Alone, Depressed And Hopeless

I've never had a happy life. When I was very young, 3 or 4 I was sexually abused by my father. I never told anyone it had happened. While growing up I was emotionally abused by my father and brothers, which carried over to school where I was bullied and teased. I always felt unloved. I spent the majority of my teen years in my room hiding from the world. Hating my life, hating my friends, so much hate and anger.

I had a few moments in life where things were good and I had some hope for my future. I went away to college, but failed at that. Had a great paying government job and failed at that.

I keep ending up where I don't want to be. Alone, depressed and hopeless.

I'm on medication, I have a counselor, but nothing seems to work.

I spend a lot of time thinking of death and killing myself. I figure I'll be less of a burden to my family and society.

I wish things could turn around and I could find my place in this world. I just don't see a future for myself.
Meowmink Meowmink
36-40
3 Responses Dec 9, 2012

Im with u on everything i feel the same so alone always have been

I think maybe the most important thing to remember and really grasp is that you are not alone. So many have been through similiar circumstances and are sitting someplace all alone thinking the same thoughts. There's got to be a way for us to climb above this. I suppose the positive in it is that it is good to be a sensitive caring deep thinker. Better than being coldhearted,uncaring and unthoughtful like those who do such things to others. My hope is ppl like u and me can stand together and be heard and rise up and learn to be strong-together, because we deserve better than this lonely corner we put ourselves in.

Please don't give up. I feel exactly as you do this moment, but it must change somehow. You have tried and are trying to make it better. Reaching out is important and you have succeeded at that! Any little success you can find, hang onto! This too will pass. Please don't do anything that cannot be undone. People are here for you!