I Am So Frustrated And So Messed Up

this whole thing drives me crazy, it wont stop its been months ive had trouble sleeping ive had dreams about ive been walking around days thinking about it because it just simply wont go away. And i dont know who i am..i have ocd..really really bad ocd..angry

sometimes i feel so underpressure i just cry when i hear a beautiuful song. nightmare i wake up too everyday..

i keep feeling my world is ending sometimes it seems so real..that there is no future..that im some sick twisited person for having these thoughts i feel guilty i question who i am, indecision

i get paranoid..i keep thinking people are accusing me and i cant get these terrible thoughts out..i feel so messed up no ones going to love me now are they? just look at me..

i miss the old me but then again old me was still a loser i still am..frown

im frustrated with being a loser im so fed up never having anybody whenever i go to clubs its the same thing over and over again im so sick of it really.
im fed up of being alone i feel like ive gone so far too far held onto the past to my disadvantage..just want to bash through the contents of my living room up ive kept this under my skin for so long so fed up..just want to drink till i drop go have sex with a random girl because im so fed up of never getting close to any girl its so frustrating..makes me angry and sad.. what a weirdo they say..i know im desperate.

ive been waiting for so long and it just feels like ive gone off or like i go numb because i dont get what i want..

agrhhh i feel so deprived so frustrated ive never been close to a girl and it feels like these a five feet barrier between me and girls..dates are non existent i just get so fed up after years....angry

and ive got my head back to front this whole things just been messing with my life my mind my head ocd that is..i havent had a normal day when there wasnt some intrusive thought preying on my mind or some torture i can liturly just sit there in a daze because im so occupied..whats wrong with me..i feel im one of those guys that just gone crazy i dont know.

i thought life would be clear easy i thought by now i would have a life but things get too much feeling build up and i just feel like going wild. feel like im becoming this person im not losing part of me i cherish and its a conflict because i fear so much that fears yet if i try to avoid it, it builds up worsens.if i look. i feel like this whole thing is turning me upsidedown..i just want to be free..i feel like ive lost myself in this, im so fed up of lisening to its demands..controlled by it, torn by it,

goldfishy goldfishy
18-21, M
Aug 3, 2010