Why Do I Bother?
I should be so lucky as to HAVE a gun... I don't and wouldn't know how to use it if I did.
What would be comforting is to win the lottery and really get out of this marriage. Fact is, I think I'll be ok financially on my own with the girls, but you never know.
I will go for child support now. I wasn't going to the last time I threw his sorry *** out of here - but now, oh yah, I'm going to take what I can get!
Funny, the last time I threw him out, he actually left. Now he won't. Says this house is his, yet, his check goes into his own bank account and I have no access to it. He pays only the daycare and groceries (which he doesn't buy much).
I pay the mortgage, the car payment, and all the monthly bills for the house. Electric bill, gas bill, phone, internet, cell, satellite bill, etc..... plus buy the kids all their treats and fun stuff when I can. He does have access to the account where MY check goes and doesn't hesitate to use it when he feels like it.
He took $1300 from MY account to pay for HIS car repairs. Then he didn't have the nerve to even tell me about it! I confronted him about it and he said, 'how else was I supposed to pay for it?'
I honestly don't know why I married him - there was no affection before we married. I don't know why I ever thought he would change AFTER we got married! I feel like such a stupid stupid fool.... and now, 9 years later, we are in the same place - but sinking fast.
I am so at a loss right now. I don't want anything to do with him and my children see that and it upsets them. I try to explain to them that he is not treating mommy right and that mommy is worth being treated much better. I then pray that neither of my girls end up with men like their dad. I want them to be treated better than I have been treated.
I'm not sure how long this will take to find a lawyer that I can trust, and that I can afford. If he would just leave and abide by the terms I set out, it would be so much easier. However, I don't think that's about to happen.....