14 years old. Not pretty, not ugly, but average. I fall into the background, but always perfered being behind the scenes to being in front of the crowd. So why am I so frustrated? I get great grades, am on the honor roll, and have a nice selection of friends that support me. Why is it that I feel unloved, when I have a loving family right behind me? Why is it that I feel alone, when I have the world supporting me? Why is it that I go mute when I have people who will listen to me? Why do I want to cry all alone? Why do I feel so powerless? Why do I want more, when I have eveything I need? Lying on my contemplateting these questions that eat me alive. I try to choke out these words to everyone, anyone, but they get caught in my throat. I don't want to be weak. I don't want to rely on people. I don't want to be loved, I don't want to have friends. I'm not good enough. Why don't I believe that I am good enough? I wake up in the morning, oozing lies and fake confidence. How can I lie to myself, and everyone I love, so easily? Never had any trauma in my life, but I feel empty. There is something missing from me. My sanity. My honesty. My self worth. But why? I feel like a whiney teenager, but I need to let it out before I explode. Need to allow my body to rest, to sleep. To not be obligated or expected to do anything... yes. Sleep. I need sleep.
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