Brave....... Or Ignorant

My sister told me just now that I was brave....... she doesnt know half the story.... I was before but now I am petrified

I don't know where I want to go with this, maybe I will just list where I am at the moment

Single Mom for 14 years
2009 diagnosed with cancer - chemo, op, radiation
2010 lost my job after 18 years service
cashed in policies
started my own company (failing miserably)
2011 diagnosed metastatic cancer - ongoing chemo.

No one knows that I have just run out of cash. My one daughter who is helping me with the business, lives with me in a garden cottage on my sister's premises, the other lives with my niece. I am applying for the last of my life policies to payout (terminal illness). I need to decide to either put it all towards buying a home and spending the rest of my time with both daughters (I won't afford the medical insurance if I do that. I cant imagine puttng my daughters through having to look after me without doctors' assistance. As it is now the medical bills are astronomical.) Or do I pay medical insurance and continue burdening my sister and niece and thus not live with my daughters.

In 2009 I had it all. But then I fell ill... and have since made so many bad decisions. I thought having a business would guarantee an income for my daughters. I didn't expect the cancer to turn out to be stage 4 in a matter of 18 months.

I cannot work whilst I am taking chemotherapy. I have to have it for six month cycles - if I give up taking it I will succumb to the disease. This is where my sister thinks I am brave..... but I can't do it anymore. I spend at least one to two weeks in hospital every month because of the effects of chemo. I can't work. My eldest lives with seeing me ill every day, she won't leave my side and is taking so much strain.

I used to be so independant. I thought I was leaving my girls a fair inheritance but I am now going to leave them with nothing because of my bad choices.

And now I am faced with "my last chance to try and right it all"... and I dont know what to do...... I don't want to give up...
brave7 brave7
51-55, F
Jan 16, 2013