The Pain Of Living Everyday Is Soooo Bad That I Just Want Out!

I hate my life and my body sooooooo much that I cant deal with my life any more. This is my first time posting on here. I have been thinking of hanging myself today but there is no where around our house where I can hang myself from. I just want to be dead, if there was a pill available I would have taken it about 6 years ago. I think I have been depressed all my life but only realised it when I turned 21. I dont know how to kill myself and that just adds to my anxiety. Im 27 and have never had a bf.I have excessive hair all over my body, I have extreme cellulite, I have acne on my face and back. Iv never worn a skirt or dress or backless top etc in my life. Iv never worn a bikini and the last time i went to a beach was 5 years ago. When I was young my mum would work 12 hour shifts, she still does and used to leave me and my younger brother with my aunty and 2 older male cousins. They would make fun of my brother because he was darker skinned and call him horrible names. I was about 11 or 12 and he is 5 years younger so he would have been about 7. I think when I was about 10 or younger my male cousin would sexually abuse me. I never told any one as I was scared as my mother was never there for us. Oh yes and my mum got divorced when I was 5 and my brother just born :( No one likes me as I can never open up to people, Im just so different and cant relate to normal people as I have never been normal. I cry every day, I do drugs, drink alcohol anything to stop thinking and crying. I have a **** job, earn **** money, I cant ever have children as my children will be born hairy beast, no man will ever want to have children with me anyways. Oh and I have eczeama which has left me with a wrinkled forehead that people always stare at when they talk to me which has made things 100x worse. I hate myself and my life, no one cares to help me, iv seen professionals who said they can help either as I dont have mental illness its all physical and medication wont make me blind to my body that I have to live with every day. I would appreciate some advice from any one who understands. Im looking for advice on how to end my life, I dont want any "dont do it, its not worth it" comments and I dont care who i hurt when im dead, I wnat them to hurt and feel guilty as no one has helped me so far even tho I have told every one in my family of my situation.
krazeegurl krazeegurl
26-30, F
Jan 5, 2013