Can I Ask What The Hell?

i find men find it difficult to communicate when they are doing something they shouldnt be doing, so they figure silence is the best policy

Some men find it difficult to communicate. They are afraid of sticking their foot, or both feet, in their mouths. However, the one you are trying to communicate with could have said something, even if it was "hey. how are you"? or "how was your day"?. There is NO excuse for no communication what so ever, in my opinion. I have a hubby that is terrific at communicating now, though he had a little trouble in the beginning. That being said, he still ask me how my day was, how was I feeling/doing, was there anything I wanted/needed to talk about, etc.. So, there should have been some kind of communication, even if it was the least little thing said/asked.......Solely my opinion, and point of view. I personally would be weary or suspicious of someone telling me that they still loved me if I hadn't heard anything from them in a long while.....But, that is just me....I hope you are able to figure things out, good luck. Situations like this can cause one to lose sleep, and severe headaches......

Well, thanks for all your insight but I gotta tell ya, I am one of the many females who does NOT look to have a man interpret my thoughts OR needs. I am as analytical as it gets. And I am starting to think that I look to men who are like women and simply become passive aggressive....which well, forget it at that point.

There are many reasons for this conundrum including gender traits, learned behavior, lack of teaching/education about interpersonal communication, and many others.



Many men tend to communicate in the same style as their fathers. If their father was a poor communicator or the father was absent, the boy does not learn how to communicate well.



Another issue is that, speaking in generalities, men tend to be more action-minded and women more emotion-minded. The stereotypical conversation has the woman discussing her "problems" hoping for commiseration from the man with the man responding "Ok. What do you want me to do about it?" In many cases the woman's feeling is "I want you to listen and understand, not to conquer the world for me."



Many times couples counseling can and will help because counselors focus on teaching a couple how to communicate with one another by giving each the tools to better understand the other.



Another issue is that many women expect the man to intuit her wants and needs but fail to give sufficient clues to the man to do so. The woman then becomes upset because the man did not understand her. On the male side of the equation, many men tend to be more literal and less intuitive in the first place. Instead of making leaps of intuition in a conversation, the man's brain waits for the details or facts before offering an interpretation of the woman's side of the conversation. These differences are largely driven by genetic differences in actual differences in the physical brain.



Of course I am talking in generalities and stereotypes here because most men have some feminine traits and women have masculine traits, including the manner in which they think and communicate.



My own wife is a great example. Her mind often makes major intuitive leaps when she thinks, reads, and speaks. Unfortunately, her intuition is often faulty. She reads signs and sees words not there because her mind made a leap based on one or two letters or the shape of a word. She does the same in a conversation, often speaking in broken sentence fragments that for are impossible to follow or understand -- and I am actually a very intuitive person, for a guy.

Seems the wife and I went through this communications issue, part of the issue was, she did not stop to take a breath when she communicated, she continued to talk while I was trying to answer the first question, and when I finally decided to heck with it I wasn't going to get a word in edgewise, she would say, "Well, why don't you say something?" We do better now, I get a ten count before the match goes to the house. The daughter is easy, I just hang up on her, she will call back and say why did you do that, I said I thought I had one of those telemarketer recordings.

Guys just think slower, and a lot of times the words do not match the emotion behind them, takes us time to figure out what the real conversation is and how to explain my position without setting the house on fire. Seems to work, a year away from working on our 22nd year.

Maybe you are trying to communicate with the wrong men.There are plenty of men that communicate well.Some like myself can't stop talking but also listens well.

Hope you find more to your liking in 2012!

Thanks for taking the time to answer this. Sigh...



Maybe we can try telepathy together? I always try to look on the bright side.

Men can be hopeless communicators, and my fear for you in this situation is, if he hasn't become a good communicator by now, he probably won't. Communication is often an inborn ability, but it can be a learnt skill. If he could really see the problem he creates through not effectively talking with you, then perhaps he'd be willing to work at it and seek help or support??? Perhaps? It is so important. I really hope things do change for the better for you. ;-)