Am I Already Too Deep?

What if all of this is a sick joke to him? It won't be the first time it's happened. If it is, I shouldn't be surprised. And yet, I find myself falling deeper and deeper. I caution myself of the insane abyss just a step away from where I'm standing, and at times I ignore it, but at others, I'm too cautious of it. Does he really mean what I hope he does? Does he really...love me? I was so astonished when I found out. Sometimes I think I'm too doubtful. Sometimes I think I'm too trusting. I'm so...conflictory...if that's even a word. I just hope I'm not digging myself a hole that's too deep for me to get out of.