You know what, it takes everyone around me telling me that I'm doing good or I'm doing better and that I've come along way, just for me to be able to think that. But overall I just feel like I'm in a hole with no way out. And being happy seemed to just turn into....a dream, almost like its imaginary. I mean ya, I got my career training done and I graduated. And it feels nice to say that, but I have nothing to show for it. My background won't allow me to be in my career for a long time. And I live in a place I dont want to be in an area I don't want to live in. And I'm surrounded by family, sure that's great, but that's not who I grew up with day to day. And I'm trying to get a job just to have some income and I can actually go do stuff. But either way I have no one to go do stuff with. So it really doesn't matter. Really I just want to go back home, but I have no way to get there. And sometimes I feel like crying but I'm so twisted up in my head that I never know what to cry about. And latley I've had this weird feeling like something is about to happen, I don't know what or have any idea, but it gives me really bad anxiety and keeps me from sleeping. It just one of those gut feelings. But anyways, I keep trying to ask myself what am I doing wrong and I try to compare myself now, to the old me who was way worse and really had nothing going for him and practically dug himself a grave. And it took me a long time to get out of that grave to ground level. But now I just feel like I'm looking at this mountain in front of me but it has a wall in front of it so I can't even start climbing. And I don't know what the wall is and I don't know how to change it. And believe me, I want to climb up that mountain and never stop till I reach the top. I want to start my career, get my own place back home and just ever increasingly keep making my life better. I just hope I get the chance to start doing that real soon, cause i don't know what to do.