Don't Know What To Do

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years.  We met in 2001 shortly after 9/11 (I had JUST moved to NYC days before 9/11).  9/11 changed a lot about the way I saw life, and I really felt like I wanted to be closer to my family.  My husband also wanted out of NYC, and so we moved back to my native New Orleans in 2003.  It was so awesome being able to see my parents (who I am very close to) and my little brother and his growing family whenever I wanted/needed to.  PLus, I have a ton of friends who I have known since grade school or high school still living there.  My husband, however, had a rough time.  He had very little work while we were there - he works in the music business (which is having major troubles, as I am sure many peopel already know).  However, my career as an actress really took off.  In 2005, you guessed it, we lost our home and everything in it to the floods after HUrricane Katrina.

My husband insisted that we move.  After many super loud and heated fights, I agreed - feeling like I had to choose between my family and my marriage.  I chose my marriage.  We moved to a town we both "agreed" on, though my heart broke. 

You see, I really wanted my kids ot grow up around their grandparents.  Both sets - not just my parents.  And now we live somewhere where we have NO FAMILY and I had to start all over with friendships.

My agony over this increased greatly once our first child was born, and then got even worse when within two months of my son's birth my beloved Mom was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.  She is doing ok now - but it has been a rough 2 years.  I felt even more "WHY AM I HERE????"

In addition, I have had very little luck up until now getting a job here.  My husband had a very good first year and a half - but has barely worked AT ALL in the last two years.  The result is we have gone thru all our savings, there is a lien on our house due to back taxes owed to the IRS, and we have credit card bills we cannot pay.

I now have a job, and bargained for hours that would keep me from missing out on too much time with my now 2 year-old son.  My husband was also a pothead.  Though he doesn't think he was a pothead.  He compares his pot use to my use of LEXAPRO for the anxiety I have (which has gone thru the ROOF since we left New Orleans, left my family behind, and moved to a town where we had no family, friends, or jobs....hmmmmmmmmm. . . wonder why????) 

I find myself full of despair.  I want my family around.  I am tired of waiting for him (he's 40!!) to get his act together and start making money to support this family.  I am tire dof not getting te support I need.  I am 34 years old - I gave up my dream of acting to get a job (which I love by they way!) but I gave up my big dream because I knew I had to support the family. 

I could just go on and on.  And I don't want to have sex with him - I am angry and sad.  And this just fuels his anger and resentment toward me. 

After my son was born, I believed he would help out and really be there for me - instead, he escaped to the studio and smoked pot - not all the time, mind you, but really often.  I am so so so so tired.........
gemininightshade gemininightshade
31-35, F
1 Response Jul 28, 2010

Thank you for sharing your story, I hope you find comfort and support here.<br />
Best wishes Trik x