Why????!!!!

I am so sad and angry at the same time. To make you understand how I feel, I will spend a few minutes to tell you about my story.
I have met my second husband ten years ago, after going through a being cheated first marriage. I pullled myself together and went back to school to finish my BA degree in education. While I was attending school, I met my second husband through a mutual friend of ours. He has just divorced his first wife (was also cheated on), and left his hometown and moved to south florida. I was at a point of my life that I just wanted to start new, so we started dating. A few years later, I said I do once again, but the trouble started. I found myself deeply disliking the profession I have chosen as a teacher, I couldn't deal with the children, and I found myself hating what I did. My second husband was having a very difficult time finding work in south florida too. So as you can image, finace became a huge disruption in our marriage. I found myself not trusting him enough to talk to him about any of my financial and professional problems, because whenever I do, he becomes agitated and upset, so I kept all my doubts and problems to myself. Then he called me lying and using. Mind you, I have never stopped working, even though I hated what I do, and for at least four years, he was only able to work part time. He did try to change his life by going back to school, and I did my best to held down the house. Last year, things took a turn for the worst, I lost my job and we were at the end of our rope. So he made the decision of going back to his hometown up north, and I came back with him. At his familiar ground, he's able to once again dove right back to his old profession and finding work. He wanted me to get into the school system in the local area, but I spoke to him frankly about wanting out of it. Now that we are at somewhat of a stable situation, I want to take a chance to change my career choice. He was doubtful, and on and off argumentive, but I sticked to my deicision, because I am no longer young, and this maybe my last chance. While I was supporting him down south, he was only able to finish school half way during a four year period. Back in North, while hes working, I tried finding part time jobs (give myself room to study), but was not successful. As time progress, all hell broke loose, he's extrememly upset with me, because I am not working. He chose to believe that I am using him, that I lied to him about what I want to do for my profession, he kept telling me he chose to date me because he thought I had my life together when I was back in school. Now he's telling me that the deadline is the end of this year, I better figure out a way to generate some income or he's divorcing me.
I am so upset and angry, because I have spent four years supporting him while he went back to school, and yet he called me a user, because Im not working here in North, and I am asking for his support so I can try to change my career. If anything I felt he used me down south, because now that I am trying to find a way to change myself, I have been called a user. I am so tired of all these fighting and struggling, I sometimes want to just run away and leave all these behind, yet I know if I do, the name of "user" will be forever marked on me by him. Why....all I wanted is a chance to change, and yes, its difficult to just find a decent job out there.
My writing is all over the place, I am just so angry and sad right now, and I have no one to talk to. I am so tired. Why is it he can't be supportive, why is it its okay for him to have my support, the once the role can't be reversed. WHY.......
chyna315us chyna315us
31-35, F
Nov 26, 2012