My Husband Is a Jerk!

My husband is such a freaking jerk!  He has absolutely NO respect for me or my feelings!

Man, I could just kick his butt right out the damn door.

He doesn't CARE if we are sexless... I told him it is a BASIC HUMAN NEED and he doesn't care!

God, what am I supposed to do?????? 

Why do I stay?  Why do I keep breathing?  Somedays it seems that nobody cares!



Cheleanne Cheleanne
66-70, F
118 Responses Aug 18, 2007

Yeah I get ask n he makes 15$ hr he says hey IMA take u to a hotel so he shows up late n I pay for room thinking hell reimburse me. He didn't. Then I had to pay for a tire he takes my truck every day to work I'm alone n woods all day. It breaks n he gets rides n I'm screwed . I pay for gas n overdraft. He should reimburse me. I pay for storage and insurance full coverage. He knows it's all I have. I really want to do nice things for my kids. I cook n clean. He promises to take me to movie but andalone. I tell him this he got mad n says i should act limke a lady. I grew up in foster care i do my best. Th we nhe suggestsmaby imeshouldhave oralsex with the lady next door. Im so discusted.have no hot water i hate it. Help me!!!drinks beer with his buddies. I amsad

I understand ur feelings mine is same way. This mourning I woke up to him yelling at me bout the trash can. Then when I went back to sleep I woke up to him stealing my money. Then I couldn't go back to sleep cause he left every light in our house on. If that wasn't enough he pulled up beside our bed room window and layed on horn.

Im aged like u nd sexless for long, im fond of chatting in net, on any issue even on sex, so add me on hangout, my id is, send me request to add u, please has helped me!

It is my birthday. Worked from 8-5, got home ate dinner and took a kid to practice while my wife went out with friends. Got home at eight and put kids to bed. She gets home at 10 and immediately com0lains that the 4 dishes she left soaking in the sink (bowl, measuring cup, spoon, measuring spoon) are still in the sink and then that one of the kids didnt flush the toilet. I apologized and said i hadnt used the sink or that bathroom and she just got snappy at me. I have mentioned that birthdays are hard for me because i was often ignored growing up and then as a teen had people die around this day. So, the kicker is I am actually feeling sorry for her. I guess I could of investigated checked on the sink and bathroom. Oh well no one died and she probably would have found something else i did wrong. Happy Birrthday

UHHH...there is something wrong with this picture. You said it is your birthday and she complaining after you took care of the kids and she comes home at 10?? What wrong with you? Are you in such a habit that you can't see? 1st she using you. 2nd she has no respect for you. 3rd you have no respect for yourself. and 4th is she having an affair? If she is you would be the last to know after she makes arrangemetn to dump you and take everything. Wake up and get out of your comfort zone or you will be in big trouble shortly. Believe me been there and not going back.

Can't tell what it's like for him. There's a country song who's lyrics go "it's hard to kiss the lips at night, who chew your A** out all day long!

There is a book I refer to, called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. another good one is called "Getting To I Do". That one is a dating book, but I find it helps me a lot in my marriage.

Marriage is sooooooo hard. I'm going through a rough patch, myself. I'm recovering from a hysterectomy (first week out) and my husband has been a rageing jerk, yelling at me about things I can not do anything about for a couple of months when I'm well. He'll catch me cleaning something and he'll start yelling. I need help and when I ask him to do something like make a bed, he carries on like it's the end of the world. I wish I were in Hawaii right now.

OMG what a jerk! You got it bad girl! Yes marrage is difficult but your marrage is as strong as your weakest link and he is it. Go see a counselor! Go see a minister or priest or rabbi! Go get some help somewhere with or without him because he will destroy you inside and out what ever his problem is. It like you are both in a middle of an ocean and he can't both will drown so start swimming or learn to fast.

I ask a lot for counseling he refuses . my foster dads a preacher n says my husband has for fired his vows already by how he treats me so ugly.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this but I'm frustrated and wonder if this is normal. I gave my wife a back-rub and then put the kids in their beds. I lit a candle and played some music etc for her. Everything was going good until she said no on the old hank and pank, I was like okay no big deal. But she kept nagging at me that I'm let down, I'm disappointed on and on to where it got annoying (mind you I don't think I said anything about it nor did I care too much that tonight would end in nothing).... I finally said, okay, "then don't disappoint me" and then she says" the only reason I do anything nice for her is for ***, I don't care about her her or her feelings etc." Some of the women here seem like they would appreciate the fact that I did this and I only did it to be nice, yes *** would have been nice but so would a thank you (I was washing her hair and rubbing her back), not find something negative out of a beautiful evening.

I am a pretty good looking 28 year old man that is pretty in touch with his feelings without being needy or feminine, but my wife acts like anytime I show anything but "I don't care" type of emotions than "I'm weird" or "I'm acting crazy."

Women, she is an "alpha female" and I'm not sure how to deal with that. Honestly, it was nice at first, but now that she doesn't communicate and always tries to act like I'm crazy anytime I want to talk, it's very frustrating.

Is just acting hard as bricks the best way to be, or is she trying to gain power? Any suggestions?

women do like ******** that why we stay w the big jerks as u can read. so be a hard *** be th alpha male and put her in her place and dont try to have sex with her then when she complaines remind her u r crazy and weird

My husbands useless for sex. Makes me feel discussing.

Omg!!! I am just happy i am not alone!!!!! Im married for 4 years and my husband moved to my country "because of me" he says.... The fact is he wanted a better life. I am 27 an he is 31 and we have a 2 year old daughter... I love him! I think he loves me too... But his ***** mother has so much power over him its SICK!! People go like.." why do you have problems with your mother in law, she doesnt even live in the same country". Well GUESS again! The **** skype is on the mobile phone and she talks to her son every day with skype!!!!! And my husband cant hide stuff....if you know what i mean... I could tell that his mom has put her nose in our isssues again because i can see it threw his face and the way he talks! I dont know why she doesnt like me... And whats worse is that my husband cant see that she doest like me! Even when she yells at me when we go there to visit them my husband doesnt even protect me or tell his mom to shut up.... She tells me all nasty things and i dont say anything back to her... I just look at her and think to myself why god did you give me a mother in law like this. Anyway... While she is cussing at me she cries and yells like a drama queen.... my husband turns around and tells me if something happens to my parents you will not be safe in My hands!!! Like what the ****???!!! As if i did anything???? I have no clue why and what happen for her not to like me.... At least she should respect me as her son's wife... ?? If i was that bad why did he marrie me??? And why did she let him marry me??? She has other two kids who are older then my husband and are married living close by her ... She has her husband .... Why put her nose in our life??? I know my husband is beeing a jerk to me ... Ive been living a hell while i was pregnant and after pregnancy OMG!!!! She never gives me a brake... How can i make my husband understand that I need him to respect me even when his mom is around....? And how can i make him understand that his mom is making our life misrable????

respect is earned not given and neither one of them respects u. so grow a set and let your husband know u r not putting up with the BS anymore. and when u go to visit and she mean and hateful be a Big B right back to her then cry just like she does

Reading your post was like reading a page out of my life. My husband and his family are from another country and I did not realize what that might entail when we got married. First came the DEMAND from his family to "have babies," which was none of their business. When we did not start a family right away, came the personal questions, "Can't you? Don't you like babies? What's wrong with you? I know a lady who can give you a potion to make you have babies." They always ask the prices of things, always point out everyone else's faults, and they are always after ME to be a "better wife." My sister-in-law and her husband are always telling me what a dead-end job I have -- I am have a PhD and I am a fully tenured college professor, while my sister-in-law "works from home" (read telemarketer) and her husband is a driver for a repo company. My mother-in-law was always in our business until the day she died. We had moved and the burial was quite a distance away. My husband told me to stay away from the funeral (?????) and now tries to pile on the guilt because I did not go to her funeral. WTF???? I'm afraid I don't have a solution, except to tell you that through the years I have developed a thick skin. Don't expect things to change too much. My husband is 53, his "kid" brother is 51 and "Sissy" had taken up where my mother-in-law left off -- "Sissy" babies her brothers as if they are toddlers, bosses them and tells them what loser wives they have. I ignore everything I can and hang on to the qualities about my husband that I adore.

Ugh mistake married a Mexican.

"husband turns around and tells me if something happens to my parents you will not be safe in My hands!"....this sounds like a serious threat to your safety. Get out while the getting is good. Plan it now and get family to help. There is no love or respect for you. it the country, which you did not tell us, is where women are look down than run do not walk. Sorry but I would not be treated by anyone expecially if I had kids. Kids are your future and you owe them your life to protect.

Voodoo her to die

2 More Responses

My man was a jerk for over 10 years and often still is. Everything changed with him after we had our first child. He never really seemed to care much for the child. I got a part time job instead of working full time because I knew it would be better for our son to be in daycare less. I remember sitting there nursing our infant son and him screaming at me to go back to work fulltime because he wanted more money. I caved in and went back to work fulltime. Money was so important to him I was terrified to quit my job, and my son got sick over and over again and the doctors just kept shrugging their shoulders and the child almost got hospitalized with pneumonia. My son ended up developing autism within his first year due to having so many chronic infections and developed autoimmune disease of the brain eventually, and I knew things were not right and my husband and his family kept bullying me out of taking him to a specialist. Even though he had horrible speech delays, and I knew even at 2 had multiple developmental delays. I begged so many times to stay home with him but my husband refused, insisting we would go broke. I late found out he was hiding money to make it look like we couldn't survive on his income alone. Eventually my son became so aggressive and out of control I could not leave him anywhere, and this was after finding out he was being abused at a daycare my husband's relative was running. I quit my job and started working from home, whatever part time jobs I could find. All my husband would talk about was how I needed to bring in a certain amount of money each month to cover my share of the bills. Try working from home with no babysitter, an autistic child and another baby. It was sheer hell. At times I worked four part time jobs to make ends meet, and took care of the house and all the kids. He hardly lifted a finger except to cook for himself and make a mess. When I got out of shape due to working around the clock, I found out he was addicted to ****, and when I confronted him he blamed me for all of it, saying he wasn't attracted to me anymore. Well, turns out I had hypothyroidism and autoimmune thyroid disease that was untreated, so gained some weight from that which was very hard to lose. The next year we got the autism diagnosis for my son and that was so hard. I blamed myself for so long. If only I had been stronger and stood up to my husband instead of working fulltime and letting my son get so sick. Then my child had a psychotic break the next year and everyone was pointing the finger at me, blaming it on the GFCF diet I had put him on, that was really helping his behavior. Well, turns out he had his immune system attacking his brain, and we later found out had chronic lyme disease. Then my younger child developed similar symptoms and both got diagnosed with autoimmune brain disease. I felt like my life was over, but the battles were still going. Every time I scheduled an appointment for my children to see a specialist for this disease, we somehow didn't have enough money. I was told by my husband to give them a bunch of supplements and vitamins to cure them myself. What they needed were prescription immune modulators and long term antibiotics, sometimes steroids. Talk about depressing. Throughout all these years I battled constant depression, and even got to the point of considering suicide around this time because things were so bad. I complained once to my mother about having no money to treat my kids and she laughed and told me to go sell my wedding ring and anything else I owned. Nobody cared about us at all. I finally told him I would divorce him and report him to child protective services because he was not allowing our son's to be treated medically if he didn't change his ways. He told me if we divorced he didn't want custody of our autistic son. Then I fixed all the problems, for the most part. I almost obsessively studied natural medicine, found a safe immune modulator and put our children on it with the help of a holistic doctor. Since I was sick I went on it myself. When money ran out to see the holistic doc I found out how to order the medicine online from overseas myself. Then we found a great specialist and I found some safe supplements to help my autistic's son immune system fight the lyme disease. I found a lot of help through online support groups and even was directed to use an antibiotic that was good for neurological problems for my autistic son. Later we found the reason my kids were sick- a genetic problem that makes it hard for the body to detox, and also it caused my children to pile up infections inside and develop autoimmune disease. The tests showed it was passed on from both myself and their father, yet he continues to deny he has the genetic problem. Oh, well. Now we are doing better, the children and I, on supplements and a special diet to address these things. I am now studying lyme disease to help my son put his illness into remission, and with the help of god I know we will. I get no support hardly from my family or my husband's but it doesn't matter a bit to me. Slowly my husband is starting to act better and participate in family life, though he's not home much. I've found I don't care anymore. When he acts like a jerk and yells at me if I ask him to help out, I am strong enough to shrug my shoulders knowing he's the one with the problem. I believe one day my kids and I will have a full recovery and that maybe I will be able to find my own happiness in some way. I don't believe relationships, even friendships, can bring much happiness. Not after what I have been through, almost 9 years of loneliness, anxiety, depression, and struggling alone. I hope to one day become a lyme doctor and help children with autism and lyme get better and recover. I hope to do this because I don't want another mother to go through what I have had to endure. I pray each day for God's help and I know that if he guides me I will be unstoppable in completely improving my life and helping others.

Im really sorry to hear about what you have been through, you are so brave and strong to still think and live so positively. Hope you and your son all the best and God bless you.

My God, woman, I can't believe the nightmare you've lived through. Seems as though your life would be more peaceful without your husband around.

YOU are one amazing woman!!! Your determination and resilience are mind-blowing. Remember there are wonderful people out there and you met some in the doctors and support groups. Please don’t give up on humanity all together. People are the reason for happiness. Kids are people too. You are right when you said your husband has a problem.

You are strong and God is using you!! Your story inspired me. Keep notes this may be a book!! Keep your head up and remember to have some fun. may be helpful to you.
Many Blessings

Owow. U are amazing!!! Iam so proud of u.

2 More Responses

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Yeah mine says he can have any woman he wants. I hate him and want to leave help

My husband and I have been married a little over a year..we have Been trying for children.. But the way I feel now... About 6 months ago he did something awful.. He didnt cheat but he might as well have... He thought about it! Everyone thinks he is sooo wonderful.. But he is a jerk! And to make it worse he tried this with my own SISTER!! Luckily she always has my back.. I respect the fact that he told me himself what he did n begged my forgiveness.. I agreed on 2 conditions.. 1 he gets god in his life 2 he proves he loves me
He has done pretty good.. We now go to church regularly.. But the the affection and Romance?...pfft!... I just miscarried our second child and he is soo **** heartless! He didn't say anything when I told him.. We went to church and I cried the whole time.. Then on our way home he yelled at me for never being happy! He said that e was embarrassed to be with me at church because I always acted uncomfortable! I've gone to church since I was in the womb! He cares so much about how I act in public but he is perfect! No! How I this even fair?! Why are men like this?!
I admit my husband is a very descent man.. Except that he is heartless and non-affectionate 75% of the time.. The other 25% he is but only when we are alone! He won't even look at me in public.. It's like he doesn't want to claim me or something!!!! I have walked out so many times and always come back! Just once do you think you could be Prince Charming and come after me?!
I'm proud that he is working so hard, balancing school, a full time job, his family in mexico, and the responsibilities of being a husband but I need some affection!!
I give him everything! He never has to do household chores inside or out! I even planned a surprise vacation for us in October.. But he is so unappreciative!!!
I love him.. He is my best friend.. My soul mate.. My partner.. My counselor.. And so much more! I jut need some affection concern and attention!

He is having affairs. If he tried once he did it before and doing it again. It is his problem and not yours unless you do not get counseling for his emotional abuse.

Mine too. I do everything and put up with the ****** attitude and disrespect too. I pay all theof bills, payed off his debt. He doesn't ever keep a full time job. He doesnt do his share, acts put upon when asked to do anything. Is ******* rude. Yells, cusses, postures, shaking his fists, hangs up on me. Just ridiculous, dont act like the surprised victim when I get sick of your **** and leave.

Leave him and do what makes you happy. Life is too short and too long to feel miserable and disrespected.

I want to leave I have no family. Where do I go just die?

I have had the same problem for the last 10 years of marriage. At first I thought it was because of my husbands *********** problem. Then as we we worked through that and he got better, the intimacy problem was still there. Then I thought it must be the childhood sex abuse issues that my husband had experienced, but as we worked through that, the problem was still there. I thought that guys were supposed to be the ones that always wanted to have sex and we were the ones who were supposed to fake headaches because we couldn't keep up. Wrong! Not in my marriage. Then after ALL that, my husbands finally comes out and says he's gay! Well then it finally all made sense. We are still married and striving to maintain a happy and wholesome marriage due to our commitment to family and our religious beliefs but jeez is it hard at times. At least when I feel lonely in that way and rejected I at least know why.

Wow this is so sad. If he is gay you deserve better than an obligatory marriage. I hope you find your true husband and partner and happiness and good sex with him.I am sure you will I will keep you in my prayers

Are you sure he didn't just make that up to get you off his case? I'd want a lie detector test.

for real!!
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

leave his sorry ***

Ha mine rapes me.

If this situation of your husband's is anything like mine, then I would suspect that he is suffering from an extreme case of SELF ENTITLEMENT. I make MORE money than my husband during way less hours and labor when I do get work, but since he does cheap hard labor on a regular basis, he feels he is entitled to the King's Manor treatment, even though I am the one who does EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING for our family ALL BY MYSELF INCLUDING HIS STUFF TOO, every day.
I DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS. I don't care if he threatens divorce or to leave (like he has when I've defended myself). It's just a weak defense mechanism of his own inferior sense of self and disrespect for me, the one whom he should respect and thank more than anyone else in his entire life.
You would think that just a couple of counseling sessions repeating this fact and training in self realization via heart to heart talks would help. NOPE! My Nana (Mother's Mom) tried to beat this generation persevering fact into my head since I was 21, that NO MAN CAN BE TRUSTED AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HIM, and if you can do so, it ain't very far at all :(.
My husband and I are born and raised, devoted Christian people. But unless husbands are the likes of an accredited counselor/therapist/angel from heaven, they can try, but they will NOT CHANGE. WE have to be the ones who change, around THEM, in order to make our marriages work. It's not fair, but if divorce is not an option as is in my case, hey, make ANYTHING work for you and your marriage. Hardship is the signal that YOU must now take control. If he doesn't like it, that's his fault. He could have helped it but didn't. Now pray and do what you have to do to get on with YOUR life, as together as God shall now bless it to be.

My husband is such in fact he's not even my house he has been my boyfriend for over 10 years now yes 10 years living together with a family and no ring. He's claimed the beginning because he can't afford a ring to get married what the holdup is his unreasonable expectations in life. Hes been out of work on and off and I have always been table supporting us and his stupid dreams. But he always makes a point to figure out a way to let me know that I'm not good enough the parents not as a woman or a wife or girlfriend I work full time he doesn't work and sometimes he does but he always complains about me not getting enough to work done in the house. due to the fact I m due to the fact I moved away from my family with him have been stressed and depressed on and off 5 years we were constantly breaking up always him leaving me. Somewhere in there he loves me but I just don't think it's going to be enough it makes me feel worthless and then makes me feel like I'm the jerk for feeling like this like I'm weak for crying but he does things it says the things to make me cry or he completely ignores me for days sometimes weeks. The matter what I do I can't get him to talk to me until he's ready and finish the matter which is usually after he's silenced me out and then begins to speak to me by yelling whatever it is that I did to p*** him off I wish I was dead most of the ime because then I won't be doing anything upset I hate feeling this way I hate that I allow him to make me feel this way. No matter how to kiss his *** it's never enough.

I was with one of those for 9 precious years of my life. I started listening to Dr. Laura (at first out of morbid curiosity) but all of a sudden it started making sense! The I started to get angry. Then I took him to a councilor and had a list ready of all the things he had been doing that I would no longer tolerate. He did me a favor and moved out that day. 10 years later and I can say I've never missed that SOB. I'm so much better off without him.


Yep married3years no ring. Its lame not even occasional flowers. In so sad

I confide in my spouce about my worries and then he uses it against me. He suffers from anxiety. I was told that I cannot confide my concerns to someone who is anxious since it is difficult for them to handle. Any thoughts.

Confide in a family member or trusted friend, instead.

I need someone to talk to who is sinceren not all let's pray.

I feel for you. I am in the same boat Only mine ignores me. Then wants to have sex like everything is fine. I think I being punished for my sins.

God does not punish us like that. fear and condemnation does not come from God. My husband is like yours. total Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Hyde. Don't give in to sex until he's willing to do the work. "So, you've been ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder and now you want me to pretend everything is okay and have sex with you? I'd rather put that off until you are able to be more loving towards me. Otherwise, my heart just wouldn't be in

I'm with you all husband is a COMPLETE JERK! He is from Russia, but I know it's not just cultural bc my exes have been jerks as well. I'm starting to think it's very rare to find a man who NOT a jerk or that life is actually an illusion, and the women I see who are with good men are just not real. But now I have found this page, and now I know I am not alone in this. My husband lies to everyone, so of course he lies to me too. I can't trust him. He never wants sex anymore and when he used to want sex, he was drunk and forceful. I'm sick of his manipulating ways. Threatens to call my children on the phone, my sister, my mother and already has called sister and mom. They are over him. I am over him. I just don't know how to get away. I'm on disability and can't afford ****. He makes sure to get my money for bills asap and I end up catering to his every need. I actually hate my husband. Lord help me.

Is there someone, like a social worker who can help you with this. That money is not for him, and it's illegal for him to just take it all from you. Hopefully the social worker can help you extricate yourself from this intolerable situation.

Him really? How who where? Mine always makes me pay all the bills for years I have ssi. I hate him grew up in foster care no one loves me never did only use me.

My husband and I have been married for about a year and have been a couple for four years. He is generally very sweet. He can be thoughtful and is supportive. But like everyone, male or female, he can be a jerk.

We recently bought our first home, and I am seeing more of the jerk and less of my sweet best friend. He is being especially lazy and inconsiderate. He is not doing his share of the work around here. He keeps bringing friends over here. And they keep staying over for 7+ hours, and late at night when I need to substitute teach in the mornings. Nevertheless, I cater to his friends as not to be a rude host and he does not even help clean up after his guests. He tells me he will do some dishes "tomorrow" but the pile keeps growing. I said I feel like his mom cleaning up after him...his response "then quit acting like my mom!" But I have to do the cleaning if he won't, it's embarrassing!

He is not verbally, or otherwise abusive. He shuts down and has nothing to say. It's like I am talking to a wall. The situation turns in to him acting like he's some kind of victim and I'm the mean one. All I am asking for is help and he treats me like I'm a bully.

I work two jobs and more hours than him, so some house chores can't be asking that much.

Today he finally did some laundry. He called me and said "I have bad news, the dryer stopped working." I arrived home around 10pm to find two large piles of laundry in the laundry room. He tried to put all of this in the dryer! He then tried to deny his actions broke the drum inside the machine. Well what about half my wardrobe growing mildew in the basement? Why couldn't you at least hang everything up to dry, jerk?

Today is my 25th birthday. He got home past midnight and did not wish me a happy b-day. He didn't even look me in the eye. We inevitably fought about all of the above. He had the audacity to tell me he did some dishes earlier in the day. I did some dishes before he got home and know without a doubt he had done none. I asked why he lied, and he said he didn't want to hear me ***** about it.

It's now past 5am on my bday and he is sleeping... Through a huge storm that is causing water to trickle in to the basement faster than the sub pump can deal with it. It's my special day and I'm the only one up, literally bailing us out of water.

I thought getting our own home would give us lots of quality time together. He seems to want less time with me :(
Now I just feel lonely even when he's around

Sweet heart, I understand. U get married, thinking this man is your Knight, bf, loves me above anything else. Then, we are shocked when real life happens.

I do not mean to say that you are not realistic. I am saying that your husband sounds like he may have a psychological issue, or simply be very immature, ie selfish. This forgetting big events, not thinking though things, like putting in too much laundry, acting only in the moment, like having friends stay too long, is impulsivity and not considering consequences; these behaviors all beg for a Dr's evaluation. How old is he? I don't think u said. I have been in the medical field a long time and have an ADHD spouse. Some of the things he does sound verbatim like your husband's.
The only thing is, as a giving person and loving wife, perhaps you are enabling this behavior by trying hard. He needs to face this or it may tear you two apart.

I have ADHD my husbanverbally abuses me yells n calls me stupid.

He sounds incredibly immature. Is he your age or younger? It's time for him to man up and stop acting like a silly frat boy.

I'm so tired of my husband calling me stupid

It's his insecurity

Me too!

My turn to vent. My husband has always been a perfectionist and pessimistic, but lately, he's been angrier than usual. We have a small farm with horses. He does the bulk of the work. I work full time and help as much as I can when I'm home. For years, he had too high of a price to sell our horses, and now he's telling me he doesn't care and he wants me to sell them for whatever. He gets angry with the horses (just yells at them ,doesn't hurt them physically), he gets angry with me (same thing) if I don't meet his unknown or unreasonable expectations. I know I'm not the best wife, but he knew what I was like before we married 17 yrs ago. I'm 61 yrs old now and he's 53.
Last week, he went out without speaking to me when we were finished caring for the horses in the evening. He came back 3 hrs later, and wouldn't tell me where he was. This happened a few more times. He finally told me he was following someone for a friend, but wouldn't say who or why. I accepted that story for a few days and things were relatively calm. Then on Fri night, he left earlier than usual saying he had to go to where this person was working and wait for them to leave in order to follow them again. He was using my car. About 7 PM, I called to ask where he was. I found out that I needed to take care of the horses myself that night. About 10 PM, I called to ask where he was. He said he was on his way home from a location about 40 min. away. At 11 PM, I called again and got no answer. I called twice more about 11:30 PM and still got no answer. I was upset because I didn't know what happened to him, and I needed to get some sleep because I had to wake up early for work. I also needed my car back. He finally walked through the door a few minutes later. I asked why he didn't answer my calls, and he yelled at me for bothering him. I've always been able to trust him up until now, but I just can't explain his recent behavior.
Now, the latest problem started when I woke up with an extreme nose bleed yesterday. I couldn't stop it and I was getting panicky. He thought I was over reacting, but took me to an emergency room when I asked. The whole time I was there, he had a sour look on his face, and when I would say something to him about it, he was like "yeah, right". I'm still having a problem with more bleeding, and his attitude is still crappy like I'm just over reacting and I'm a bother to him. I just wrote all this with one hand on the keyboard and the other keeping pressure on my nose to slow the bleeding.
I wrote all this because I need to vent. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he is thinking divorce, or what. He is just going through the motions of what needs to be done and won't speak to me without yelling. I don't want a divorce because we have too much to lose with our farm & horses. I can't do this alone.

U poor thing. What an @&&. I say ignore him and do what makes u happy for a couple days and suggest therapy. But if he's like mine he will say No. I don't know. Men are so selfish. Wish all we miserable wives could meet and have a big cry together.

Yes dear, they say things and they don't know what the meaning of what they are saying is! It is infuriating! I can already say I love this place! Getting together for a nice cry or man bashing would be great! I'm so tired of hearing of everything that's wrong with me, and everything I need to do for my health to improve! Oh, and there's the tried and true, "you don't want to get better"!! I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot or on someone else he's close to if it would fit as well??? Also when I brought up counseling for us to work out problems,,, guess what?? He'll go, but only if it helps me fix all MY problems!!!! So, gypsy Rose, there's a lot of us in this tiny boat! I love miserabletootoo's idea, get together and have a big cry together, maybe that would help us all see how silly it is.....heartache DOES GO AWAY!!!

I guess a lot of women go threw crap just like me. It's sad because I got people who hate me because they think we have the perfect life. What a crock.


My husband behaved like a jerk today because he was out of coffee and he usually drinks four cups every morning while watching TV till noon and then maybe he might go to work. He is 58 years old. Sick of him acting like a teenager.

There is no excuse for being a jerk ever. Forgetting something is involuntary, being aggressive and disrespectful is a deliberate act. I am tired of reading stuff and listening to most incompetent counselors about how we women should understand why an idiot is being abusive: quite frankly who cares WHY a guy thinks he can make your life a living hell? Insulting, belittling, screaming, threatening let alone shoving or hitting (even "just" a slap) ARE abuse. Period. So what ONLY matters is to get them to stop. Either by leaving them or by having the police at your door, file a complaint and have the district attorney explain to him that NO it is not OK to abuse someone. I quite don't get why we should look into the "why" and listen to the excuses of so many jerks. If they were treated that way, I doubt they would accept that, right?I have met my husband in Europe 7 years ago, I was having a social life, a brilliant career in the research department of a big pharma managing a team of 35 persons, riding in a company car, and having a house on the beach.... He was not easy easy but never abused me while we were there.A little over 2 years ago, after being together for 5 years my (military) husband got assigned back to USA and I followed....What was I thinking really? I should have known better! As soon as we hit the ground in USA, knowing that I was far from friends and family, this ultimate jerk started abusing me emotionally and physically. Shoving me, screaming, insulting, threatening to have the immigration kick me out of the country etc.... I have one day dialed 911 while he was threatening me, I said nothing but what he was screaming was so violent that the operator sent the cops right away to our door. He understood that I would not hesitate to do it again. So he is still the most complete jerk but at least is he less violent. Still, he has found another way to wreck my life by being a hindrance in just e-v-e-r-y thing. He is totally unable to handle ANY task (managing accounts, paying bills, communicating with the administration, finding a home, moving) I handle everything for the entire family while struggling to get a miserable job in Northern California paid 1/5 of what I was making, struggling to keep my house for my son.... The jerk is sitting behind a desk 8 hours/day but if I need to contact him for ANY of the above, he does not pick the call, does not reply to the emails, pretend he does not have a signal for his cell in the building, so does not take cell calls or texts, after HOURS running after him if I grab a hold of one of his colleague, they also have to run after him forever since he would do whatever to make me late, waste time etc.... He knows that if I don't do it we will have problems so he knows that slowing me down in these instances really gets to me.I am in the process of to find a job on the other side of the country and leave him by surprise. He will find the house empty of all my belongings one day and will never hear from me again (well only in family court). Jerks just need this kind of treatment: being tossed badly with no consideration. An eye for an eye....

admire ur writing

Good plan, YOU go, GIRL!!!!!

I've been married for 14 years and have six husband was a major jerk for the first 8 years and then he got better. But now it seems as though he's reverting back to the old ways. I feel for you all and make good choices..we should be treated with love and respect.

I just wanna say something here, I understand all of us wifes wish that our husbands were perfect and trust me mine is far from it. However, maybe those of you that are getting blamed for their actions, most of your husbands have something deeper inside that they do not feel comfortable sharing with you. It's not your fault. You still have to be aware that he may be an *******, but men deal with hidden anger and frustration by lashing out, so maybe you should explain to him that you can tell that he is different but instead of making him feel as though he needs to defend himself, offer the utmost support and understanding. even if what he has to say may hurt you it is better to hear the truth than live with lies. Me and my husband have not been married long, but i made a peersonal vow to myself when i got married that i wouldnt treat my husband as a dog and like I am his master, but as a human who thinks feels and dreams just like us frustrated women. We all know when something bothers us, everybody needs to know. Men are just not that way. work on your adaptivity. :]

and if he's looking at **** he's bored. it hurts but it's the truth. YOU be his **** do something you know he likes ask him what his fantasy is and make those nasty ***** look like chewed up gum :] works for me every time.

Making excuses is exactly what you are doing for the bastards of the world.

Honey, you are in your 20' have NO concept about what most of us here are talking about. When you have been married and put up with the crap most of us here have put up with, then get back to us. You are still wet behind the haven't even been out of school very long, dearie. What makes you think that we haven't tried to seduce our husbands???? Hell, girl...I used to be a $1000.00 a night exotic dancer (NO-NEVER WAS I A PROSTITUTE !) I know all the moves and things...I quit my job 10 years ago for him. He is STILL a J-E-R-K !
Please go give advice on a teen column or something and let grown people talk.

Omg! My husband is a JERK. You are so not alone. He would say and do the meanest things to me and my kids. He blames everyone else for all his issues. He doesn't even talk to me right. When I tell him I'm feeling depressed and sad he'll just get mad at me. Sex isn't even the same anymore, I know cause I caught him looking at disgusting **** and looking up other actresses sex scenes. He cheated on me before and who got the blame, me! He make fun of me like he thinks its funny. He hides things from me. He says I'm unappreciative when I do like everything for him. I help him with house work, money and whenever he's feeling down but instead I'm being told that I ain't good enough. Last night he left me and my family without texting or calling just so he can go out with his friends to Halloween events, things I've been asking him for us to do together. Instead I find out he did them with his friends instead. I am soooo mad at him. Ughhh!!!

I hear you my husband is also a jerk .he likes to do ************ looking with sexy photos than having sex with me.... Were only 1 month married. Dont worry your not alone.

Check out my blog- (Staying) Married to a **** on blogspot

Hi Ladies,
Im a husband that goes to work from Mon to Fri and I am terrified of you all..

do u rather look at porns n xxx pics to having sex or trying to improve sex life w ur wife?

I've been married almost 2 years now and I think my husband is a total jerk sometimes. His problem is mainly that he really hasn't matured past the age of about 16. Well, he's freaking 32!

He does stupid stuff and just expects it all to be ok. And he has some very rude disrespectful nasty habits. Nothing as bad as some of the things you ladies are going thru, but still- to each their own, right.

Basically I think his family life as a kid/young adult taught him the way to do something that was bad or immoral or irresponsible was to do it, try to hide it as best as you could and if you get caught for it just deal with it then. That's real fun right?

SO of course you can imagine the issues we've had with ****, drugs, and lying. CONSTANT lying. THANK the LORD- that the drugs and the ***** days are behind us, but the residual effect of 'do bad now, deal later' still lives deep with in him.

He really ticks me off and disrespects me when he lies over little stupid things. We used to fight all the time over sex because he has a very slow sex drive and I have a fast one. So that caused a lot of issues because if he has so say such a low a$$ sex drive, then why is he watching all this nasty ****? Hmmmm?

Come On?!? Give me a break. When we first moved in together only I had a job. And he just used the **** out of me. All he did was sit at home and smoke dope and do pills. He was such a freaking looser, I really don't know why I kept with him.

At that time I had all sorts of dates I turned down, too. From nice guys with good jobs, good looking guys, smart guys. But, no I was your classical stupid woman loving the idiot of a manchild with no job, no degree, nothing. Oh and he wasn't even all that in shape or fit.

Speaking of that- I know its so cliche to say a woman is the one to 'let her self go' after the honeymoon but it was him. He packed it on- all in the gut and in the face. Ewww!

After years of this he is finally coming around and starting some fitness program even though he is at this very moment sitting on the couch watching Die Hard. Oh and that was after scarfing down the half of my food I saved from dinner.

I know this doesn't compare with some of you ladies. No, he doesn't cheat or look at other women. But it's probably just because he's too lazy.

Love them or Leave them-


My husband is usually nice but. When he's not in a good mood.....I wanna tear his skin off his body......He is worse than a female on her period and ladies lets be honest about how we get.....i know how we catch ourselves saying "wow, i'm a real ***** today!" But back to the point....he is such a ****! He talks outa his neck and talks under his breath. I ******* hate it! But the sex is amazing. Its bittersweet!

Hey guys I love reading this and knowing Im not the only one out there with a jackass for a husband. We dated on and off all through highschool and eventually got married. He did sooooo many things that were horrible in highschool. He would run back to me and make it out like we were going to get back together and Id have sex with him and bam the next night he was with another girl. Every time he ran back I would always forgive him because I thought he had changed, well needless to say it never did. We have been married for over a year now. He has went to a ***** club, Ive caught him watching porns numerous times and everytime we fight He either runs and gets on facebook or starts talking to other girls he used to hook up with. This has been ongoing for 6 years we started dating when I was 14. He has punched holes in the wall, broke almostt everything I had, and always says the most awful things. He has overcame a drug addiction and I just keep hoping maybe one day he will overcome his ******* ways. We do not have any children thank god, because I would hate to put a child through that, although I cant wait to have children one day. Just reading over my post I feel stupid for even putting up with it but I truly love him and hope for the best. Any advice

If you would not put a child through it, you shouldn't put yourself through it.

I wouldn't put a DOG through this. Please leave hime and do some church counseling to learn why you don't believe you can do better and how to change.

Hi, this is my first time on here, but OMG Im am so sick of my F***ing idiot, ******* of a f***ing husband! I have done the rounds of self help courses, counselling, retreats etc to make me a better mother and wife, but my husband just walks all over that and is hell bent on making my life miserable! It doesnt matter whether everything is going well and everyone is happy, he just has to get the ***** and accuse me of doing everything to upset him. This morning the kids and I were talking about buying a caravan, he made the comment 'I dont c why we would spend money on something we'd never use' so I said to my daughter 'ok we'll stop looking at caravans now, daddy doesnt want one' he exploded, started yelling at me because I was making him out to be a party pooper' OMG!!!!!!! he IS A F***ING party pooper!!!!! he never wants what me and the kids want!

I love my husband but sometimes he really ticks me off i ask him to do 1 simple thing and he gets pissed because i interupted his show. i told him i wanted to go to the bar for my friends 21st birthday n he said no i wasnt asking permision he can drink with his friends but i cant wtf i am sapos to take care of the baby 24/7 i want a break i want me time i didnt knock my self up its his kid too sometimes i just want to hurt him. when we have sex he only gets himself off i dont think he has ever given me the Big O n he talks to girls on fb that he knows i dont like he told me i couldnt talk to one of my best guy friend n i dont but he wont stop talkin to that girl he is much a jerk

Dear Cheleanne, we all care and we all feel your pain. We all have jerks for husbands… that is the reason we found our way here. We are here to listen and offer support, love and friendship. So many women our age are starved for affection… we need to be recognized, respected and loved for the beautiful souls in our hearts. It is true, men do not care about our feelings. They are selfish, spoiled, narcissistic jerks! My husband has used and abused me for 43 years. Not once in all those years did I ever turn him down for sex. The day I came home after giving birth to our first son, he demanded sex. He did not care that I was in pain with stitches down there. If that isn't a selfish, uncaring jerk with a capital J, I don't know what it is. I now have to literally beg for sex. It is humiliating to say the least. I'm not young or pretty anymore only because I worked like a dog to please him back then because I thought I had to or I would lose him, and now he doesn't even see me. He doesn't care about my feelings! It's just life! We have to love ourselves because we are worth it. Don't you forget it girl!!!

Hi ladies... I got here by googling, "how to live with a jerk husband". My story is 43 years long. He's also a cheater, a liar, and a narcissist who believes he is God's gift to women. I endured his verbal and mental abuse for 37 years, and one day, I decided I'd had enough and I left. I just recently came back after 5 years of being gone, living alone and missing him everyday because I love him so much. I was so sad and depressed without him! I came back to a pig stye, and I've spent the past three months cleaning up his filth. At first, he seemed glad to have me back although he's shown no affection, and we've only had sex once. Little by little I have begun to see the old him emerge. During the time I was gone, I knew about numerous affairs and women he'd brought into "our house", but I was willing to put the past in the past and we agreed to move forward. I brought two cats with me, the same cats we had before I left, and he has done nothing but complain about them. He made a gate to keep them upstairs on the second floor which is only used for storage. His rule is, the only way the cats can live here is for them to stay upstairs 24/7. I have had these cats for almost 15 years! They sit on the steps and cry for me, especially at night, because they used to sleep with me every night. He's gone all day and a lot in the evening too, so I sometimes let them out when he is gone. Well he came home unexpectedly a couple days ago and saw one of them on our bed. He yelled at me for letting the cat on the bed and chased it upstairs telling me I better not ever do that again. That night, he slept on the couch and would not speak to me. Last night, he didn't come home until 8pm, gave me the same silent treatment again and he slept in the spare bedroom. This morning, I told him after all he has put me through with his cheating, etc., that I cannot believe he is acting this way because a cat was sitting on our bed. I came back to him after all the many women he brought into our bed without a word to him about it, and he has the audacity to treat me like he this over a cat on the bed. ARE YOU F...... KIDDING ME! He left the house without a word to me. I cannot believe it! I will not kiss his *** over something so ridiculous. Why do I love this immature jerk? Anyone have thoughts or suggestions? Thank you sisters for reading my story... Love to you all.

that is so sad ...!!!!!!!!!!
and Your kitties are living awful isolated life ..
the way he treats them it just shows that he has no respect to You ...
soon he may even try to get rid of them ,behind Your back ...then he will get rid of You etc....he is abusive and disrespectful to You and he is abusive to Your poor pets...

this is abusive relationship and I hate to say it but You have a problem with Yourself that You allow this to happen may not be your fault...You may endured abuse earlier in life ...someone was abusive and You know its wrong but at the same time its almost "normal"...
and unless You change Yourself thorough learning more on that subject You will end up in a similar situation....
You cant rely on someone who is abusive ..........You sound like a wonderful loving women damp that abuser and find something else ....
there is so many nice men/who loves cats ...there is no need to stay with that idiot.....
think about it ...are You not worth to be respect ...?
darn girl !!!!!!!!!!

Its a proven fact that yo can judge a person by how they treat, or mistreat animals. Stand back and take a look at how he is isolating the cats and keeping them as "storage." That is exactly how he feels about you. Advice? Get out and get yourself a dog for a companion and protection. You'll be loved and appreciated. And keep your cats happy! They love you....

Hello Fedupcat,

I will try to reply the best way I can by reacting to some of your statements.

>>He\'s also cheater, a liar, and a narcissist who believes he is God\'s gift to women<<
Now, there must have been a reason why you have left him in the first place. Isn\'t the reason you\'ve described? Can you imagine having a happy life with a person like this or, more importantly, would you put your potential children or your best friend with a man like this?
I know it must have taken a lot of effort to leave him in the first place. The question is: were you really that miserable on your own? And if so, why? Do you rely on him due to a financial (or some other) support? Since you have \"survived\" on your own for five years I believe the reasons were rather emotional. I also believe you had plenty of other opportunities for having other partners; did you decline them as well?

>>I came back to a pig style, and I\'ve spent the past three months cleaning up his filth. At first, he seemed glad to have me back<<
No wonder he was glad to have you back to do his filthy dishes and to clean up his house!

>>Little by little I have begun to see the old him emerge<<
Seriously, hun, what did you expect? Like I said: there was a REASON (and I believe it was a good one) why you\'ve left him in the first place.

>>His rule is, the only way the cats can live here is for them to stay upstairs 24/7<<
How come he makes the rules now? You\'ve returned to HIM, not he to you and if he loves and respects you enough, he shouldn\'t be making such stupid rules, especially if you had the cats together at first!

>>He\'s gone all day and a lot in the evening too<<
Where do you think he\'s going in the evening? You said he was a cheater, right? I\'m not saying he\'s necessarily cheating at you, but given that he has done it several times in the past... It is a possibility.

>>He yelled at me for letting the cat on the bed and chased it upstairs telling me I better not ever do that again.<<
Again. Why does HE make the rules? And what will happen if you let out the kitty again, huh?

>> I cannot believe it! I will not kiss his *** over something so ridiculous<<
You said it girl! Be strong <3

>>Why do I love this immature jerk?<<
Because women are attracted to being with men who treat them badly, seeing \"good boys\" as boring...

My advice to you, sweetheart, is to LEAVE HIS SORRY *** for good. Answer yourself this: Why do you constantly put yourself through this? If you can\'t find a self-respect (which you without doubt deserve) think about your kitties at least. Do you really want to hear them crying all day just because someone who is mistreating you said so? Do they even have some sort of an amusement upstairs?
You have been for five years without him now, which is a good time to put the pros and cons together and leave him for good. You\'re not that dependent on him for not to leave (unfortunately like many women are). Stop expecting that he\'ll change, if he couldn\'t have done it for those past years he never will. Have a little self respect and self worth. He\'s now gained a cleaning lady who will take care of him while he\'s out there doing whatever he wants. Do you really want to spend your life with a man like this? Think about it. You surely deserve better.

Hope I helped and please let me know how did it go.
Lots of love & support,

I really think that men who are not raised by intelligent, thoughtful parents grow up to be flaming jerks. My husband has two brothers; all three are ********. My in-laws are deceased now, but my mother-in-law was a screaming control freak and my father-in-law sat in his recliner for 20 years until he died (which he couldn't wait to do). So, ladies, before you marry anyone, check out his parents because the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. For all of us who are miserable in our marriages, we should focus on us, not the jerk we are married to. Nurture yourselves because our husbands can't or won't. It's up to us to keep our mental health strong. God bless us one and all.

i wish i had the miracle answer for some of these posts. I started doing things for me, exercising, eating right, hobbies etc.. before it was all about him!!! I try and keep a good balance in my life. Look for your own happiness, a happy wife makes for a happy life!!! try to be nice to them, change it up, when they see how happy you are it may just rub off on them. Keep a good energy flow through out the house, things just may come around. Love and take care of yourself :)

I'm 51 and husband is cocky...arrogant ...and a ****...i've missed him for 20 years, (my bad, we were cheating) today is my first husband's death anniversary, he shot himselp in front of me..even tho he was a loser and my husband now of 1 year was there to support me, it is so different now... it's no longer support its control and I am so freaking depressed.

Well that's how I feel right now. Not thankful for anything I've done recently. And he's ticked off because I told him that he shouldn't have a beer because its late and he has to get up at a decent time tomorrow to work (doing landscaping/digging at our house) so for him to feel good he shouldn't drink any more. He pushes me out of the way to get to his stupid beer. JERK<br />
I hope that your husband has gotten his head around things since the last time you've mentioned things. We've been together for five years. Bum.<br />
Guys are now and will always be ungrateful SOBs. Maybe my dreams and thoughts since childhood are correct.... Girls are the way to go. At least women are thoughtful, care, have respect toward beliefs (religious and non) and are supportive.<br />
I try desperately not to be angry, but right now, I don't know how else to feel toward men right now.

I'm with you on that! i'm trying so hard to be happy for my kids but my husband gets me to the point that I just want to explode!!! I am shutting up at the moment because my kids are around but I so want to scream!

My husband is an as$hole. He acts like a raging lunatic. He becomes so hateful ... This morning I asked him to check the pool filters before the repairman comes. it would take 5 minutes... But he blows a gasket. I told him I hate him and I meant it. Like pacifying me by doing a 5 minute chore has equated me to being a c*nt? Excuse me? Well this c*nt now has a bag of chips on her shoulder. I'm not one to hold a grudge... but this time I'm on fire. He told me he needed clean underwear... I said go grab a panty liner! U fu**king priick! Thank u... I'm sure I'll be back to post soon :)

So my husband isn't such a jerk but he's being so petty about things that to me seem so trivial. My adult son recently moved back home and he's no trouble at all. We hardly know he's there but my husband is complaining that my son is using his towel and getting toothpaste on it. I'm like "So what???" My husband said that he texted him asking him to stop but he said that he keeps on using his towel. He said that if I don't say anything to my son that my son will never respect him. But I refuse to get in the middle of it. He follows all the rules and always cleans up after himself. When my son was growing up we didn't Ll have our own towels and we care if we shared towels. Am I wrong to refuse to get in the middle of this?? I think he's being so petty!

Oh, I am so married to a total jerk .. I mean .. total insensitive clod, who cares only about his own feelings .. he's really messed up in the head and always tries to blame it all on me, accepting no responsibility for his own problems ..

My husband is a hypocrite. He complains about S#*&$ all the time and I find him doing the same thing! I am so frustrated because I feel myself asking him for permission to do things because I dont feel like hearing his b**##$ about it . He never physically abuses me but I feel as though he verbally abuses me. He is so bipolar and obsessive compulsive. I have always never said anything but it gets so irritating and hard to handle. <br />
I had a cat for 7 years. She had some issues and he kept bothering me about getting rid of her. (Im talking about years of talk to pressure me to get rid of her) No one wanted her, I felt as if she would have a better life somewhere else. I tried a no kill shelter, no luck. He pushed me to the limit one day and I took her to the pound. She was a beautiful cat and I was told they would not put her down as long as she was healthy. Anyhoo, she was put up for adoption. 2 weeks later I found out she had gotten sick at the pound and they put her down. It is my fault I let him break me and I let her down but if it wasnt for him, my poor kitty would still be here. Had this situation been his, he would have divorced me, or whatever. Im f($($ sick of it. Just had to vent.

Why don't you leave him?

Oh your poor cat! You need to leave this POS!

My husband is a jerk too, I thought I was alone and no one knows how I feel and then I found this. I have no friends, and he likes it that way. I have tried to make it work with him for 14 years now, things start to get a little better and then he just becomes a major jerk again, putting me down and hurting me with the words that come out of his mouth like spitting venom, once in awhile he gets a little physical when I make him real angry, then asks me if I am having a pity party for myself when I cry. Wow where to start! He used to be both physically and mentally abusive at the beginning of our marriage. I was like what did I get myself into? When we first got married, he was so mean to me, I figured it was because he still had bitterness for his ex-wife who cheated on him. But I think if he treated her like he treats me it is no wonder she left, though I don’t condone cheating on your spouse when you are still married at all. His mother said he never used to be that way, it was after his first marriage, he became like that. I had no idea he was the way he was when we got married, he was on “good behavior” I guess. The first time he blew up at me, was about a month after we were married. It was when I messed up in the checkbook, he screamed and became irate and pushed me around a little. Over the years he was that way, being both mentally and physically mean, he didn’t do it all the time, I seemed to get over it before it happened again, as I am a very laid back person, and I don’t stay mad long which is a blessing but it has also been a curse. Well now I compare him to a Dr Jeykll, Mr Hyde kinda guy. When he is nice he is funny and great to be around, the man I love and married. But when Mr Hyde arises, I can’t stand him. That is how I found this site, by typing in “Is it possible to love your husband and not like him?”. That is how I feel, he can be so mean, he is cruel and cold hearted with the things he says to me and both of our daughters. Basically how I am a waste or how they are dumb and wont amount to anything. And I think how could someone who says such mean things if they truly love me or them, why would he treat us that way? He is just fine to the boys. I have endured like this for so long and I don’t want to live the rest of my life this way. I was taught to make your marriage work and my mother is in the same boat as me. My dad is Mentally and Physically abusive to my mother over their marriage and she doesn’t love him, but she stays with him. Well I don’t want to live that way. But it is so hard to leave. I have 4 kids and our youngest boy just turned 13, so all my kids are teenagers now and they even think he is mean to me, our daughters don’t like him, and it has been like that over the years. He seems to have an overall dislike for women. I feel stuck, because I have never been on my own. I moved out of my parent’s house and lived with a boyfriend, and then I got married. So it is pretty scary for me to even think of leaving and I don’t want to hurt my husband, because even though I don’t like the Mr Hyde side of him, I love Mr Jekyll I have been with him for so long it is just really confusing, he always apologizes after being a jerk, and then I forgive him but then later he does it again and again. He will not do counseling, he doesn’t believe in it and he is so stubborn and hard headed. I want to leave but it is so much easier said than done, he apologizes and then things are ok for a little while again, I need off of this Roller Coaster ride, the more it happens the older it gets. Thanks for letting me vent.

I hope your boys don't turn out like him. Hate to say it, but if you let your little boys watch their dad treat and talk to women that way, that is how they learn to treat women in their lives.

I see my story in all of this is not exaggerated...some men are brought up as jerks..atleast in my country, their mothers teach them that women work for men

To all of the past and future women on this post. Looks like we've all been in the same boat or continue to be in the boat and feel like you just want to jump out of the boat but can't swim. I like you have allowed this type of treatment 1 day too long. Its difficult to change the pattern when its already been established. We know in our heart and minds that it is not right yet we endure with the hopes that love is there and that a kind heart actually exist in the person we chose as our mate, when in actuality they have no regard for our feelings, what we want, and what we have done that's goes unappreciated. Each time we give of ourselves we get less, each time they take from us they continue to take more. The cycle starts and ends with us. Email for inspiration when you need it the most, we can all help each other

God I am so happy to see I am not alone. On my wedding day I was so nervous and I felt like backing out but I kept telling myself it was just nerves and I was ok. I shoulda ran. My husband is a first class jerk! Today for example... something screwed up with my credit card payment and it screwed up because I was asking him if I was doing it right when I was paying it online last month from another account and he's just like yea uh huh yup... so I thought I was doing everything right. I get a letter from the bank today and it says the payment never went through and now there's a fee. And now he's mad at me and blaming me! We went to get my sons pictures taken. No help there. He didn't want to spend much on pictures, but when the time came to order them he was no where to be found so I order them and then told him how much they came to and he complained about it. We went to the store to buy my niece a birthday gift... he wanted to be cheap about a gift but I had to remind him my sister wasn't cheap when she paid for our sons gift for his bday. So he complained about that. He left my son 2 aisles down because my son wouldn't follow him in the store. He drug my son my his arm because my son wouldn' walk and then when I told him to stop he says oh i didn't notice what I was doing. What!?!?!?!<br />
Everyday I think about divorce. But I quit my job to stay home with my son, so I have no money. I'm so depressed because of the mental and verbal abuse that I just don't care about anything but my son. I get yelled at because the house isn't as clean as it should be. I don't have friends anymore. I have family but they all hate my husband. Go figure. I feel alone with no way out.

U R NOT ALONE, as I am in the exact same situation.
Mental and verbal abuse. Stayed home for our son~no $ of my own, and I want out, with my brain intact.
Where do u live? What state anyways. Minnesota here.
Would u share your email?

Hi I'm 37 years old and have 4 kids my oldest being 19 and youngest 9. My two older sons are from my ex so my husband now is not there biological father, anyways I got married to my husband with my 2 boys in 1998. Everything was good with our marriage for the first 2 to 3 years. I truly belive he was cheating on me this was about 4 years a go now. Things were so bad that every time I tried to confront him about it he would shut down and tell me I was crazy and call the cops on me saying that I'm trying to kill him when he's sleeping, and I don't remember doing any of those things the other thing is its was the lady who rented out the ba<x>sement suite that I belive he was seeing, coz he started to sleep in the spare room we had in our garge easy excess to her place from there. I had been separated from him for three years. I have been back with home now for about a year and he has changed a bit but still puts me down never communicates anything with me and gets mad if I ask when he will be home from work after he is 1/2 hour late. I'm so confused and don't know what to do I'm only working 1 day a week. I used to have good jobs but because we separed I know longer have those jobs and need traing to get back into nursing. I'm not sure if I want to be with him or not I know when we separated I wished we didn't oh and he did divorce me in the 3 years we were apart, and now that we are together we are divorced I have asked him to marry me and he says no that he doesn't want to go trough that againg. Help I'm so confused I think I have feelings for him and love him but I'm not sure coz I feel hurt and hate all the time from him

Hey All, <br />
<br />
I really need to talk to someone. I just got married like a month ago. We have sex once a week or once every two weeks, he's a pig, i clean up , cook and do everything. He's got a underpaid job. On top of all this he leaves the house in the morning than gets home at like 8:30 and then goes out with friends. He won;t let me go out with my friends though. Well i passed out in the bathroom last night and today he left without giving a **** why i'm still in bed at 2pm ( i took 2 vicodins). I had broken a toe nail and i think i passed out cause the pain was unbearable. Anyways , he's gone i dunno where he is and i don't even wanna call him. Can someone tell me what the **** is wrong in this marriage??? he says he loves me, he doesn't cheat, but why the **** would he act like a ******* jerk?

well i been with my husband for 2 1/2 years he only shows me love when he wants me to have sex with him or when he wants some money i cry alot somtimes i feel used like he has no respect for me he dont wanna go any were i am the that makes the money and he want to spend all of it and when i spend my money its a problem i wanna just run away i feel like cheating on him because im not use to this this way of life is new to me i need a divorce and i need one now and when i tell him this he feels like its a joke

I have only been married for a month and already feel like that...I just want to run away...

I saw this, and was curious to read it and see how my fellow man was doing. I may only be a 17 year old kid, but my mother raised me to respect women. My jaw drops at some of these. I don't know whether these are exaggerated or not, but it makes me a little sad. I'd be sure to never treat my wife anywhere close to these posts. I have a feeling some of your husbands are too lucky, and are taking you for granted. I'm sorry, towards all of you. On behalf of men, I apologize. haha/:

poor you have you tried counseling you might need it i feel bad for you try to get HIM to LISTEN and APOLOGIZE and not you listening and apologizing.

OMG! I love this! Everyday I say my husband is a jerk and heres an entire group of people that feel the same way. Thank God for you all!

my husband puts me down alot he gets mad if i dont feed our son often enough he has thrown things at me grabbed me spit on me he also hit my once while i was nursing the baby he hasnt been as abusive but he still will punch the steerinwheel or throw thing and threaten me if I stand up for myself I dont know what to do! im 16 weeks preg

my husband puts me down alot he gets mad if i dont feed our son often enough he has thrown things at me grabbed me spit on me he also hit my once while i was nursing the baby he hasnt been as abusive but he still will punch the steerinwheel or throw thing and threaten me if I stand up for myself I dont know what to do! im 16 weeks preg

my husband puts me down alot he gets mad if i dont feed our son often enough he has thrown things at me grabbed me spit on me he also hit my once while i was nursing the baby he hasnt been as abusive but he still will punch the steerinwheel or throw thing and threaten me if I stand up for myself I dont know what to do! im 16 weeks preg

You have to outsmart the jerks! My hubby is a narcisisist. He is arrogant, and selfish. If he picks up his own bath towel he has to be praised. He works, but spends his money on his lunches and his lottery tickets.I am a stay at home mom, who has managed to make some extra money from a home business. I don't make alot, but enough to help pay the bills. I am not allowed to have 5.00 if he knows it, he takes it and says he is broke.He does not do anything for me unless I hear about it for days or months. If he buys me a cheeseburger off the 1.00 menu he will say I need you to pay my bill (child support from a previous relationship),because I bought you something to eat the other day, and if I say no, because I have paid it many times, he will say "well, when I go to jail I guess you will lose everything, so I pay it. He feels entitled, like someone owes him a living. So, heres what I did....Child support court is coming up, and I know he will wait til last minute and hit me up for the money, so I put his leather sectional up for sale, and I SOLD IT!!! I sent the money in to pay on his bill.I will sell his underwear if I have to, but I will break him.I used to lay around crying, but then I realized that with a jerk you can't show weakness, your weakness is their power!I told him, look do not ever spend another dollar on me, which he doesnt do, but anyway, I said please pay your own bills, and I will pay on our mortgage etc...I have to do this because he spends his money on his whims, and expects my parents, who have done well for themselves to pay his latest traffic fines or whatever mess up he has to pay for. This man is 42 yrs. old, and still wants people to pay his way.Enough already! So, unless he starts being responsible and managing his money, I will sell all of his stuff to pay his bills! Anybody looking for a nice gun safe?

U go girl!

I guess I'm not the only one...My husband is also a jerk sometimes....I know he loves me but thats not enough...He cant control his temper when he's in a bad mood...he has also hit me once or twice without any reason...I can never reason it out with him wen he's pissed n he gets real nasty...I really hate it wen behaves like this...we are so detached...I guess I have to live with this....:(

Reading these posts, I know I'm not alone. My husband is a JERK! He makes 6 figures and I have to go and beg at food pantries to feed our children. He drives a BMW and our kids only wear clothes that are hand me downs or from thrift stores. He tells me he's not going to spend his money taking me out for dinner. I am the maid and nanny. I left him for 8 months... he cried, begged, pleaded, threatened, implored me to move back. Oh, he's different now, how things are going to change, oh... he's soooo sorry for all he's put me through. Yeah, that lasted for about a month. The biggest problem is that we have 2 kids together (they are 5 and 7), so I have to deal with him on one level or another for pretty much the rest of my life. He has made it very, very clear that if we are divorced, he will make my life a living hell... so here you go, JERK, we are sill married. Are you happy now?!?!

I am so frustrated myself. <br />
<br />
You know, and I'm about done with it.<br />
<br />
My husband has been drooling over this girl for two years. We have fought about it. He's a jerk about it. This morning I ask, "Can you please help remind me about taking my sleeping stuff" tonight and he tells me, no, he has too much to worry about himself, and he has obviously been talking to this girl. And you know what?<br />
<br />
I'm tired of being treated like crap.<br />
<br />
I'm done with that.<br />
<br />
You know how it says an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? I'm about ready to that point. The point is giving back what's good and what's not. I mean, hey, I could cheat on him, but that'd make me no better than him. So, how do I do things right back at him?<br />
<br />
I've groveled to much at his feet. It's about time that he started respecting me.

i have the same problem too.My husband is a jerk .Only mine is an alcoholic with a bad drinking habit.He has called me names and wonders why i don't want to have sex with him.We don't sleep together anymore and haven't for sometime now.The love has been gone for years.We have been together 22 years and married 11.He has been in and out of the hospital for his drinking.I want to leave but i don't have a job.Thank god we never had children together.

I feel most men put women down out of their own low self esteem,<br />
He may be a total jerk and act confident but that's just his mask, he's <br />
just insecure. Also, sometimes he may feel that he is "man" and needs <br />
to be treated as such. He may feel unmasculine. Most men are really<br />
Self conscious and feel they need to put you down to feel the confidence<br />
and "power" to be a man. Also, a man should never deny sex, no matter <br />
how tired. Try spicing up your sex life, buy a new sexy outfit or even buy <br />
some sex toys to try. Also, more "alone time" the better. The stress of kids <br />
get to us so make sure you always take time out to have time. Also, try if <br />
you can to compliment him! Insecure guys love to hear that they are attractive,<br />
Also, If none of this works I'm afraid it is time for a divorce. Hope that's not the case,<br />
Because marriage can be a blessing<3. Hope I helped!<br />
<br />

You have got to be kidding me!

yeah,my husband never lets me have the bank card or ANY money,he doesnt want me to smoke cigs or read too many books or play on the computer, he wants me home so he knows where i am so i can cook him food,we dont talk much we dont have sex much, if i ask for more money,sex,fun he tries to make me feel bad about it, ive been married 2 yrs,should I get out now?

i am married to a total idiot for 40 years. i can't stand him. i don't love him anymore. i wish he would just move away. i don't leave him because everything is so expensive, and i have a good life here that doesn't include him. my retirement check is abundant and our house and cars are new and paid for. <br />
<br />
the biggest thing for me is that i look elsewhere for love and sex. i don't like having to do that. i would love to get that from him, but can't do nothing with an idiot. he's an idiot like his father was.

Omg just came across this post, and I am sorry to d say what a load of bull sh** , nobody has the right to treat you like that let alone your husband, and ***** footing around him just because his up bringing was crap, not your fault, these sorts of people need to be told directly what A **** they really are, and let the so called friends he has know too and let people in on how he treats you other wise this behaviour will continue, if it was me I would be out of there in a heart beat life is to short, to be trying to sort some1 eles problems out after all he's been this way all his life so the chances of him changing are slim.

I am a believer but my husband isn't. It's so hard when he treats unlike crap and if u fight back he says real nice Christian! I can't take it! He tells me he misses his ex. I wish he would go. We have a 3 yr old and he loves him very much but this is so not healthy. I don't have any savins we use all our money on bills well.... He buys a butt load of electronics whatever so where can o go? Nowhere :( praying every day he finds someone and leaves. Omg I would be soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy! I cannot stand him I have to have sex w him so he docent fight about that but then he calls me just a hole! Wth am I doing in this life? Why? Am I so screwed?

I have been married for 17 years and my husband gets worse with each passing day. He is extremely verbally abusive and he has also been physically abusive on several occasions. He has double standards and thinks he can do no wrong. He screams and yells at me in front of our children and tells me to shut up and to do what he says. I have tried so hard to keep my mouth shut and try to keep him happy but I can't do it. I always find myself appologizing to him and trying to make things better when it wasn't even me that did anything wrong - he NEVER says he is sorry. I have never told anyone about his behavior - I am too ashamed that I am one of the women that just sits by and allows this to happen to them.

My husband is a jerk because he refuses to get a job to support us. He came from an abusive household so thinks he can vent out his failures on the only person who supports him. Me!!I have told him several times to end this relationship as it is a burden on me. Moreover, he uses my hard earned money to support his family's needs. He thinks he should be a business owner of a large company without any experience or funds. I am fed up I dont know what to do

Oh god ladies really...get with it,,. Thats right one life one world one chance...Move on get rid of him...and if you have kids maybe 1,2, or 3 ..why wasn't he a jerk then!! Think about it. Maybe its you... Meaning your playing the victim on your own sitcom...get out ...make a life for youself and your kids before its to late. Men like this need to control because of the lack of just about everything. So get empowered and move on. Ya know what your missing. Kind hearted, compassionate and loving men out there willing to commit and love. Alot of them even like to cook..I'm done preaching go out enjoy the ONLY life you'll ever have...God Bless.....

Christmas...I'm trying to hold 3 dishes of food and put them in the fridge, which I'm holding open with one foot, to find the spot I had cleared earlier for them is filled with his beer! I was frustrated and said "It's filled with Mike's stupid beer!"...10 minutes later in comes in the house yelling at me in front of all our family saying "I heard what you said about it, why do you put me down and try to make me look bad in front of all your family?" I said I wasn't...I apologized, told him it wasn't him, I was holding 3 plates and trying to put them in fridge and the spot I had cleared had beer in it"...he proceeded to yell at me, and everyone embarrassing. If the dumb idiot wasn't always drunk this wouldn't have happened. So tonight I told him he could just go ahead and go, leave, be gone...I put all the Christmas away ...told him this is the last Christmas of mine he's going to ruin. He was mad cuz none of his kids even call him, they don't even call him dad, they call him Mike...such a jerk!But he always twists everything somehow to put blame on me...hateful idiot.

My husband has turned into a jerk too. We dated for 5 yrs and are married for 4 yrs. For the first two yrs he was nice.. but when i found him dying on every pretty n smart woman i would ask him not to do so when we r married now...or when he is being suppressed by his family i askd him to take care of him and dont let them rule you... I used to discuss philosphies and words of god and wisdom with him too... But he is very practical... n sumtimes think i m mad.. preaching him about life after death and what abt life here... I always say we shld find the right balance between the spiritual and material world... He lies a lot and uses techniques to win and befool people. Sometimes i think he is jealous of my nature too. I never lie and i hate liars and fraudelent people... I used to ask him that we should improve ourself each day and try to perfect our imperfections. We are opposites.. I love reading too.. n he hates it.... we r totally different.. he is and i m a bit introvert.. <br />
Maybe in the first two yrs i think i lectured him a lot... But our relation was good.. In the third year i started respecting his thinking and views thinking he would feel air and will come to his good self... But the case has worsened.. The day i stopped saying anything he has turned into a vampire always insulting me, fighting with me and finds fault with my everything whatsoever... He never wipes my tear.. and now it doesnt matter to him if i am crying or even if i suicide.. He wants to be happy thats it. Nothing abt me.. If i ask him anything he gets angry. If i ask him to have food he gets angry... I think he hates me now and my life is so ruined. I so worshipped this man and put him on pedestal... n he is torturing me now... what do i do??? pls advice.. I sumtimes think its a karmic balance. maybe i used to teach him and he would hv been hurt and is now taking out his resentment... PLS SOMEBODY ADVICE ME...<br />

You know ladies I feel your pain! My husband is such a selfish and thoughtless jerk...I work full time and have two kids and all he thinks about is him. I had a daughter from a prior marriage that he adopted 4 years ago and I am completely regretting that decision. We also share one daughter together. But the only person he is nice to is the baby. This all started right after I had the baby and he became really distant. I tried talking to him, but all he did was blow me off. At first I started about our lack of sex, and I really thought it was because he just saw me deliver a baby, but after 2 years..please!! When we do have sex it is like prison style from behind without an ounce of emotions. He said all I do is ***** and complain all the time, but come on really. I want a husband in my life and not another child. I want a man that loves me and wants to be here with me. And don't even get me started about our communication...he sends me text messages. So now I am at the point that I am no longer even responding. I know I deserve more, but right now we just don't have the money to live separately....I truly hate my life with him. Christmas is in a few days and I am regretting it. I hated decorating this year and only did it for the kids. I am completely miserable, but I am trying to get out of debt so I can finally be FREE!!!

All you whiny ******* need to shut the **** up and work for your husband. Making the income for the family is hard work and a man being a normal man can't do all that other organizing woman stuff, it just doesn't work that way. Yeah, my dad can be a jerk to me and my mom sometimes but it's not like he's a bad guy, he's just misunderstood and is struggling with mental issues, just like I am. I feel for all the men out there that have problematic relationships with their wife, you girls don't have it as hard as your like to think you have it. Yes, stick up for yourself, but don't be threatening to leave and **** like that, that just makes matters worse. Be nice to your husband and make him glad he has a wife like you, then he'll do the same for you, I'm sure you wouldn't notice much when he did that though.

My husband doesn't respect me either. I need to feel encouraged, listened to, laughed with, etc. like any other person. But, my other half is never here and while he is away he may call a couple of times to yell at me. He is also sarcastic as all get out! Should I continue in this marriage? I don't look forward to seeing him or talking with him anymore. We don't share much accept a bed on occasion.

My husband is so verbally abusive. I really feel so drained inside. I don't understand why he takes everything bad that happens to him out on me. He's so hurtful. He gets so angry at times that he punches walls and throw things. He has never hit me but I'm scared of him when he gets like that. He complains about everything...his work, if we have to go to my parents, about my friends, going places, buying something, anything possible. If I make a mistake I never hear the end of it and he makes me feel so bad about it, like I'm stupid and worthless. He has told me to go kill myself and that I'm worthless. I just don't understand how someone casn be like that and not feel bad about it. Because he has been so bad with me I feel like I have to protect my self and make him feel just as bad as he's made me feel. After reading all these stories on this site I went to the bathroom and cried my eyes out. I feel so terrible that there are people who are going through this. I haven't told anyone about this because i don't want my parents or friends to worry. Also, when he brought me to meet his parents, i saw a totally different side of him, he treated his mother so badly. He was never taught how to respect women. And now he's treating me like he did his mother. I should have followed my instincts thaT THIS woukd have happened before I married him, but i thought he wouldn't be like this with me...I was wrong and | know it would be better to leave him but I do still want the marriage to work. I would love to chat with someone here , maybe I'll feel better.

You should not use real names on this site, you are not doing what you are supposed to do. You are doing damage to yourself, as you look like a jealous wife.

We got marriage last month.. its love marriage (2 yrs of knowing eachother),,m 23 n he is 30,,,he was kinda crazy on me though i know he is selfish too...after marriage he starts showing his real faces..i do all the household work there..i do job as well but i can't get any help from him though i ask..he don't do anything more thaning being infront of TV ..he drinks too..but before marriage he used to listen me but now its being hard for me to convince him..its just a first month of marriage and we do have sex just a twice a week,,m sure this is not normal...<br />
yesterday even he beat me with all his anger..i was helpless couldn't do more than crying...he thinks every act i do is wrong..he don't care if i cry that hurts me most..if i cry he beat me more to stop me..i even tried suicide too but he caught me..he act as if its normal..he didn't give damn...he act could he do so ? m just pissed off..mah eyes r still hurting because of whole nite cry..can't tell to my parents coz i don't wanna make them sad too....plsss<br />
say somehting..i ll feel warm...

Sometimes love looses it's spark, maybe you just need to take a vaction together, and light the fire again. :]

He is gay.

My husband told me today he hates me and I should kill myself :(( I can't handle any more what he is saying to me. His mother is crazy and when his parents were around us we fought,If they even called us:( I don't know what can I do. I left my job for him, I am working for him :((((What can I do I don't know anymore

True enough and well said Carin & Lawdog... I do understand that. <br />
<br />
He is willing, at this point, to take a chance, quit his job and start a new life in a new province. I'm happy about that.<br />
<br />
Funny, I have started to teach him about sex... however, still no moves.... he had no idea that women (generally speaking), do to men what they like to have done to them.... maybe this is a start?? We'll see....

You're a person with normal biological, psychological needs. If there's nothing medically wrong with either of you, then it's something else. You could do counseling, try to work it out, or walk. See what he's willing to change/do for you. If he's not willing, then walk. Why waste your life on someone who can't respect you?

leave him and never get married again most men are the same after a few years, so why bother being an abused slave :( stupid guys

I hear you Lovefromang and I have decided to work on it. We moved to a different province and will be taking in a new look and lease on life. I'm looking forward to it...and I think he is too. In our old life, we were too stuck in a rut and I think it's time to get out of it! :-)

I also was married to a man just like all of your husbands. I was miserable all the time and would always think if he would just change. We eventually divorced which i thought was the right answer. Maybe it was but I now know what would of helped our situation and very possibly could of corrected it. I was a mess myself in my marriage but I didn't realize it. He was lazy and I was a good wife who did everything and I mean everything including cutting the grass. I realize now that I had a lot of pain in me too. We all have pain that we don't know how to deal with and it manifests in anger and frustration usually. He also had pain and not to mention he wasn't raised and taught how to treat a woman. What is he supposed to learn overnight just because he's married? No, this takes time and if I would of been patient and loved him even when he deserved to be hated on I believe it would of helped. We need to talk to our hubbys and show them that it's not all their fault and we can love them and not nag even when we think they deserve it. I'm now married to a wonderful husband but I did go down a horrible road and found out it wasn't all the man but it was me too. I never would of thought it but I actually found all my answers in the bible. God made us all and He just might know how to help us get along better than some shrink that knows nothing and has more problems than we do. There are many books out there that focus just on the marriage teachings in the bible that are so helpful. My marriage now is a marriage made in heaven. Seriously I can't believe it I never thought it would be possible. We continue to work on it everyday. Don't give up girls Jesus Christ our God has the answers to all this in the little life instruction book he left us! <br />
The five love languages is a great book to start with btw.