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My Husband Is a Jerk!

My husband is such a freaking jerk!  He has absolutely NO respect for me or my feelings!

Man, I could just kick his butt right out the damn door.

He doesn't CARE if we are sexless... I told him it is a BASIC HUMAN NEED and he doesn't care!

God, what am I supposed to do?????? 

Why do I stay?  Why do I keep breathing?  Somedays it seems that nobody cares!



Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 119 Responses Aug 18, 2007

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Yeah I get ask n he makes 15$ hr he says hey IMA take u to a hotel so he shows up late n I pay for room thinking hell reimburse me. He didn't. Then I had to pay for a tire he takes my truck every day to work I'm alone n woods all day. It breaks n he gets rides n I'm screwed . I pay for gas n overdraft. He should reimburse me. I pay for storage and insurance full coverage. He knows it's all I have. I really want to do nice things for my kids. I cook n clean. He promises to take me to movie but andalone. I tell him this he got mad n says i should act limke a lady. I grew up in foster care i do my best. Th we nhe suggestsmaby imeshouldhave oralsex with the lady next door. Im so discusted.have no hot water i hate it. Help me!!!drinks beer with his buddies. I amsad

I understand ur feelings mine is same way. This mourning I woke up to him yelling at me bout the trash can. Then when I went back to sleep I woke up to him stealing my money. Then I couldn't go back to sleep cause he left every light in our house on. If that wasn't enough he pulled up beside our bed room window and layed on horn.

Im aged like u nd sexless for long, im fond of chatting in net, on any issue even on sex, so add me on hangout, my id is, send me request to add u, please has helped me!

It is my birthday. Worked from 8-5, got home ate dinner and took a kid to practice while my wife went out with friends. Got home at eight and put kids to bed. She gets home at 10 and immediately com0lains that the 4 dishes she left soaking in the sink (bowl, measuring cup, spoon, measuring spoon) are still in the sink and then that one of the kids didnt flush the toilet. I apologized and said i hadnt used the sink or that bathroom and she just got snappy at me. I have mentioned that birthdays are hard for me because i was often ignored growing up and then as a teen had people die around this day. So, the kicker is I am actually feeling sorry for her. I guess I could of investigated checked on the sink and bathroom. Oh well no one died and she probably would have found something else i did wrong. Happy Birrthday

UHHH...there is something wrong with this picture. You said it is your birthday and she complaining after you took care of the kids and she comes home at 10?? What wrong with you? Are you in such a habit that you can't see? 1st she using you. 2nd she has no respect for you. 3rd you have no respect for yourself. and 4th is she having an affair? If she is you would be the last to know after she makes arrangemetn to dump you and take everything. Wake up and get out of your comfort zone or you will be in big trouble shortly. Believe me been there and not going back.

Can't tell what it's like for him. There's a country song who's lyrics go "it's hard to kiss the lips at night, who chew your A** out all day long!

There is a book I refer to, called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. another good one is called "Getting To I Do". That one is a dating book, but I find it helps me a lot in my marriage.

Marriage is sooooooo hard. I'm going through a rough patch, myself. I'm recovering from a hysterectomy (first week out) and my husband has been a rageing jerk, yelling at me about things I can not do anything about for a couple of months when I'm well. He'll catch me cleaning something and he'll start yelling. I need help and when I ask him to do something like make a bed, he carries on like it's the end of the world. I wish I were in Hawaii right now.

OMG what a jerk! You got it bad girl! Yes marrage is difficult but your marrage is as strong as your weakest link and he is it. Go see a counselor! Go see a minister or priest or rabbi! Go get some help somewhere with or without him because he will destroy you inside and out what ever his problem is. It like you are both in a middle of an ocean and he can't both will drown so start swimming or learn to fast.

I ask a lot for counseling he refuses . my foster dads a preacher n says my husband has for fired his vows already by how he treats me so ugly.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this but I'm frustrated and wonder if this is normal. I gave my wife a back-rub and then put the kids in their beds. I lit a candle and played some music etc for her. Everything was going good until she said no on the old hank and pank, I was like okay no big deal. But she kept nagging at me that I'm let down, I'm disappointed on and on to where it got annoying (mind you I don't think I said anything about it nor did I care too much that tonight would end in nothing).... I finally said, okay, "then don't disappoint me" and then she says" the only reason I do anything nice for her is for ***, I don't care about her her or her feelings etc." Some of the women here seem like they would appreciate the fact that I did this and I only did it to be nice, yes *** would have been nice but so would a thank you (I was washing her hair and rubbing her back), not find something negative out of a beautiful evening.

I am a pretty good looking 28 year old man that is pretty in touch with his feelings without being needy or feminine, but my wife acts like anytime I show anything but "I don't care" type of emotions than "I'm weird" or "I'm acting crazy."

Women, she is an "alpha female" and I'm not sure how to deal with that. Honestly, it was nice at first, but now that she doesn't communicate and always tries to act like I'm crazy anytime I want to talk, it's very frustrating.

Is just acting hard as bricks the best way to be, or is she trying to gain power? Any suggestions?

women do like ******** that why we stay w the big jerks as u can read. so be a hard *** be th alpha male and put her in her place and dont try to have sex with her then when she complaines remind her u r crazy and weird

My husbands useless for sex. Makes me feel discussing.

Omg!!! I am just happy i am not alone!!!!! Im married for 4 years and my husband moved to my country "because of me" he says.... The fact is he wanted a better life. I am 27 an he is 31 and we have a 2 year old daughter... I love him! I think he loves me too... But his ***** mother has so much power over him its SICK!! People go like.." why do you have problems with your mother in law, she doesnt even live in the same country". Well GUESS again! The **** skype is on the mobile phone and she talks to her son every day with skype!!!!! And my husband cant hide stuff....if you know what i mean... I could tell that his mom has put her nose in our isssues again because i can see it threw his face and the way he talks! I dont know why she doesnt like me... And whats worse is that my husband cant see that she doest like me! Even when she yells at me when we go there to visit them my husband doesnt even protect me or tell his mom to shut up.... She tells me all nasty things and i dont say anything back to her... I just look at her and think to myself why god did you give me a mother in law like this. Anyway... While she is cussing at me she cries and yells like a drama queen.... my husband turns around and tells me if something happens to my parents you will not be safe in My hands!!! Like what the ****???!!! As if i did anything???? I have no clue why and what happen for her not to like me.... At least she should respect me as her son's wife... ?? If i was that bad why did he marrie me??? And why did she let him marry me??? She has other two kids who are older then my husband and are married living close by her ... She has her husband .... Why put her nose in our life??? I know my husband is beeing a jerk to me ... Ive been living a hell while i was pregnant and after pregnancy OMG!!!! She never gives me a brake... How can i make my husband understand that I need him to respect me even when his mom is around....? And how can i make him understand that his mom is making our life misrable????

respect is earned not given and neither one of them respects u. so grow a set and let your husband know u r not putting up with the BS anymore. and when u go to visit and she mean and hateful be a Big B right back to her then cry just like she does

Reading your post was like reading a page out of my life. My husband and his family are from another country and I did not realize what that might entail when we got married. First came the DEMAND from his family to "have babies," which was none of their business. When we did not start a family right away, came the personal questions, "Can't you? Don't you like babies? What's wrong with you? I know a lady who can give you a potion to make you have babies." They always ask the prices of things, always point out everyone else's faults, and they are always after ME to be a "better wife." My sister-in-law and her husband are always telling me what a dead-end job I have -- I am have a PhD and I am a fully tenured college professor, while my sister-in-law "works from home" (read telemarketer) and her husband is a driver for a repo company. My mother-in-law was always in our business until the day she died. We had moved and the burial was quite a distance away. My husband told me to stay away from the funeral (?????) and now tries to pile on the guilt because I did not go to her funeral. WTF???? I'm afraid I don't have a solution, except to tell you that through the years I have developed a thick skin. Don't expect things to change too much. My husband is 53, his "kid" brother is 51 and "Sissy" had taken up where my mother-in-law left off -- "Sissy" babies her brothers as if they are toddlers, bosses them and tells them what loser wives they have. I ignore everything I can and hang on to the qualities about my husband that I adore.

Ugh mistake married a Mexican.

"husband turns around and tells me if something happens to my parents you will not be safe in My hands!"....this sounds like a serious threat to your safety. Get out while the getting is good. Plan it now and get family to help. There is no love or respect for you. it the country, which you did not tell us, is where women are look down than run do not walk. Sorry but I would not be treated by anyone expecially if I had kids. Kids are your future and you owe them your life to protect.

Voodoo her to die

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My man was a jerk for over 10 years and often still is. Everything changed with him after we had our first child. He never really seemed to care much for the child. I got a part time job instead of working full time because I knew it would be better for our son to be in daycare less. I remember sitting there nursing our infant son and him screaming at me to go back to work fulltime because he wanted more money. I caved in and went back to work fulltime. Money was so important to him I was terrified to quit my job, and my son got sick over and over again and the doctors just kept shrugging their shoulders and the child almost got hospitalized with pneumonia. My son ended up developing autism within his first year due to having so many chronic infections and developed autoimmune disease of the brain eventually, and I knew things were not right and my husband and his family kept bullying me out of taking him to a specialist. Even though he had horrible speech delays, and I knew even at 2 had multiple developmental delays. I begged so many times to stay home with him but my husband refused, insisting we would go broke. I late found out he was hiding money to make it look like we couldn't survive on his income alone. Eventually my son became so aggressive and out of control I could not leave him anywhere, and this was after finding out he was being abused at a daycare my husband's relative was running. I quit my job and started working from home, whatever part time jobs I could find. All my husband would talk about was how I needed to bring in a certain amount of money each month to cover my share of the bills. Try working from home with no babysitter, an autistic child and another baby. It was sheer hell. At times I worked four part time jobs to make ends meet, and took care of the house and all the kids. He hardly lifted a finger except to cook for himself and make a mess. When I got out of shape due to working around the clock, I found out he was addicted to ****, and when I confronted him he blamed me for all of it, saying he wasn't attracted to me anymore. Well, turns out I had hypothyroidism and autoimmune thyroid disease that was untreated, so gained some weight from that which was very hard to lose. The next year we got the autism diagnosis for my son and that was so hard. I blamed myself for so long. If only I had been stronger and stood up to my husband instead of working fulltime and letting my son get so sick. Then my child had a psychotic break the next year and everyone was pointing the finger at me, blaming it on the GFCF diet I had put him on, that was really helping his behavior. Well, turns out he had his immune system attacking his brain, and we later found out had chronic lyme disease. Then my younger child developed similar symptoms and both got diagnosed with autoimmune brain disease. I felt like my life was over, but the battles were still going. Every time I scheduled an appointment for my children to see a specialist for this disease, we somehow didn't have enough money. I was told by my husband to give them a bunch of supplements and vitamins to cure them myself. What they needed were prescription immune modulators and long term antibiotics, sometimes steroids. Talk about depressing. Throughout all these years I battled constant depression, and even got to the point of considering suicide around this time because things were so bad. I complained once to my mother about having no money to treat my kids and she laughed and told me to go sell my wedding ring and anything else I owned. Nobody cared about us at all. I finally told him I would divorce him and report him to child protective services because he was not allowing our son's to be treated medically if he didn't change his ways. He told me if we divorced he didn't want custody of our autistic son. Then I fixed all the problems, for the most part. I almost obsessively studied natural medicine, found a safe immune modulator and put our children on it with the help of a holistic doctor. Since I was sick I went on it myself. When money ran out to see the holistic doc I found out how to order the medicine online from overseas myself. Then we found a great specialist and I found some safe supplements to help my autistic's son immune system fight the lyme disease. I found a lot of help through online support groups and even was directed to use an antibiotic that was good for neurological problems for my autistic son. Later we found the reason my kids were sick- a genetic problem that makes it hard for the body to detox, and also it caused my children to pile up infections inside and develop autoimmune disease. The tests showed it was passed on from both myself and their father, yet he continues to deny he has the genetic problem. Oh, well. Now we are doing better, the children and I, on supplements and a special diet to address these things. I am now studying lyme disease to help my son put his illness into remission, and with the help of god I know we will. I get no support hardly from my family or my husband's but it doesn't matter a bit to me. Slowly my husband is starting to act better and participate in family life, though he's not home much. I've found I don't care anymore. When he acts like a jerk and yells at me if I ask him to help out, I am strong enough to shrug my shoulders knowing he's the one with the problem. I believe one day my kids and I will have a full recovery and that maybe I will be able to find my own happiness in some way. I don't believe relationships, even friendships, can bring much happiness. Not after what I have been through, almost 9 years of loneliness, anxiety, depression, and struggling alone. I hope to one day become a lyme doctor and help children with autism and lyme get better and recover. I hope to do this because I don't want another mother to go through what I have had to endure. I pray each day for God's help and I know that if he guides me I will be unstoppable in completely improving my life and helping others.

Im really sorry to hear about what you have been through, you are so brave and strong to still think and live so positively. Hope you and your son all the best and God bless you.

My God, woman, I can't believe the nightmare you've lived through. Seems as though your life would be more peaceful without your husband around.

YOU are one amazing woman!!! Your determination and resilience are mind-blowing. Remember there are wonderful people out there and you met some in the doctors and support groups. Please don’t give up on humanity all together. People are the reason for happiness. Kids are people too. You are right when you said your husband has a problem.

You are strong and God is using you!! Your story inspired me. Keep notes this may be a book!! Keep your head up and remember to have some fun. may be helpful to you.
Many Blessings

Owow. U are amazing!!! Iam so proud of u.

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Yeah mine says he can have any woman he wants. I hate him and want to leave help

My husband and I have been married a little over a year..we have Been trying for children.. But the way I feel now... About 6 months ago he did something awful.. He didnt cheat but he might as well have... He thought about it! Everyone thinks he is sooo wonderful.. But he is a jerk! And to make it worse he tried this with my own SISTER!! Luckily she always has my back.. I respect the fact that he told me himself what he did n begged my forgiveness.. I agreed on 2 conditions.. 1 he gets god in his life 2 he proves he loves me
He has done pretty good.. We now go to church regularly.. But the the affection and Romance?...pfft!... I just miscarried our second child and he is soo **** heartless! He didn't say anything when I told him.. We went to church and I cried the whole time.. Then on our way home he yelled at me for never being happy! He said that e was embarrassed to be with me at church because I always acted uncomfortable! I've gone to church since I was in the womb! He cares so much about how I act in public but he is perfect! No! How I this even fair?! Why are men like this?!
I admit my husband is a very descent man.. Except that he is heartless and non-affectionate 75% of the time.. The other 25% he is but only when we are alone! He won't even look at me in public.. It's like he doesn't want to claim me or something!!!! I have walked out so many times and always come back! Just once do you think you could be Prince Charming and come after me?!
I'm proud that he is working so hard, balancing school, a full time job, his family in mexico, and the responsibilities of being a husband but I need some affection!!
I give him everything! He never has to do household chores inside or out! I even planned a surprise vacation for us in October.. But he is so unappreciative!!!
I love him.. He is my best friend.. My soul mate.. My partner.. My counselor.. And so much more! I jut need some affection concern and attention!

He is having affairs. If he tried once he did it before and doing it again. It is his problem and not yours unless you do not get counseling for his emotional abuse.

Mine too. I do everything and put up with the ****** attitude and disrespect too. I pay all theof bills, payed off his debt. He doesn't ever keep a full time job. He doesnt do his share, acts put upon when asked to do anything. Is ******* rude. Yells, cusses, postures, shaking his fists, hangs up on me. Just ridiculous, dont act like the surprised victim when I get sick of your **** and leave.

Leave him and do what makes you happy. Life is too short and too long to feel miserable and disrespected.

I want to leave I have no family. Where do I go just die?

I have had the same problem for the last 10 years of marriage. At first I thought it was because of my husbands *********** problem. Then as we we worked through that and he got better, the intimacy problem was still there. Then I thought it must be the childhood sex abuse issues that my husband had experienced, but as we worked through that, the problem was still there. I thought that guys were supposed to be the ones that always wanted to have sex and we were the ones who were supposed to fake headaches because we couldn't keep up. Wrong! Not in my marriage. Then after ALL that, my husbands finally comes out and says he's gay! Well then it finally all made sense. We are still married and striving to maintain a happy and wholesome marriage due to our commitment to family and our religious beliefs but jeez is it hard at times. At least when I feel lonely in that way and rejected I at least know why.

Wow this is so sad. If he is gay you deserve better than an obligatory marriage. I hope you find your true husband and partner and happiness and good sex with him.I am sure you will I will keep you in my prayers

Are you sure he didn't just make that up to get you off his case? I'd want a lie detector test.

for real!!
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

leave his sorry ***

Ha mine rapes me.

If this situation of your husband's is anything like mine, then I would suspect that he is suffering from an extreme case of SELF ENTITLEMENT. I make MORE money than my husband during way less hours and labor when I do get work, but since he does cheap hard labor on a regular basis, he feels he is entitled to the King's Manor treatment, even though I am the one who does EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING for our family ALL BY MYSELF INCLUDING HIS STUFF TOO, every day.
I DO NOT LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS. I don't care if he threatens divorce or to leave (like he has when I've defended myself). It's just a weak defense mechanism of his own inferior sense of self and disrespect for me, the one whom he should respect and thank more than anyone else in his entire life.
You would think that just a couple of counseling sessions repeating this fact and training in self realization via heart to heart talks would help. NOPE! My Nana (Mother's Mom) tried to beat this generation persevering fact into my head since I was 21, that NO MAN CAN BE TRUSTED AS FAR AS YOU CAN THROW HIM, and if you can do so, it ain't very far at all :(.
My husband and I are born and raised, devoted Christian people. But unless husbands are the likes of an accredited counselor/therapist/angel from heaven, they can try, but they will NOT CHANGE. WE have to be the ones who change, around THEM, in order to make our marriages work. It's not fair, but if divorce is not an option as is in my case, hey, make ANYTHING work for you and your marriage. Hardship is the signal that YOU must now take control. If he doesn't like it, that's his fault. He could have helped it but didn't. Now pray and do what you have to do to get on with YOUR life, as together as God shall now bless it to be.

My husband is such in fact he's not even my house he has been my boyfriend for over 10 years now yes 10 years living together with a family and no ring. He's claimed the beginning because he can't afford a ring to get married what the holdup is his unreasonable expectations in life. Hes been out of work on and off and I have always been table supporting us and his stupid dreams. But he always makes a point to figure out a way to let me know that I'm not good enough the parents not as a woman or a wife or girlfriend I work full time he doesn't work and sometimes he does but he always complains about me not getting enough to work done in the house. due to the fact I m due to the fact I moved away from my family with him have been stressed and depressed on and off 5 years we were constantly breaking up always him leaving me. Somewhere in there he loves me but I just don't think it's going to be enough it makes me feel worthless and then makes me feel like I'm the jerk for feeling like this like I'm weak for crying but he does things it says the things to make me cry or he completely ignores me for days sometimes weeks. The matter what I do I can't get him to talk to me until he's ready and finish the matter which is usually after he's silenced me out and then begins to speak to me by yelling whatever it is that I did to p*** him off I wish I was dead most of the ime because then I won't be doing anything upset I hate feeling this way I hate that I allow him to make me feel this way. No matter how to kiss his *** it's never enough.

I was with one of those for 9 precious years of my life. I started listening to Dr. Laura (at first out of morbid curiosity) but all of a sudden it started making sense! The I started to get angry. Then I took him to a councilor and had a list ready of all the things he had been doing that I would no longer tolerate. He did me a favor and moved out that day. 10 years later and I can say I've never missed that SOB. I'm so much better off without him.


Yep married3years no ring. Its lame not even occasional flowers. In so sad

I confide in my spouce about my worries and then he uses it against me. He suffers from anxiety. I was told that I cannot confide my concerns to someone who is anxious since it is difficult for them to handle. Any thoughts.

Confide in a family member or trusted friend, instead.

I need someone to talk to who is sinceren not all let's pray.

I feel for you. I am in the same boat Only mine ignores me. Then wants to have sex like everything is fine. I think I being punished for my sins.

God does not punish us like that. fear and condemnation does not come from God. My husband is like yours. total Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Hyde. Don't give in to sex until he's willing to do the work. "So, you've been ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder and now you want me to pretend everything is okay and have sex with you? I'd rather put that off until you are able to be more loving towards me. Otherwise, my heart just wouldn't be in

What is it with there guys, I am 54 and all I want Is a woman who wants to have sex. My wife sounds like your husband. Maybe they should marry LOL

I'm with you all husband is a COMPLETE JERK! He is from Russia, but I know it's not just cultural bc my exes have been jerks as well. I'm starting to think it's very rare to find a man who NOT a jerk or that life is actually an illusion, and the women I see who are with good men are just not real. But now I have found this page, and now I know I am not alone in this. My husband lies to everyone, so of course he lies to me too. I can't trust him. He never wants sex anymore and when he used to want sex, he was drunk and forceful. I'm sick of his manipulating ways. Threatens to call my children on the phone, my sister, my mother and already has called sister and mom. They are over him. I am over him. I just don't know how to get away. I'm on disability and can't afford ****. He makes sure to get my money for bills asap and I end up catering to his every need. I actually hate my husband. Lord help me.

Is there someone, like a social worker who can help you with this. That money is not for him, and it's illegal for him to just take it all from you. Hopefully the social worker can help you extricate yourself from this intolerable situation.

Him really? How who where? Mine always makes me pay all the bills for years I have ssi. I hate him grew up in foster care no one loves me never did only use me.

My husband and I have been married for about a year and have been a couple for four years. He is generally very sweet. He can be thoughtful and is supportive. But like everyone, male or female, he can be a jerk.

We recently bought our first home, and I am seeing more of the jerk and less of my sweet best friend. He is being especially lazy and inconsiderate. He is not doing his share of the work around here. He keeps bringing friends over here. And they keep staying over for 7+ hours, and late at night when I need to substitute teach in the mornings. Nevertheless, I cater to his friends as not to be a rude host and he does not even help clean up after his guests. He tells me he will do some dishes "tomorrow" but the pile keeps growing. I said I feel like his mom cleaning up after him...his response "then quit acting like my mom!" But I have to do the cleaning if he won't, it's embarrassing!

He is not verbally, or otherwise abusive. He shuts down and has nothing to say. It's like I am talking to a wall. The situation turns in to him acting like he's some kind of victim and I'm the mean one. All I am asking for is help and he treats me like I'm a bully.

I work two jobs and more hours than him, so some house chores can't be asking that much.

Today he finally did some laundry. He called me and said "I have bad news, the dryer stopped working." I arrived home around 10pm to find two large piles of laundry in the laundry room. He tried to put all of this in the dryer! He then tried to deny his actions broke the drum inside the machine. Well what about half my wardrobe growing mildew in the basement? Why couldn't you at least hang everything up to dry, jerk?

Today is my 25th birthday. He got home past midnight and did not wish me a happy b-day. He didn't even look me in the eye. We inevitably fought about all of the above. He had the audacity to tell me he did some dishes earlier in the day. I did some dishes before he got home and know without a doubt he had done none. I asked why he lied, and he said he didn't want to hear me ***** about it.

It's now past 5am on my bday and he is sleeping... Through a huge storm that is causing water to trickle in to the basement faster than the sub pump can deal with it. It's my special day and I'm the only one up, literally bailing us out of water.

I thought getting our own home would give us lots of quality time together. He seems to want less time with me :(
Now I just feel lonely even when he's around

Sweet heart, I understand. U get married, thinking this man is your Knight, bf, loves me above anything else. Then, we are shocked when real life happens.

I do not mean to say that you are not realistic. I am saying that your husband sounds like he may have a psychological issue, or simply be very immature, ie selfish. This forgetting big events, not thinking though things, like putting in too much laundry, acting only in the moment, like having friends stay too long, is impulsivity and not considering consequences; these behaviors all beg for a Dr's evaluation. How old is he? I don't think u said. I have been in the medical field a long time and have an ADHD spouse. Some of the things he does sound verbatim like your husband's.
The only thing is, as a giving person and loving wife, perhaps you are enabling this behavior by trying hard. He needs to face this or it may tear you two apart.

I have ADHD my husbanverbally abuses me yells n calls me stupid.

He sounds incredibly immature. Is he your age or younger? It's time for him to man up and stop acting like a silly frat boy.

I'm so tired of my husband calling me stupid

It's his insecurity

Me too!

My turn to vent. My husband has always been a perfectionist and pessimistic, but lately, he's been angrier than usual. We have a small farm with horses. He does the bulk of the work. I work full time and help as much as I can when I'm home. For years, he had too high of a price to sell our horses, and now he's telling me he doesn't care and he wants me to sell them for whatever. He gets angry with the horses (just yells at them ,doesn't hurt them physically), he gets angry with me (same thing) if I don't meet his unknown or unreasonable expectations. I know I'm not the best wife, but he knew what I was like before we married 17 yrs ago. I'm 61 yrs old now and he's 53.
Last week, he went out without speaking to me when we were finished caring for the horses in the evening. He came back 3 hrs later, and wouldn't tell me where he was. This happened a few more times. He finally told me he was following someone for a friend, but wouldn't say who or why. I accepted that story for a few days and things were relatively calm. Then on Fri night, he left earlier than usual saying he had to go to where this person was working and wait for them to leave in order to follow them again. He was using my car. About 7 PM, I called to ask where he was. I found out that I needed to take care of the horses myself that night. About 10 PM, I called to ask where he was. He said he was on his way home from a location about 40 min. away. At 11 PM, I called again and got no answer. I called twice more about 11:30 PM and still got no answer. I was upset because I didn't know what happened to him, and I needed to get some sleep because I had to wake up early for work. I also needed my car back. He finally walked through the door a few minutes later. I asked why he didn't answer my calls, and he yelled at me for bothering him. I've always been able to trust him up until now, but I just can't explain his recent behavior.
Now, the latest problem started when I woke up with an extreme nose bleed yesterday. I couldn't stop it and I was getting panicky. He thought I was over reacting, but took me to an emergency room when I asked. The whole time I was there, he had a sour look on his face, and when I would say something to him about it, he was like "yeah, right". I'm still having a problem with more bleeding, and his attitude is still crappy like I'm just over reacting and I'm a bother to him. I just wrote all this with one hand on the keyboard and the other keeping pressure on my nose to slow the bleeding.
I wrote all this because I need to vent. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he is thinking divorce, or what. He is just going through the motions of what needs to be done and won't speak to me without yelling. I don't want a divorce because we have too much to lose with our farm & horses. I can't do this alone.

Hi GypsyRose, I really can't understand why he is like that the same thing my wife does. But I have given up it has been i am ashamed to say a very long time for me. But I have made my desission and I will be free soon and on the prowel haha. If you want to talk I am here but everyone with this problem deservies better.I am not waiting any longer for her to come around.

U poor thing. What an @&&. I say ignore him and do what makes u happy for a couple days and suggest therapy. But if he's like mine he will say No. I don't know. Men are so selfish. Wish all we miserable wives could meet and have a big cry together.

Yes dear, they say things and they don't know what the meaning of what they are saying is! It is infuriating! I can already say I love this place! Getting together for a nice cry or man bashing would be great! I'm so tired of hearing of everything that's wrong with me, and everything I need to do for my health to improve! Oh, and there's the tried and true, "you don't want to get better"!! I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot or on someone else he's close to if it would fit as well??? Also when I brought up counseling for us to work out problems,,, guess what?? He'll go, but only if it helps me fix all MY problems!!!! So, gypsy Rose, there's a lot of us in this tiny boat! I love miserabletootoo's idea, get together and have a big cry together, maybe that would help us all see how silly it is.....heartache DOES GO AWAY!!!

I guess a lot of women go threw crap just like me. It's sad because I got people who hate me because they think we have the perfect life. What a crock.


My husband behaved like a jerk today because he was out of coffee and he usually drinks four cups every morning while watching TV till noon and then maybe he might go to work. He is 58 years old. Sick of him acting like a teenager.

There is no excuse for being a jerk ever. Forgetting something is involuntary, being aggressive and disrespectful is a deliberate act. I am tired of reading stuff and listening to most incompetent counselors about how we women should understand why an idiot is being abusive: quite frankly who cares WHY a guy thinks he can make your life a living hell? Insulting, belittling, screaming, threatening let alone shoving or hitting (even "just" a slap) ARE abuse. Period. So what ONLY matters is to get them to stop. Either by leaving them or by having the police at your door, file a complaint and have the district attorney explain to him that NO it is not OK to abuse someone. I quite don't get why we should look into the "why" and listen to the excuses of so many jerks. If they were treated that way, I doubt they would accept that, right?I have met my husband in Europe 7 years ago, I was having a social life, a brilliant career in the research department of a big pharma managing a team of 35 persons, riding in a company car, and having a house on the beach.... He was not easy easy but never abused me while we were there.A little over 2 years ago, after being together for 5 years my (military) husband got assigned back to USA and I followed....What was I thinking really? I should have known better! As soon as we hit the ground in USA, knowing that I was far from friends and family, this ultimate jerk started abusing me emotionally and physically. Shoving me, screaming, insulting, threatening to have the immigration kick me out of the country etc.... I have one day dialed 911 while he was threatening me, I said nothing but what he was screaming was so violent that the operator sent the cops right away to our door. He understood that I would not hesitate to do it again. So he is still the most complete jerk but at least is he less violent. Still, he has found another way to wreck my life by being a hindrance in just e-v-e-r-y thing. He is totally unable to handle ANY task (managing accounts, paying bills, communicating with the administration, finding a home, moving) I handle everything for the entire family while struggling to get a miserable job in Northern California paid 1/5 of what I was making, struggling to keep my house for my son.... The jerk is sitting behind a desk 8 hours/day but if I need to contact him for ANY of the above, he does not pick the call, does not reply to the emails, pretend he does not have a signal for his cell in the building, so does not take cell calls or texts, after HOURS running after him if I grab a hold of one of his colleague, they also have to run after him forever since he would do whatever to make me late, waste time etc.... He knows that if I don't do it we will have problems so he knows that slowing me down in these instances really gets to me.I am in the process of to find a job on the other side of the country and leave him by surprise. He will find the house empty of all my belongings one day and will never hear from me again (well only in family court). Jerks just need this kind of treatment: being tossed badly with no consideration. An eye for an eye....

admire ur writing

Good plan, YOU go, GIRL!!!!!

I've been married for 14 years and have six husband was a major jerk for the first 8 years and then he got better. But now it seems as though he's reverting back to the old ways. I feel for you all and make good choices..we should be treated with love and respect.

I just wanna say something here, I understand all of us wifes wish that our husbands were perfect and trust me mine is far from it. However, maybe those of you that are getting blamed for their actions, most of your husbands have something deeper inside that they do not feel comfortable sharing with you. It's not your fault. You still have to be aware that he may be an *******, but men deal with hidden anger and frustration by lashing out, so maybe you should explain to him that you can tell that he is different but instead of making him feel as though he needs to defend himself, offer the utmost support and understanding. even if what he has to say may hurt you it is better to hear the truth than live with lies. Me and my husband have not been married long, but i made a peersonal vow to myself when i got married that i wouldnt treat my husband as a dog and like I am his master, but as a human who thinks feels and dreams just like us frustrated women. We all know when something bothers us, everybody needs to know. Men are just not that way. work on your adaptivity. :]

and if he's looking at **** he's bored. it hurts but it's the truth. YOU be his **** do something you know he likes ask him what his fantasy is and make those nasty ***** look like chewed up gum :] works for me every time.

Making excuses is exactly what you are doing for the bastards of the world.

Honey, you are in your 20' have NO concept about what most of us here are talking about. When you have been married and put up with the crap most of us here have put up with, then get back to us. You are still wet behind the haven't even been out of school very long, dearie. What makes you think that we haven't tried to seduce our husbands???? Hell, girl...I used to be a $1000.00 a night exotic dancer (NO-NEVER WAS I A PROSTITUTE !) I know all the moves and things...I quit my job 10 years ago for him. He is STILL a J-E-R-K !
Please go give advice on a teen column or something and let grown people talk.

Omg! My husband is a JERK. You are so not alone. He would say and do the meanest things to me and my kids. He blames everyone else for all his issues. He doesn't even talk to me right. When I tell him I'm feeling depressed and sad he'll just get mad at me. Sex isn't even the same anymore, I know cause I caught him looking at disgusting **** and looking up other actresses sex scenes. He cheated on me before and who got the blame, me! He make fun of me like he thinks its funny. He hides things from me. He says I'm unappreciative when I do like everything for him. I help him with house work, money and whenever he's feeling down but instead I'm being told that I ain't good enough. Last night he left me and my family without texting or calling just so he can go out with his friends to Halloween events, things I've been asking him for us to do together. Instead I find out he did them with his friends instead. I am soooo mad at him. Ughhh!!!