I have been married 10 years next month and have 2 children. For last last few years I have spent 90% of my time alone or with only my children.
My husband is a very dedicated employee and very hard working, except when it come to our marriage and family. About 6 months ago he was struggling with his job stress and our failing relationship. He went to a doctor and was diagnosed bipolar, put on medication and sent to counseling. After a few sessions he confessed to me that he had an affair 7 years ago. I was deeply hurt and still am today. He says it was only one time and he has never strayed since due to guilt. I am not sure I believe him and cannot trust him now. He does not understand why I cannot just "get over it".
He has stopped taking his medication now and flies off the handle about just about everything. Neither myself or my children are very excited to see him when he comes home after work. When he is home he continues to get phone calls about work stuff and in between calls watches tv. There is no time in his day or week for his children or myself. When I ask him about it he says he wants to prove himself at work so he can one day soon be in charge of everything. Honestly, I don't look forward to that.
Our intimacy level has dwindled over the years but after his confession it is much harder for me. I chose to stay with him and am trying very hard to sort through the emotions involved. I think that the huge amount of time I spend alone makes things seem just that much worse. I find that I do not feel much like a wife or even a woman most days. I have no family close to me and no real friends because I don't get out of the house much. We have no real social lives because of his job and I find I am socially awkward now after many years without social contact. Don't get me wrong I do get out of the house, our children are very active in extracurricular activities, I just tend to stand alone or maybe a little chit chat here and there.
I don't know how much more I can take being alone. There is little to no affection in our relationship and about as much conversation. We are like strangers living together who lead two seperate lives. Where do I go from here?
I'm not really sure if I am seeking advice with this posting or just getting some stuff off my chest?
Vann14 Vann14
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 23, 2014

I can sympathize. I would encourage taking small steps. Everyday take a small social challenge on yourself. Small social challenges like when in a setting with groups of people tried to give a smile and a nod to another friendly face. A friendly face can hopefully encourage a person to approach you. Practice having people approach you by doing that challenge. It will cut down the awkwardness you feel.