Soul Crushing Loneliness

So lonely right now, I feel like nobody cares about me. What makes me lonelier is when people don't respond to my messages or anything on EP. I'm pathetic, I depend on the internet to take my loneliness away but I'm stupid for thinking. Maybe I should stop this fit of self loathing. I don't like to be alone, the thought of it literally brings tears to my face, I don't know why, I'm just pathetic. I know I have friends but when I feel lonely, I get depressed, who wants to talk to a person who can be depressing? I can but who knows of other people. Sadly I need attention because my parents never really gave me attention. I wouldn't be surprised if I got Munchausen's. I hate being lonely.
Desolatebones Desolatebones
22-25, M
6 Responses Apr 27, 2012

Is it gonna bother you that im older? And a girl?

Is this whiteboard? I dont have any friends either. Im a recluse. I dont like to be around people.

It's okay. I care. (And I also like your profile picture of Byakuya. Hope that the comment didn't ruin the message).

I know how you feel, but seriously, you need to love yourself and find within yourself the strength to carry on and thrive in a vacuum or love and emotional exchange. See, I used to engage in the sort of piteous behavior and longing that you display. But it never changed the fact that I am utterly alone and will be unless something drastic changed. I tried changing; everything from those David DeAngelo dating gimmicks to actual therapy with a psychologist. For years, I personalized the defect as something inherent in me and I was horrified. I lashed out at those who were only trying to tell me the truth I was blind to. And I also was aghast at what I was going to have to become to counteract what I had done. But it all lead me down the same road; I have to change the fundamental being of who I am. I had to become cruel, and arrogant and all the traits and behaviors I despise. I would, also have ot open myself up to the frightening world of open emotional exchange and allow myself to be hurt. Well, I refused to change who I was. <br />
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Instead, I turned within. I battened down the hatches. I used constant reinforcement, even biofeedback, and every forced conditioning process in the book to tell myself that I am completely alone. It is my destiny and that destiny is a special and remarkable thing. It is an honor to be alone and never know love. For what is love but an excuse to turn to when things get bad. You can turn to love and faith in those that love you and the hope of love returned to you to overcome the worst that life can throw at you. I have none of that and never will. Along with my complete lack of faith and spirituality, I have none of the artificialities and external constructs that other weaker people cling to when the worst happens. I never ask a God for help and I never turn to a friend or loved one for support. I find it all within myself and I overcome and triumph and have nobody to thank for it except myself and my determination to live my life on my terms. I have, at the very core of my being, actualized that I am a self-supporting singularity, like a hardened surveillance probe on a hostile planet surrounded by adversity and threats, but also wonders and excitement beyond comprehension. Every day is a gift of untold horror and beauty to behold, unclouded by sentimental attachments. I am self-sufficient for my every emotional and spiritual need. A large part of this is the confidence to know that I don't need anybody for anything other than what I want to allow them to extend to me. It is my choice to be miserable in solitude or to thrive and rejoice in it. No person will ever mean so much as to allow me to lower myself, lower my defenses and fail. All this clap-trap that people are social creatures and need love; it's an excuse to relinquish control over your most basic needs to some sort of hysteria. When people tell you that you "need someone in your life" they're only trying desperately to reenforce their own weakness, get you in on their deficiencies, and drag another strong, independent person down to their collective mire. <br />
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So, seriously, you can allow your well-being to depend on the responses of an anonymous cheering section on the internet, or realize that you have it within you to go it alone and have a thrilling, happy and successful life on your own terms. You can satisfy your own emotional needs. You can do it. You just need to believe in yourself and throw off all this cultural stigma and self-inflicted limitation. DO IT.

Umm, I'm speechless right now.

Sorry. I feel very strongly that people like you are done a tremendous disservice by society. You are made to feel less than adequate for being "weird". Think of what that means; Weird - not complying with expectations. Having non-standard responses and thoughts. Eccentric. All words ascribed with derision at you, but applied to some of the greatest innovators and revolutionaries of our time. Everyone fears a novel minded individual when they know that being different and seeing the world differently is an advantage in so many ways. You are overly hard on yourself because everyone else is applying their own nervous dissatisfaction with their own lives on you. Our society penalizes innovative minds and seeks to suppress thing and people that upset the status quo... ON ALL LEVELS, even the level of you. You are not alone. Plenty of people are miserable and lonely and feel so because our society depends on people needing to stoop to the average to make those with no ambitions for better feel better about their own inadequacies. Take a breather. Do something you enjoy and take a moment to realize why you enjoy it and how you are making yourself feel better. Know what that feels like and strive to feel like that every day. To hell with what others say. You are damned cool and only you need to know it. (but I suspect you're cool and I'll keep the secret).

Also, keep in mind that destructive introspection is something that only very thoughtful and intuitive people engage in.

Hey, it'll be okay! I've felt the same thing before, but it goes away! I promise! I depend on this site for friends and attention as well. Like you, I don't get any attention from my family and sure, I get attention from my friend, but she's not always around. I can talk to depressed people no problem, and I also wish more people could do the same. You are not pathetic at all! It's a good thing that you write about how you feel because that will help you make more friends and be less lonely. I am always here for you and you can talk to me anytime! You're my friend and I care about you! You don't need to feel lonely, because you're not!

Aww, thank you alot. I know it takes time, I just hate time sometimes lol. I'll always talk to you too. Thanks for being here. You're my friend and I care about you too. Talk to me anytime.

Thank you very much! I'll talk with you anytime I need it, or you need it! That's what friends are for! :)

you're not alone trust me :)<br />
don't be so sad, everybody feels lonely sometimes, that is the truth and as you say don't spend so much time on internet, it's pointless. On the internet everybody seems so popular and cool but remember they are also alone behind their pc trying to look as good as they possibly can...<br />
I have felt lonely for years as a kid, I always thougt of the ex<x>pression alone in a room full of people. It hurts but everything has a reason, so there will come a time that you will feel way better about yourself and you will no longer measure your person by the amount of friends you have.

Its just I feel important somehow, I like attention but some people don't like people who seek attention. I'm to weird for people, even my friends call me weird, say that's why they don't want to hang out with me. I can't tell if they are being sarcastic or not. I just want some attention.