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I Am So Sad and Lonely That It Is Killing Me

I Keep It Bottled In...

By: behindgreeneyes
Written on September 3rd, 2012
My husband and I got together at 15. Started having kids at 18...we got married after 10 years despite his alcohol abuse, smoking weed, and numerous cheating. I wanted my family so bad and it's been even worse in the two years we've been married. He promised me no more bullshit if we got married and two weeks later, he cheated after being out all night drinking and spending the rent money. I'm not ugly, my family & friends want to be around my fun personality, so why did I deal with all this?? My bio dad used to promise stuff and never follow through, so I learned early not to trust. My stepdad took care of me like his own since age 2, but had pervy tendencies that I've never told anyone but my husband about. I just can't figure out why every man who wasn't supposed to hurt me and protect me failed to do so. I'm not pity partying, but I lost my brother 4 yrs. ago and have kept those feelings bottled up, which made me a more angry person..so the inability to trust anybody makes me bitter and angry. I used to be an awesome mom, but since all these things keep catching up with me, I don't pay as much attention to the kids as I used to. Why can't I just feel good about myself and let it ALL go??
By: behindgreeneyes
Age: 26-30 , Female
216 people have read this story

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5 responses
  • 666Abi666
    666Abi666

    You deserve so much better

    Sep 30, 2012
    1 like
  • bearug
    bearug

    I'm horribly sorry. Maybe you should look at options like divorce. I'm no expert, but it sounds like its time to go. Time to move on. To go out into the world and be free.

    Sep 17, 2012
    1 like
  • ChivalryLives
    ChivalryLives

    My dear, as a man, I'm sorry to say he will probably not change. No one should be chained to someone that drags them down. I hate to say that his presence is hurting your children too. He is a terrible example for a man. For the sake of yourself and your children please move on from him.



    Let out your anger and bitterness through constructive activities. Show it in art, work through it in excercise or move past it with positive activities with friends and your children. Take them to the park and chat with other parents, go see a play or read at the library. Do anything to get away from the negative aspects. If you need to talk and vent to someone, I'm here.

    Sep 7, 2012
    2 likes
  • upnorth41
    upnorth41

    Advice from another who is in the same boat, should be bale! not hope the water doesn't get too much higher. If he is really screwing around on you and your not cool with it then you need to take action (maybe drastic) Do you know the women he is sleeping with?

    He could be getting something (STD) and bring it home to you. It's hard to be a good mom when your suffering with HIV or AIDS.

    Your health and your childrens health is on the line.

    Sep 6, 2012
    1 like
  • Roxyanna
    Roxyanna

    Green,

    Oh you poor thing, I feel ya. It is so hard to let it all go. I know what you mean and Im so sorry and dont really know what to say. Its hard when you love someone. He is there with you though--so he must love you. I dont know what it will take for him to see. But if all you are is sad, have you thought about leaving him? It will break your heart, but staying with him is breaking your heart too. It is mine... Sometimes we just have to let go :( Unless you come to realize and accept that your husband has a problem--he IS a serial cheater--like my ex bf. Either you accept it and live with it or you dont. He might change--but he most likely will have a relapse. Maybe counseling will help?

    Roxy

    Sep 6, 2012
    1 like