Settle Or Leave

Same old song here   I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years    He is a widow and I am divorced many years   I am 51   he is 59   I am considered to be an attractive woman    When we met we connected instantly     Same background   I was so happy    He said he has been looking for me his whole life    So we have been together  and happy 4 years      We had a fight     second one in 4 years    and I have not heard from him since    He is an extremely stubborn man      After the fight I emailed him and I told him that in 4 years we have never discussed the future    I now know why    He avoided it    He was happy with things the way they were   Permanently    I want marriage    I want to grow old together    We did not live together but I would stay on friday  nights or saturday nights   and run home in the morning    Well now that the subject is out there his answer was     Have I ever shown any interest in getting married again    and he has not   because its never been brought up     He also  said    not all great relationships end in marriage    We are at a crossroads so to speak  but he has not talked to me in over a week     I am in a state of shock    I wont call him because I refuse to be in a dead end relationship    I miss him so much     I guess I am just looking for someone to talk to and give me a little advice    Thanks for listening    Our 4 year anniversary is Sunday     So sad  
splainlucie splainlucie
51-55, F
2 Responses Aug 10, 2010

thank you for sharing your story with me. I dont believe its commitment that is scaring him. I think it may be because he has a 1 son who is about to get married himself and if he married me it would complicate " financial " matters. The house , and so on. As much as I can understand this, I cannot accept it. I am tired of living like I am high school, running from his house to mine.

Hi,<br />
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I can understand how difficult things must be for you at moment.Maybe your man did not want to get married as he may be afraid of commitment.I My husband of twenty years died and I when I met another partner I did not want to get married as even though I loved him I felt if something happened to him I did not want to experience the pain of losing a partner again.People say a piece of paper does not make a difference,I disagree.Marriage can create a phychological emotional dependencey.After four years of being together your man owes you at least an explanation.When I refused to marry my partner at least I was honest with him and was able to talk to him about my fears and explain my reasons for not wanting to commit to marriage.If your partner is ignoring you it may be that he is afraid you want more than he is prepared to give.Tell your man you want to know where you stand and where you go from here.In all of this though you have to ask yourself what you need and want from a relationship.My one piece of advice never settle for second best.<br />
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Good Luck and god bless,hope it works out for you