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16, Wasting My Life

 

I’m not the best writer in the world so please ignore how bad this is

well just like lumi I was browsing the net trying to figure out how to get over this and I stumbled across his experience. I felt as if he was writing about my life with a few modifications.

I’m like it says in my title I am a 16 year old male. Even before I could remember I have always been an extremely shy person but up until about the 7th grade there was always at least one person I could talk to. Now days I can’t even talk to the people I call my friends and because of that I recently felt the need to isolate myself from everyone and spend my days alone.

When I am online I’m usually one of the most talkative people and everything just comes out so easy, but more recently I’ve felt myself becoming shy online also. Because I find it is so difficult to communicate in the real world I have turned to playing a mmorpg. This has been ruining my life and I can’t ever seem to stop it now.

More recently I was diagnosed with a chronic illness I had been suffering with for over a year, I felt as if I was dying every day and had no idea what would happen. I was too scared to even tell my closest friends or family and watched my health decline over a period of about one year. Eventually my mom became worried as she noticed what was happening and now the problem is mostly under control although it has caused me to miss around 6 months of school I spend so many nights without sleep just wishing I could be with other people ad to talk to them, but it seems less realistic to me than “The Cat in the Hat”. A very few people have tried to talk to me before but all I can do is give one world responses and eventually I end up being labeled as an antisocial or someone who hates people. Once this happens no one else eve attempts to speak to me. And I start to label myself as well.

I really just thought I would eventually out grow this and start talking but I know now that this will probably continue the rest of my life and I just see no point of living at this point (not suicidal just completely unmotivated to even try at this point… A lot more that I want to say but I just can’t put it into words.
crimsonrazac crimsonrazac 16-17 Sep 20, 2008

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