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I Am Too Involved...

I will be the first to admit that I am too involved in my teen daughter's life. She is 17 now and I am trying to wean myself out of my addiction to of all things, her personal facebook account. It all started with the best of intentions... When she was a freshman in Highschool I found out by accident, when she accidentally forgot to log out of her account that she was being bullied. From that point on I insisted that I needed the access for her protection. She had gone to a small, private elementary and middle school (her class had 24 kids in it) and then she was thrust into a big public high school. I just wanted to protect her as much as I could. I felt I could watch her "friends" on her news feed line and help her navigate her way through the trials of highschool. Well, like I said this started 2 years ago. Now unfortunately, I feel like I am ADDICTED to her facebook. Sad to say but it is a daily drama that unfolds and it is like watching a soap opera to me. Anyway, my daughter has a boyfriend now and here-in is my struggle... I would notice every little thing he would "like" of other girls' and point them out to her saying she needed to talk to him about this, don't let him get away with that, etc... It was really making me mad because I felt like he was getting away with disrespecting her. It really angered me. Well, I finally told her to change her password because I know in my heart that she needs to handle this on her own. Failure or success it has to be her own. This is the hardest thing...trying to protect your child from failure/heartache. It is wearing me out. And shamefully, I still sometimes sneak onto her facebook - not as much as I used to...but it is a terribly addictive thing. Yes, I realize this sounds crazy. Maybe I am. Ugh.
waketosleep waketosleep 41-45, F 3 Responses Feb 11, 2013

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I can so relate to this.

I raised two daughters pretty much by myself. They may not want to talk but please keep those lines of communication open. Demonstrate that they can always ask about anything at anytime. Parents are stupid (so they think) and kids will learn things the hard way. Give her some room and unconditional love. She'll turn out just fine.

I appreciate and agree with your comment. I am trying my best to give her the space she needs to grow and make mistakes on her own. It is hard ): ... Thank you for your kind words.

Anyone with a child under the age of 18 that allows their child to have a facebook account should closely supervise it. Be more concerned with how she's presenting herself online and the friends she has on Facebook. However I draw the line pointing out what her boyfriend's activities. She has to make her own mistakes when it comes to men. Yes I know you're Mom and its your job to be protector. But snitching on everyone that does her wrong on Facebook will only make her resent you.

I read LonelyHome's comment. I work at a school and more fights, suspensions and expulsions are happening because girls are being catty on Facebook. As a parent you are already in for a losing battle dealing with teens when you buy into the "everyone else" does mentality. No 12-year old should be on facebook.

I agree with your response and am trying very hard to let my daughter make her own mistakes - especially with men. It's hard and it hurts ): but I have gotten a LOT better. I have started getting back into the things I enjoy doing and giving her more freedom ...don't get me wrong, I still watch her facebook and am quick to have her take down statuses I find objectionable.

"Anyone with a child under the age of 18 that allows their child to have a facebook account should closely supervise it. "

I STRONGLY disagree. This is like saying that you should only allow your children to talk to their friends in real life if you are physically present with them and able to hear everything that they are saying. A child is a child, not a slave.

Also, a 17 year old is not a 'child'. They are legal minors, and cannot do certain things, but that does not mean that they are psychologically a child, and that somehow on their 18th birthday their psychology flips 180 degrees to that of an adult.