I Dont Seem to Fit In

 This is the second time that i am sharing my experience. There would'nt have been a better day than today for sharing it. I have always considered myself "different" all my life. Sometimes i find myself bordering towards being an eccentric. Last night i "had to" attend a child's birthday party since my son could not go. I avoid going for these parties and send my son and maid. 

As i left for this party which was just a block away, I had this panic attack and had to breathe deeply. I felt my knees trembling and didnt know how i would SURVIVE this public affair.  Sad to say i didnt have a great time there and felt like a piece of puzzle which  couldnt find the right groove. Those few moments i spent there were scary. Its just that i dont (like to) mingle with the other mothers so i find myself rather alone.    Even as i child i dreaded public affairs, parties, picnics.. except the ones where i had my friends. My husband is this party animal but sadly due to my shyness he had to give up going out to clubs.   Even as i walked to work this morning i couldnt forget how stupid i felt last night....   I think of discussing this with someone maybe my spouse to begin with. But i have always been a proud sort of person who never discusses her problems.   It feels kind of nice reading experiences of other shy people, knowing I am not alone ....    
shygal shygal
10 Responses Jan 26, 2009

had never heard of her..but will try and buy the book...thanks..

my m-i-l's side of family is boisterous and loud...so attending a family party with them is a nightmare...i have seen pictures of me and i am cringing in most of them... i feel lost and i have in fact decided to stay away from these family affairs...there's another family i.e my S-i-l's inlaws who are very gracious..and i am a different person when i am around them...introverts dig warmth and meaningful conversations and being around honest folks...not saying that party goers or loud people are bad, its just that they are on a roll and oblivious of the introverts around them....if you are into reading, then you can try "The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World"

Agree. people just find it hard to understand about being shy and quiet, unless you're one yourself. I'll definitely look for that book. I'm also looking for susan cain's Quiet. I follow her on fb too. she's an awesome introvert speaker/author.

I'm 24 and still is very shy since I was young. The thing is, my father has a BIG family and they like having gathering from time to time (they are all very loud and party ppl to boot). I feel so anxious and out of place whenever we go to those gatherings. Everytime I tell myself, try to make a conversation with your cousin/aunt/etc but when we get there i became the quiet little gray mouse that i am.

I function better at a calmer environment, like gathering with few friends who are not as loud as them. Family gathering is a nightmare to me, I'm so tortured everytime we have one.

I totally understand the part when you say the moments you spent there scary. It's really hard to overcome shyness when the environment aren't allowing us to gradually open up. Most people expect we could jump in the middle of the party and have fun because hey, this is a fun thing why would anyone not enjoy this?

Let's be strong and fight our shyness, one step at a time.

This is exactly how i feel and i hope you're okay x

Actually i came to a conclusion that 90% of people are shy, it is just the level of shyness that really affects you, i was extremely shy during high school, then at college i became a lil bit more out going and i believe you have to work on it everyday of ur life and eventually you will learn that shyness is pointless and that all the people have something they r ashamed of or some kind of an insecurity.<br />
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just remember be strong and fight it everyday :)

I put on such a forced front when with other "extroverts" and it is very exhausting. My profession is very "people-oriented" and I feel trapped because of the salary. I can't make it on 1/3 of the pay I would get at an ordinary job. Sometimes I dream of selling everything and living a very simple stress-free introverted life!

consider yourself lucky that you have someone you love and loves you back. i feel the exact same (someone who doesn't seem to fit in) whenever i am with people. i am currently in college, about to start my 2nd year at san francisco state university, the time when you are supposed to be the most social and i have definitely tried to be social and it really kills me inside to do it. the only way for me to get around this is to drink myself to the point of almost blacking out, smoke massive amounts of pot, or take opiates just to be able to feel somewhat comfortable in social situations. for instance right now, i took some norcos just make myself register on this site and comment on your story. you probably won't even read my comment, i actually don't really know where I'm going with this but I guess what I mean to say is that I wish I was as lucky as you to even have a spouse, in my case i wish i had a girl friend. but that is neither here nor there. i don't really know why i'm even wasting your time writing this. sorry.

You are just very shy; it's true it can be difficult to experience but it's basically a personality trait. A lot of people are shy - you just don't hear about them because they're shy, like you!

I was very shy as a teenager like yourself i didn't like parties , gatherings , . Then i found to over come this I found some interests for myself . with no input from anyone . Since my confidence is good I enjoy meeting people , love conversation , and have a large circle of friends......... so find the thing which you will enjoy and that's the start, meet likewise people and there will be no looking back

EP is great about helping us conquer those fears. I know I conquered my fears by taking a job that required me to speak in front of people. It was hell for the first month or so and then i learned that usually if I smiled people would approach me and then it became easier. My current job requires that i speak and present proposals in front of upper management personnel and I still get nervous in some scenarios.