Life!

   URGHH!
Theres so much to know about life in so little time, i feel that i am so closed in . the things that are happening to the world , its almost like you don't want to see the next 20 years , i would be afaid to bring a child into the world to know , what may happen !
  It's almost like you don't want to go , on you think about sucide . you think about many soultions .
      I myself , is confussed , lost in this world of hate, i wish i could just swing my magic wond & everything be alright , everything come back into porportion , but thats not how life is . I WISH! Theres many things i regret in life . mistakes i made , & i am trying to learn from . it is hard but i am making it on my own .  I think about the wearidest things ever , & i feel they will come true . i think sometime there will be no tomorrow , & afaid to sleep , i think that i am gonna get shot in the back & i gets pains in my back becasue i think about this . i think my dad is gonna get in a big plane crash . my mom  is gonna die ,& my brother will die for drug use , & sometimes i feel , i will be left ALONE! I sometimes think i am the only living person on earth & everyone outs are robots . i know what a messed up person , the things she is thinking of . but its what i think is true . & i wish i could stop thinking this .
   I have a probelm , i think a am HUGE & i need to lose ALOT of weight , but my friends tell me i am REALLY small , so i wish i could just snap my figuares & i would stop thinking that .
   I know , i don;t have a bad life compared to other , that i read their storys & i always feel bad becuase i complain about my life , then read about others & notice mines nother compared to theirs .
     Yes! i amy of tryed to comment sucide before , but thats because i am so confussed about life & my friends . but i got to understand if i leave the world , my family would have it hard & i would never want to make their life harder then what it is !
    My brother does drugs & its not easy to watch him come home stoned everynight . & he says i am gonna turn out like him , but i got to have anought faith to know , i will never turn out like he is now . & im always praying he will stop not just for me , for him & my family . my mom is so stress over him & it is hard , but i guess it life ... just somewhat i am afaid something bad is gonna happen to him , & he is the clostest thing i got to my family & if he leaves me . i will leave myself  , i wouldn't be able to make it.  I know what you may be thinking , like her brother does drugs & i am clostest to him , but i am clostest to him becasue he seems to understand me , & i love talking to him . he may come home stoned but it don't mean i have to stop loving him , & hating him . he is my brother & i will be by his side ! My life is so confussing because i moved so many times & my parents said this is the last but i feel that , its not . i use to live in ontario , for ALL my life & moved around down there but i didn;t mind it , but then we moved to Newfoundland , &  its a small town where i moved too , so it was a HUGE change , after a few years i got use to it . & meant my BESTEST BESTEST friend , & she means the world to me i would NEVER leave her!<333  
    will i say you are getting board of me now , but i hoped you enjoyed what i wrote ,sorry for the spelling mistakes!:]  

byeee,
xoxoxo
luckycharm19 luckycharm19
18-21, F
Jun 13, 2007