find some peace of mind through all of this. Know that life will get better even if it is hard right now. You are a beautiful woman who has accomplished a lot so far so keep going. You will get through this. Hugs,D.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through all this. I'm sorry that you are hurting. You do deserve much more than this. But you will not be alone forever. You have a lot going for you, and good things will happen. Just take one day at a time, try to think positively, focus on the good parts of your life. You will be fine. But do not be surprised if his new life does not work out as he hoped, and he comes crawling back to you. Then it will be time for you to decide if you really want him back. Hope you have a peaceful night.