Um, I Guess I'm Just Another Average Story.

I've been suffering from depression for five years now. I have attempted suicide more times than I can count. I am that quiet, straight "A" student who always smiles and tries to help everyone else. I sit in the back and keep to myself. But as soon as I get home, everyone starts fighting. I'm very disorganized and messy and my father has OCD, needless to say, we clash very easily. My mother and father fight about the house all of the time. Twice now, my mother has told me straight to my face that "[I am] the main cause of the issues in the marriage, [I am] why they always fight." It hurts so badly. I've been going out for a man for almost six months now, he's a great guy, but he is also severely depressed and he has severe anger management issues. In the end, even when I end up having to pull a two day long all-nighter, if he is upset, even if he doesn't tell me he needs help, I end up taking out his frustrations. He ends up yelling at me and making me cry horribly, but I don't really regret it; it makes him feel better. But the thing is, lately my fake smile doesn't come as easily. I get sad much more often, and I can't concentrate on my schoolwork. I constantly feel like crying; I hate being here, but I know that I can't leave. I so desperately want to slit my wrists and just be done with everything, to stop caring, to stop everything, but I can't hurt people like that. I just wish that there was someone that I could talk to. I'm always the one who listens, I just wish that for once, someone would realize what I've done, what I've gone through and take some pity on me.... I used to self mutilate every night. I have well over one thousand cuts gashed into my wrists, legs, and shoulders. But I promised I would stop, so now, I can no longer let go of things in that way. I just, I want someone to care about me, too. I spend my whole life caring about other people. I need someone who can care and listen to me, too now. I feel like such a curse, I've lost 3 friends, one to suicide this year and two relatives, including my grandfather. I'm just so sad; I don't know what to do anymore.... I think that this might be my last cut-free night. I hate myself, I hate this, and I hate everything that I go through. Sorry....