I Dont Know Why Im So Lost!!

Well I've been lost in my life for the past year. Ever since my boyfriend of 2 years comitted suicide in front of me and my aunt, it tore my world to peices. It was December 28, 2008. I spent a year a drunken fog. I cried all the time, it was like every time i closed my eyes all i could see was him bleeding to death and wishing he had taken me with him. I thought that I would give myself one year to grieve and then I would move on with my life but that didn't happen. Its already 2010 and I've tried dental assisting, working at bars, debating whether i should join the peace core in order to gain some perspective on life, and my latest thought is joining the Air Force, but nothing seems to stick with me. I'm never happy any more, I've dated but i always seem to find a reason why it's not good enough. I've moved from state to state and still don't feel i belong anywhere. I can't seem to find happiness in anything that I do. People keep telling me that it's only because I'm 21 and it's normal for me to be so lost, but I think otherwise, this has become much more serious I'm border line bipolar now, something I've never struggled with. I don't kmow what t do or where to go, I don't think I can keep running from these issues forever but I just don't know where to begin. If you have any thoughts feel free to let me know and thanks for reading this.

Lena2010 Lena2010
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 25, 2010

Really I have no idea. About anything.<br />
<br />
Who I am, what on earth I am doing, what I am doing on earth, if i like you, if I like me, if I want to be here, if I want to be anywhere.<br />
<br />
Im just floating, daydreaming through it. Like Ive been drowning for so long, fighting it, trying to find home. Until I gave up and let the water fill my lungs and let myself slip out of this.