I Am All Alone and She Could Care Less

The readers digest version is that the woman I spent my life with for 28 years, the woman that I devoted myself to left me like a sack of garbage at the curb of life.  She never appreciated anything that I did for her or our girls, never made even a token attempt to contribute anything to the family.  She dumped all life's' responsibilities squarely on my shoulders and not one time did she ever express any gratitude.  Her only concern was to get "her" half, find an other man post haste, and make sure that I was responsible for our daughters well-fare and needs- which I have done gladly even though it has destroyed me financially.  And the real kick in the *** is that its been 8 long years now and not only have the wounds failed to heal, but they haven't even scabbed over yet.  My life has been a living hell and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.  Will it ever end?

MichaelHStateler MichaelHStateler
17 Responses Nov 29, 2008

Perhaps not. I'm in a similar situation - I simply don't trust women any more. You give them nothing and they're not happy. So you give them everything and they're still not happy. I see other couples who seem happy and wonder why it didn't work for me. But there are no guarantees in life - it's a lottery, or perhaps it just comes naturally to some people...

It's not up to you to make them happy, it's up to them to make themselves happy.
Would you really want to take on the unnecessary responsibility of making someone happy when they can do it themselves? And then when things go awry they blame you for their dissatisfaction?
Proper relationships are created when two people who are already happy as it is come together to share their love that they already feel deeply within themselves. The love is not dependent on the other, it is independent and so when the relationship ends, no feelings of attachment or loss are felt because nothing was ever taken or given, it was shared mutually and in respect.

it would end...just trust God. He has prepared a better plan for you and your family... take care..

**** that ignorant *****!

It is better to of loved then not loved at all. We are put on this earth to explore it. Think of the wonderful times you both shared together, would you do it all over again? Appreciate the idea you were able to discover something so wonderfull in your life. God gives and God takes away so we will appreciate him. Like the old saying goes "how can you appreciate the good--if you dont experience the bad?" Your life is a mystery in which the answers will only be found inside, you and anyone else who wants to be free. The first 2 commandments in the hebrew bible is your first hint. J.O.O. My book will be available soon.

By God's will it will end. Please Have faith, you did great and exceptionally beautiful to take care of your kids on your own when it destroyed you financially, through all the pain and trouble you should be proud of yourself, not MANY, can accomplish what you have. <br />
Im sorry that you past scars have not healed, but one day they will by God's will. <br />

Michael, I sit here with tears in my eyes knowing what you are experiencing. How do I know? I just married a man 3 months ago whom I love and cherish dearly, but he is you. What I mean by this is that he was also married to a real selfish woman who dropped him basically on his axx when she decided she was through with him. He too was a good father to her STEP son. She tried to take every material item she could from him and succeeded for the most part. He is permanently disabled and she took everything from him basically. I know he loved her but she cheated on him spent money like she owned the world and verbally attacked his manhood over and over. Now today he lives with the sound of her voice telling him that he is worthless as a man. I have tried for 1 1/2 years to contradict that voice by telling him that he is worthy and a wonderful man and for the most part he has been. The anger though never seems to stay gone and I am the one who receives the punishment she should have gotten all along. If you know anything about abuse victim's man or woman they are usually unable to stand up to their abusers. Therefore, me the sweet kind gentle woman comes along and I get all the aggressive hatred he has. I try to be as supportive as I can but I need him to find a way to heal from all of this. There are days he will not talk to me or tell me to get away or won't tell me he loves me or worse tells me to find someone else. The pain that this causes is worse than being hit by a car for me. Foolish I thought I could show him unconditional love and support and this would help him heal. I guess I was wrong because each day I sink lower and lower into this black hole that is starting to destroy me and who I am. I pray each day over and over because I do not want to lose my marriage and I do love him but I need strength that I am not sure I will ever get. I am telling you this so maybe you can see that the people close to you can feel your pain sometimes just as you. PLEASE find help for yourself quickly. I am sure you are a wonderful man like my husband that just needs someone that really loves him but you need to be able to reciprocate that love hon and you may not be able to if you don't get help now. <br />
Please just know someone understands your feelings!!!!!

Dear friend. I hope by the time I'm writing this you have started your healing process. 3 months ago my wife and my life left me just because she believed she deserves more (that's exactly waht she said). just god knows how hard I tried to win her back but I couldn't. At least you are in peace with yourself that you have done more than your share. My story was quite similar to yours but as a result of her behaviour I have been unhappy in my married life and I always blame myself for not being happier and more supportive. This blame is eating my soul alive. My mode swings by minute. I am just talking to myself all the time and every single night I see her in my dreams. I did not just love her, I worshiped her. She was my godess but she left me so easy and thinking about it brakes me in to million pieces every single day. If I was brave enough I would have end this misery. I am not affraid of hell, I am just not brave enough. I wish I was never born as I can't take this any more.

I am in your exact situation. I am sorry to say that being a true single parent is financially, emotionally and physically exhausting. I love my three boys, but just like me, we are all working through our loss. He never pays, he never visits, he never calls. Nothing. I have no extended family, no car, no personal life. It's just me, the boys and a cat. We live in a tiny little house that is 44 years old and literally falling apart. Everything is either broken or breaking just like our hearts.

Maybe it's a good thing that there's no light at the end of the tunnel. It coud just be night-time. And if there was, it wwould most likely be an oncoming train.

Anger is a killer and it just picks away at a person until they are fragmented.Work on that.You have every reason to feel as you do. You have to live.You deserve a good life .Loads of best thoughts your way.You probably have done a good job with what was dumped on you..I'm speaking of the hurt.You raised the kids and did your best. A selfish person didn't care about you.It's just wrong! I'm sure your kids appreciate their Dad.

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it. Maybe therapy would help. You know the thing is my list of blessings is long and I know compared to most people in this world I am fortunate and I have this heart to heart talk with myself on a rountine basis about this very thing, but the hurt and sadness always manage to prevail. Thanks again for your comments and have a Happy Holiday Season. <BR>MIke

Also take some constructive steps for yourself. Go the the Dr and get a full check up - in paticular as an aging man check testosterone and B12. Go to the detist and get your teeth cleaned. Clean and organize your house. Join a gym and get healthy. Do things that benefit YOU.

it wil take time you need to greive your loss.just like some one dying you will get around it and in the end you will be better with out her

It will end when you learn to let go. you can let go when you allow yourself to. Life could be beautiful, when you choose to see the beautiful side of it. Things could look and feel like it's ******.. but u're not the worse, there are still people worse than you. If you feel like you cannot help feeling the way you do, you cannot see light, find the support of friends and get help like therapy that Nyxie suggested. If anything, there are always friends here to lend you the support. Life don't totally suck. If you have daughters that love you, you still have something. You could find yourself a better woman too now that she's left. (:

If you haven't tried therapy yet, Michael, you might consider it. It can really help you get through your suffering and move on to a healthier place for both you and your children. Good luck!

You are to be commended for making sure your kids have had all they needed. You are a great father and that matters more than what your ex wife represents. Remind yourself everyday how your kids were a blessing and let that be your motivation. <br />
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I sympathize, I do. If there were magic words, I'd say to help. Good luck to you.

I second MizzBlue's sentiment. I was alone for years until I opened my heart and mind.

[[[hugs]]] on honey - you need to grieve her and LET HER GO!! Seriously - sounds like you haven't done this. <br />
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She is no good to you. <br />
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Life is too short - so many women out there