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Really I have no idea. About anything.

Who I am, what on earth I am doing, what I am doing on earth, if i like you, if I like me, if I want to be here, if I want to be anywhere.

Im just floating, daydreaming through it. Like Ive been drowning for so long, fighting it, trying to find home. Until I gave up and let the water fill my lungs and let myself slip out of this.

I really have no idea. The only thing I know for sure is that it hurts. I dont know why, I dont know what you or I can do about it, I dont know anything. Just that it hurts.

And giving up is becoming less of a dream, more of an option.

Tesse Tesse 18-21, F 5 Responses Apr 4, 2008

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U may think that giving up is the way to go. But there is something very scary to start feeling ur life end. I have been there. Still am. I daydream about how it would feel to stand on top of a tall place and look down. Playing in the wind as it moves me back and forth. Feeling it in my hair. And then jumping. I feel it would be as if all the bad would slowly fall out of me.

I want to do this so bad I see it clearly. But I felt this way when I was 18 and when I tried to take my life away and felt it slipping away I knew I made the wrong choice. See whatever ur issues are 1 at a time and slowly try to change them. Do it for u and no one else. Talk talk talk and write write write. Sometimes when we do this then we see how silly things sound and how we can change them. I hope u feel better :)

that's kind of what i was trying to say in your blog, that 'ultimately it would be for you'. i care about you, and would miss you dearly.....

I hope you stay, too.



(((((hug)))))

why?

it would be so easy, so peaceful, so.... final.

and thats alright with me. if it were all to end right here, right now, that would be ok.

Ill just fade into the background again.

but im just so tired. im sick of doing things for other people.