Tired Of It All

I have always been a very generous and giving person, I have the reputation of being strong and thus I attract alot of needy people. I always try to help the best I can, whether it be money or favors. I made a pretty good living at the time, so just felt good about being able to help. This all changed about a year ago, I met a woman and we hit it off immediately, we spent alot of time together and I guess I fell in love. I`ve been divorced for quite awhile and was spending alot of time alone. I live in a small town so of course privacy is hard to maintain. In the past year it feels as if I have put ever fiber of my being into trying to make this work with her and I believed she was too, but I might of been deceived. Thru a bad decision on my part I lost my job, but still tried to maintain the relationship. Things got worse and I believe she has been having people keep tabs on me, I am not a cheater, I am very devoted to her, but thru talk of town, I have become a outcast. I can`t walk down the street without feeling like all eyes are on me. I can`t find a job, my once friends now treat me like a stranger. I can`t afford to move and I can`t seem to get back on track. This woman is now pushing me away and is using other people to get to me and its working very well. I now do not want to leave the house, when I do the looks I get from people is making me feel ashamed. I do not know what I did exactly to deserve this from my once friends. I can`t afford to move, I can`t find a job, I don`t have any friends anymore and I`m really tired of feeling this way. I just want it to go away. I want to go away. I think about suicide several times a day. No one seems to care. I just want it to end. I don`t care anymore how it ends, I just want it to stop.
looneyben looneyben
51-55, M
2 Responses May 5, 2012

Stop worrying and focus on taking care of yourself. Your health and well being r most important right now. Your girlfriend and "friends" seem to b toxic relationships for you. Forget them. Update your resume and start an all out campaign for a new job, relocate, volunteer, find a hobby, get a dog, read self help books. These avenues will open up new worlds along with the possibilities of new friendships and relationships but never give up on yourself! You r worth it!

the thing about love is really complicated. I love birds, just like most poeple love dogs or cats and not only once have i thought about keeping a bird in my room, but i have never done it, do you know why ? because i don't want to prison a bird in a little cage, it deserves the immense sky, where its wings belong. So, persoanlly, if we love someone, we should set her free. As for your once friends treating you like a stranger, it may have something to do with your extreme behaviour and words. attend some parties and drink some beers, life is still good.