Why Do I Bother?

I should be so lucky as to HAVE a gun... I don't and wouldn't know how to use it if I did.

What would be comforting is to win the lottery and really get out of this marriage.  Fact is, I think I'll be ok financially on my own with the girls, but you never know. 

I will go for child support now.  I wasn't going to the last time I threw his sorry *** out of here - but now, oh yah, I'm going to take what I can get!

Funny, the last time I threw him out, he actually left.  Now he won't.  Says this house is his, yet, his check goes into his own bank account and I have no access to it.  He pays only the daycare and groceries (which he doesn't buy much). 

I pay the mortgage, the car payment, and all the monthly bills for the house.  Electric bill, gas bill, phone, internet, cell, satellite bill, etc..... plus buy the kids all their treats and fun stuff when I can.  He does have access to the account where MY check goes and doesn't hesitate to use it when he feels like it.

He took $1300 from MY account to pay for HIS car repairs.  Then he didn't have the nerve to even tell me about it!  I confronted him about it and he said, 'how else was I supposed to pay for it?' 

I honestly don't know why I married him - there was no affection before we married.  I don't know why I ever thought he would change AFTER we got married!  I feel like such a stupid stupid fool.... and now, 9 years later, we are in the same place - but sinking fast.

I am so at a loss right now.  I don't want anything to do with him and my children see that and it upsets them.  I try to explain to them that he is not treating mommy right and that mommy is worth being treated much better.  I then pray that neither of my girls end up with men like their dad.  I want them to be treated better than I have been treated.

I'm not sure how long this will take to find a lawyer that I can trust, and that I can afford.  If he would just leave and abide by the terms I set out, it would be so much easier.  However, I don't think that's about to happen.....

Cheleanne Cheleanne
66-70, F
12 Responses Jul 19, 2009

@WhoTheHellAreYou<br />
LMFAO Here is the funny thing, "gorgeous" (excuse me while I throw up, I just ate some rotten food.)<br />
you all the way out of your precious day to make such a wise comment, for what? Oh that's right for Her!!!! See you know a Beautiful Woman and you came running, like the little b*tch YOU ARE!!! Why don't you stick to what you know best (NOTHING) and keep your mouth shut like a good b*tch or does your cage need to be adjusted? Stick to marveling at your reflection and look at the "pretty boy" in the mirror!! Leave the HUMANS alone and return to your hole!!!! Don't worry, we'll let you know when you are needed!!! Jacka**!!!!

The reason you married him: He's good-looking.<br />
<br />
There. Mystery solved.<br />
<br />
Oh but don't worry, <br />
you're not shallow at all.<br />
<br />
But I'll be expecting a list<br />
detailing just<br />
how deep you are.

Thanks Nan... I am doing some serious soul searching and will report progress as I achieve even the littlest steps towards my goal...!

Well you know you can go to court and request he pay for the lawyer and court fees while in front of the judge. If he does not show up then he ls liable for the expenses as he has not contested as of yet. Tell them you want him to see a psychologist to determine his mental state, so that way you can prove he is an butt so you can get sole custody in court. <br />
<br />
go to a shelter for battered women at least that would prove he is harmful to females of all ages, as you were forced to leave. Then ask for him to sell the house and you want alimony too!!! I will say prayers for you and the kids. <br />
Hugs<br />

Go to a shelter for battered women?? I missed the part where he beat her...fuxking ***** are always looking for the easy way out. Y'all should be ashamed.

I said c.unts

Well everyone, lost my job earlier this week, so looks like the thought of moving out is only a pipe dream.....


I am reading this book right now:<br />
<br />
http://www.chestnuthillinstitute.com/books/toogood/<br />
<br />
See if you can go watch this video clip about it:<br />
<br />
http://www.bigspeak.com/video/mira-kirshenbaum.html<br />
<br />
Also, here is the book on amazon.com: (I think it is helping me!)<br />
<br />
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248063235&sr=1-1<br />
<br />
I am trying to make myself review it in my blog entries - I am behind tonight - I have read 3 more chapters...<br />
<br />
I am happy to listen or talk - whatever helps!!

You go girl! go to the bank and change the account, change the locks and file for that divorce. If I can raise a daughter on my own without child support then anyone cam. I had 3 jobs to take care of my daughter but I did want I had to in order to take care of her...I have worked as an arch welder my first job while taking care of my daughter then eventually I went into an office and worked...She is grown and expecting her second child any day, she turned out okay and we made it, may not have had much food but tons of love and support from each other...You can do what ever it takes to make it!! If you tell your self I am too scared to make it on my own, well then you will always find excuses to stay miserable..But I have seen so many woman stay in a relationship as they don't want to or feel they can not make it on their own!!! Well all the low self esteem lead to the man having total control and power over you and the girlS. Is that what you want him to control you , answer NO! So kick some butt and change that account, locks and let him ***** to high heaven!!! Take care of those girls so they grow up to pick better quality of men! Email me if you want to..I also do psychic reading via email with a pic enclosed...So when you find the next guy email and I warn you if they are okay or not!!! Only one thing you have to listen as I am on the mark in these readings I do...<br />
Hugs<br />

Well first of all close out your account and change it by taking his name off of the account...transfer it all into a savings account and only you and your daughters have access to it...you are entitled to half of his checking and he is entitled to half of your checking!!! So take all your money out and put it into another bank and give a Post office box address so he will not get any mail from that bank...<br />
<br />
If you are so miserable get out, sorry but life is too short and why subject your kids to an unhappy marriage and the longer you stay it sends a message to your children that this kind of relationship is normal!!!<br />
<br />
you want to raise the children with love not hate so the children will know there is love in the world. <br />
<br />
Like I said if it were me you take all your money out of the bank and transfer it to another bank...do it now before you file that way you can say you have nothing in that bank account how is he going to know...we women have to take care of ourselves as men like him will take everything away from us and toss us to the side.

I agree, drop his name form your account. If that means getting anew one and not doing the automatic deposit/withdraw for few weeks, it will be worth it. Make sure you and your kids are taken care of. Begin to get things ready to leave under your terms. Let the lawyers figure out how the property is taken care of. You take care of the important stuff in life. You have friends here if you need.

It sounds like it time to change your acct so he cant get to it and change the locks on the doors....<br />
<br />
Huggggggggggg good luck...

Yes... it also upsets my girls and that makes it harder too...<br />
<br />
I feel for you as well... it's a horrible place to be. I hope you can get through this. If you ever need to talk, just email me.... maybe we can help each other..

I feel your pain I'm in the same situation and it seems like the meaner he gets the harder it is to leave?