It's Not Really His Fault, But I Still Feel Duped.

I'm dating a man who was divorced over two years ago. When we first met, it was love at first sight. It was like God pointed a big sign at him and said "hey! look here! this is the one". We were soul mates. The relationship moved quickly, partially, because he's my next door neighbor and we had been friends for a while before deciding to date.  He spent Easter with my family and that was only the first week we were together. We were intimate after the first date. He told me he wanted to marry me. We talked about wedding plans and he told me how he wanted to get back into shape so he could look good in a tux for our wedding. He told me that he couldn't wait until we were married so we could have children. Then about three months in, all of the issues with his ex come back up. No more talk about marriage, and he doesn't ever want children.  He tells me that I'm best friend and that he loves me. He wants the relationship to progress "naturally". But the problem is, I already got my hopes up. I started looking at wedding magazines. I told my mom to get ready for a wedding. Now, I have to shoulder my disappointment as well as the disappointment from my parents. He says it's because he is scared that he will hurt me or that he's "no good for me".  I'm a smart girl, why did I believe what he said? Why do I still love him? Should I have hope that in time, he'll see how good we are together? Or is that me just being so blasted guillible again?
SammieHammie SammieHammie
22-25, F
4 Responses Oct 3, 2006

Most men are afraid of marriage. He is divorced, so I think that he may be afraid of it that it won't work this time either. Maybe he just needs time. I think that time can always tell that he is for you or not.

You might not like what I am going to say BUT i say it with kindness. Maya Angelou has many powerful thoughts and one that she is constantly remindinf people of is *When someone tells you who they are .... LISTEN* So i guess what i am saying, is when he STATES that he is not *good for you* LISTEN, don't beat yourself up, but he is telling you who he is ..... please BELIEVE him!!

It's maddening, isn't it? Going through something very similar and I have a hard time understanding how someone's feelings can flip-flop without provocation. NightIn's comment makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing, both of you. I needed to see this today.

From the sounds of your story, seem's like things moved very fast. Things are always more intense in the begining.<br />
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Could it be that you were some sort of a rebound relationship for him?<br />
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If not, and it's really love, maybe just give him some time. He is probably reliving all of the pain that came from the first marriage.<br />
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Try to go on with your life. When he is ready, he will let you know. Maybe after moving on with your life, you will learn that he is not the one for you, or maybe it will just re-enforce that he is.