What Is Going On? Am I Alone On This?

I am reaching out to see if anyone has any experience, advice, suggestions, or anything on this matter.  Please look at my list and help me on any topic you know of.

1.  I have been dating my childrens father on and off for the last 7 years. I am 23, he is 30.  He bought a ring 3 years ago.  Made up excuses for not giving it to me, and appologizes for making them.  Now he says, we just started working things out again. We have 3yr. old twin boys. And we did buy a house together, which he put us out of several times.

2.  When anything be it my fault or not, his temper consists of, talking to me like I am an idiot, saying what he wants to say and will completely ignore my view, or tell me that I don't make sense. He curses God, because his car won't start or something material in his life has a problem. When it is not my fault he takes it out on me mostly, and sometimes the children. But he admits that he shouldn't.

3.  He gets angry whenwe don't have sex.

4. After a bad day (again my fault or not), his attitde in general, make me feel like I am not wanted there.  I am a convenience for sex, support (even thought I am his vent), to see his children without having to really pay for or do anything with them, and I feel like Iam just familiar.

5. When we go our own way, it seems like he treat his other female friends better.  He does nothing of that to them. I know that for a fact. They go out, they do activities at his house.  Those things make me feel like, I don't compare. Why doesn't he try and take me out? Why doesn't he talk to them that way? He can collect himself around them, why not me? I think I should leave again, but I am always afraid that he will treat them better.

6. He hasn't supported our children in the last 8 months or kept contact with them.  I let him back in to give him another chance. We moved back in, but I pay for daycare, I take then to and from on the metro, he has 3 vehichles.  I buy their clothes and shoes, I take care of them even though I get home (with them) the latest. They are also on my health insurance. I make 17 dollars PH. He makes 28 dollars PH.

7. He won't put my name onthe house because the doesn't thinkthat it is fair that if we do not work, I would get half of what he has invested in. But he wants me to pay the utilities. Is that fair when I pay for everything else for the children. All he gets is the groceries ($100 is as far as he goes), and okay I give him credit on the $1500.00 mortgage.  But it seems like I am contributing to the utilities for the house, all the childrens needs, but what about him helping with them as well?  I know he pays the more expensive mortgage, but I am right behind him in childcare expenses, and I make less. I ahve also been supporting them on my own not living there for 8 months at one time, and a year and a half another (when he didn't want to deal with "the situation"). But he wants to claim them or at least one on his taxes.

8. He is so worried about his house being clean, that he gets angry when the children get fingerprints on something as small as the toilet seats or one had a bloody nose (he freaked aboutt he carpet, not his nose).


What is going on?

almbarnes almbarnes
22-25, F
19 Responses Feb 23, 2007

I went through this same situation with the same type of man, or should I say; man with who acts like a child. I know how you are feeling, worrying about how good he treats other women, and you want that to be you, but it won't be you. I'm so sorry to say that, but he will always be "that nice guy" to keep up appearances. You have got to let him go and file for child support. Don't waste another minute on a man who won't respect you. I'm serious, for your own emotional well being, stand up straight, and find somewhere to go. While you are doing this, never forget how he has treated you and your boys and all the mean words he has spoken.
He will continue to say things too, but don't worry. He won't file for custody of the boys, even though he will probably say he will. He might get a lawyer, but you can too. Just a bunch of bullshit to keep you where he wants you, doing his housework and raising his kids for free. You are worth so much more. Find your self worth and move on before the boys take on some of his qualities.

You need to be rid of him and his abusive ways. If he can't treat you as well as he treats others now, he never will. The man is poison and you need to take yourself and your children out of that toxic environment.

He sounds like a major douchebag...and no ofense, it sounds like he doesn't respect you at all. As long as you allow him to treat you that way he will continue to.<br />
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My advice - you have kids with him right? just because he won't put your name on the deed to the house doesn't mean you can't get what you deserve <br />
(honestly, you're better off NOT having your name on the deed, once you do you become responsible as well if the mortgage is defaulted on.) Just because you aren't married, doesn't mean he won't have to pay child support if you leave him! It's probably the best thing you could do for yourself AND your kids. You deserve better girlfriend...

I would dump him like a big fat turd,,,lol,,,get out of there girl he sound so bad,,,and you are allowing him to bully you in to thinking you need him,,,and you don't you might even find someone who could make you and the kids very happy,,,so stand up for your self and don't take any more of his crap,,,Love and Light Mary

it is a blessing that he didnt put your name on the house that way if you split you dont have to worry about the mortgage.You can just take off he needs prof help.I think all men do because they are egoistic maniacs.and they dont give crapp about their wives and family.I hate my husband and would dump him if it wasnt for my kids.

I think you are in a relationship with a younger version of my husband. Leave, leave now and nail him for child support ASAP!

You know you can do it without him. Get a lawyer and child support and stop hoping and wishing he'll change. He's an idiot for treating his family this way, and God will judge him for it. In the meantime please know he doesn't deserve you. It's not the other way around. You shouldn't serve to be antagonized by a rival such as he.

This is a very unhealthy situation for all involved. YOur children are learning things about life every single day. It is so important to have a healthy environment for them. Boys learn how to treat women and girls learn how to be treated. YOU NEED TO LEAVE! If he wants to change he will do so without you jeopardizing yourself and your children. If you want to still see one another you need to set some boundaries for him and if he can not show positive change, you need to move on. Do not waste your life and your children's informative years on negative stimuli. Maybe you should get the book Boundaries in Marriage (even if you are not married, it can help you see where you need to be in order to have a healthy relationship with a man).

A very wise man told me once that men never change and women always do. Leave him, make your change, or be unhappy and complaining about it for decades.

This is my take.... he has a house that he lets you and the children live in. the children may be his biologically, but not in an emotionally committed way. therefore the children really (in his eyes) are yours, extentions of you. Sure he is willing to put out $100 dollars per week or month, but even per week you are probably putting out more sexually than what he would be able to buy for $100. Face it, you are emotionally committed to someone who has you in his life simply for the service you give him. If he spends time with other women of course he is going to treat them better than you... you are just the **** he uses. You aren't even a woman... just a thing. When you can accept that then you may be able to move on and find hope once more.

I feel bad and sad for you. You are in an abusive relationship. Walk away rigtht away and take care of yourself and you kids. A man like this will never change. There is something wrong with this man mentally and emotionally. This man is capable of hurting you (physically). I beg you to walk away from this man.....

ok so ive been married for 7 years we have 2 girls 4 & 2 . and i f**king hate this man! he doesnt help at all with house work , but loves to show off his home 2 his moron family & friends. he has no clue how depressing it is to have worked all your life and then have 2 stay home now with the kids cause we have no one 2 watch them. he preferes his job rather than come home and put his kids 2 sleep. he pretends 2 b such a nice guy 2 everyone who doesnt know him but hes really just a frikin *****! he tells his kids hes going 2 b home at at certain time and then decides to stay at work and forget his family. if i had somewhere 2 go i would have left him a long time ago. my teeth itch to bite his face when hes near me. im so lonley that i want 2 have an affair. i hate ,hate, hate him with so much passion that it makes me cry! i wish i could b selfish & just leave but my kids would suffer cause he has no clue how 2 really care for them. i hate his family! i hate his friends! I HATE HIS JOB! i hate everything about him. i even hate the way he breathes!!!!!!!! i used 2 b so popular and skinny and fun i always had somewhere 2 go on the weekends , now i dont know one day from the other my life is so bland that i have cut my self a few times just to feel something ,anything.. you think that scared him? not really life went on as usual! i feel so alone and lost like i dont exist. im like a doormat that has no function but to wipe your feet on. i thought we would b in love 4 ever but once we bought the house and had the kids hes like someone i dont know. even sex means nothing(when and if we have it) i used to fantasize while doing it with him but now i just dont want him 2 touch me. he gave me a yeast infection with his dirty *** finger nails and claims it was probably me that was dirty! nice right? what great husband material. he never stands up 4 me . some one could say something about me right in front of his face and he wont stand up 4 me . hes cheap. he gets upset when i spend $ but he has no clue how much it is 2 shop 4 food or neccessities of course not cause he doesnt do anything sometimes i wish i would go 2 sleep and never wake up. but i know my girls wold suffer with him as the only surviving parent . hes such a punk that he would probably move to his parents so they could care for them. i hate him. i hate him. i hate him. god please give me strength!

This sounds like a terribly abusive relationship. I'm sorry you're going through this. I would see a lawyer, even though you're name isn't on the house you may have legal rights to it, knowing you're rights may help give you some security and leverage.

actually I was married... Funny story now though... it made me a strong lady... I can handle a lot!<br />
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I was suppose to be getting married to my oldest son's father, but he accused me so much of my ex-hubby that I left and asked him out... pure spite, but ended up getting married to him instead! It started the day I said I do... I have watched him bring ****** in my house and my bed so many time I started cooking extra... in a way it didn't bother me cause I didn't have to have sex with him... can't believe I was sooooo stupid back then, but we life and learn! <br />
Everything was my fault... even when I wasn't around... IT WAS MY FAULT!!!! Took it in and sucked it up... surprised I truly made it out alive, but I did... after time he supposedly started my house on fire, but still have no clue of that truth! He soon left after without a word really!<br />
Anyhow... we both grew-up over the years and now... one of my best friends... weird how life goes sometimes!

Not married, but somewhat... sometimes... I do feel like that!

I agree with angrybee. You can do so much better. You don't have to take this at all. If you don't get out for yourself, get out for your kids. They don't deserve this and neither do you. Happiness is yours. Go and be happy.

Believe it or not you are in an abusive relationship. Both of you need to seek relationship therapy together to find healthy ways to communicate. If he's not willing, you need to move on at least for your childrens sake. You are doing nothing but submitting them as well as yourself to mental and possible physical abuse.

I have the same situation...and for awhile..it hurt so bad, but I realized that my mate feels so bad about himself....he has poor self- esteem, and to make himself feel better he has to put me down so that my self esteem is lower than his. I would suggest researching the topic narcissictic men online...I did 2 years ago..and it opened my eyes.

Sounds like a jerk. He probably feels like a piece of **** inside. If he doesn't, there's no hope for that relationship in my opinion... He just feels comfortable enough with you to treat you like that. And it doesn't sound like you respect yourself very much. I would say you should use him right now for what you can get while getting yourself in the best shape of your life (gym, etc...), try to make yourself beautiful on the outside, all the while trying to find someone who will treat you and your kids right... Who knows, maybe through this you will develope self respect and he may change...