My Mother Favors My Older Sister, So Does Everyone Else Apparently...I love my mother, i think. She's always there - wait, no she's not. She supports what i want to do with my career - oh no, she doesn't do that. She appreciates me - nope. She congratulates me when i do well - nu uh.
My mum favors my sister so much that it hurts. She buys her clothes when she doesn't need them, then refuses to buy me a shirt when i desperately need some more clothes. My mother adores my sister. She's 2 years older then me, and is treated like a queen. I get the blame for things that weren't my fault, when we have a fight and she takes it too far or I hit her, I get yelled at SO much that sometimes I go in my room and have a good cry. I NEVER EVER cry in front of my family, because I don't want to give them the satisfaction that they're hurting me. But I feel comfortable crying in front of my friends, and I'm not afraid to curl up with my boyfriend and shed a tear. One of my friends believes that I'm gonna start taking drugs and drinking cos of the way it kills me.
Once, I got above 9 on my Naplan. 9 is the highest you an get where i go to school, and it was in English and writing. I want to be writer, and a journalist when I grow up so this is great for my career! I showed my mother and she nods and congratulates me, but it's forgotten 3 minutes later. A couple of weeks later, my sister tells my mother that she got a 9 on her Naplan for maths. She wants to be a civil engineer, so this is good for her career, but it isn't as good as mine. My mother smiles and goes on and on about how its so great and its good for her. After 2 minutes I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying and plugged in my iPod and turned the volume up so it could drown up my mother and my sister. A couple of hours later at dinner, mum brings it up to my dad and goes on and on again to my dad. My dad smiles and congratulates her too. After 3 minutes more of talking about it mum looks at me and says "Oh and you got a nine too so that's good for your stories." I felt hurt. She forgot my Naplan results and under appreciated me, and then had the nerve to over appreciate my big sister. It also hurt cos the night before, I was printing out my book in draft, it wasn't using much ink and it was the first time I'd printed out a real book, sorta. Then my Mum comes in and yells, saying im wasting ink with this stupid story. I went into my room and cried almost all night because she called my dreams stupid and a waste of paper.
She's never there when I need her to be there. She's always at work or something, yet she still finds the time to go and support my sister in everything. She missed my graduation because she was down in Brisbane, and she knew she would miss it. To get back at her, I bought another dress and wore that one to grad, instead of the one she bought me. my dad doesn't support my music either. I was playing at an awards night, and I wanted him to see me perform, as my mother thinks I suck at singing and playing and my sister is a brilliant singer when she is tone deaf. i wanted to prove something important, and they weren't there. My dad didn't go because my sister didn't want to go so he had to stay home. My friend's mum took me instead. My mum was - obviously - at work and couldn't make it either. They didn't even say sorry or said they wished they were there. At the end of the night, all the kids were hugging their parents and I stood off and watched, wishing I could parents and siblings like theirs. My boyfriend hugged me from behind, cos he knew what I was thinking. He was there for his little sister, and both his parents had come to it. Eve when one they did come to my performance, my mum said that our band wouldn't last long and people wouldn't show up for practice and my dad said my guitar was a LITTLE out of tune. They didn't say congratulations and didn't even mention my solo where i sang.
My room is the smallest, and my sister's is the biggest, though I need more room to put the music stuff. It's always crowded and stuff, but I'm always in it cos its my getaway. The only thing that keeps me sane is my friends, my boyfriend, my music and my writing, they're the only things and ones that keep me from running away or breaking down completely. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have music. I have no idea what to do. My Dad is great, but he doesn't stick up for me and he KNOWS that my mum treats me unfairly but he only hugs me afterwards. I love him, but he just doesn't do enough.
I play Netball. My sister plays hockey. I play hockey and touch and soccer as well, but Netball is my main sport. I play club netball. My sister and I both trialed for an elite sports team for our chosen sport (hockey and Netball) My mum said she wouldn't be surprised if I didn't get in and she said she wouldn't be surprised if my sister did! She basically told me that she didn't think I was good at Netball and she thought my sister was fantastic in Hockey. Yet she's never been to ONE of my games. Never. She doesn't know that my coach has been recommending me to the NQ team for the past 2 years, and I've only been playing 2 years. She doesn't know how good I am at it. Yet she's been to almost all of my sister's hockey games and she knows almost everyone else on her team. My dad come to my games, But most times when I look off the field to see where he is, he's on the phone for work.
Funnily enough, I got in, so did she. My mum was surprised and then looked bored when she found out that Talia - my sister - was in. Its 2012 so this year I'm desperate to show how good I am.
But I have mixed feelings about this. Over the holidays I thought about it and decided that I didn't need my mother's approval, but after more things happening, I know I don't need it, but I would love to show her one day that she was wrong about me. One day I will show her. One day I'll prove to her that I am everything she thinks I'm not.