Everything Is Slipping From Me.Words aren't enough, nowhere near enough to express the physical pain and sadness i'm feeling of this moment. I just want to not be, to be nothing. I want to watch someone more capable take my life in their hands. I want to be better.
I have such a stupid desperate need to be something interesting. I fabricated all my problems and lied, i lied and lied and then I realized they were real, they were always real.
Now i have new lies covering the old lies. I feel like i'm being crushed by an impossible weight and soon i'm going to explode.
I want to carry on cutting and cutting until i don't exist. Somehow my brain also thinks that its good for me to try and starve myself happy.
I need not to be, to fall out from under my life. Its not fair, nothing in the world is fair. Everywhere around me all I see is other people's pain. What kind of ****** up god does this too good people. Why are there people in the world with nowhere to live, and why do i, part of a privileged white class feel like nothing good will ever happen. Why can't i just speak out, why can't we all save eachother.