Everything Is Slipping From Me.

Words aren't enough, nowhere near enough to express the physical pain and sadness i'm feeling of this moment. I just want to not be, to be nothing. I want to watch someone more capable take my life in their hands. I want to be better.

I have such a stupid desperate need to be something interesting. I fabricated all my problems and lied, i lied and lied and then I realized they were real, they were always real.

Now i have new lies covering the old lies. I feel like i'm being crushed by an impossible weight and soon i'm going to explode.

I want to carry on cutting and cutting until i don't exist. Somehow my brain also thinks that its good for me to try and starve myself happy.

I need not to be, to fall out from under my life. Its not fair, nothing in the world is fair. Everywhere around me all I see is other people's pain. What kind of ****** up god does this too good people. Why are there people in the world with nowhere to live, and why do i, part of a privileged white class feel like nothing good will ever happen. Why can't i just speak out, why can't we all save eachother.
An Ep User An EP User
4 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Hello! :) before you dismiss me and think oh this is just another 'GOD' person, PLEASE hear me out! you wonder what kind of God hurts good people? the answer is simple, he is the opposite of God, he is the one who is in charge of all the suffering in this world, he is the one who has torned up anything good. BELIEVE me God is really trying to help us in any way possible, to save us from all the pain! He's probably intervened in your life many times, but you just havent seen him, RIGHT now he is using me as a tool to bring you closer to him. He wants you to be happy and safe, he is reaching out to you calling out to you, pleading you to forget, and FORGIVE all of the pain that this world has brought upon you. REALLY! You can cry, cry to him, open your heart and let him in. Pain is not caused by him, it is caused by everything around us, and he can't do anything to help us unless WE let him and call for him to help us. He gave us a free will in order to let us choose, and right now YOU must chose. Instead of cutting let your pain be forgotten by his inmense love, let in banish with tears of joy knowing that HE cares and LOVES you. It wont be easy and the world will still throw stones at you and cause you pain, BUT it will all be worth it! THis is just a milisecond compared to the eternity of happiness you can live when you are with him! TRUST in him no matter what, HE is waiting for you, and always will be. <3

You're not alone. It's never, ever, too late to begin anew. Sometimes you just end up...somewhere you never wanted to be. But you are not the only one that has gotten lost, and I hope that you can find your way back- I have faith in you.

I feel the exact same way. Like I'm for someone the only one who sees things for as tragic as they are. I know I'm wrong, but I can't wrap my head around how other people see it.

I understand that so much. I feel that way too. Its killing me.