Idk Bro Guess U Just Ride Solo..............to start, since i was young ive been lonley watchin kid sister play and always have a companion, parents had each other even tho their relationship was crap to say the least. Ive just allways felt soo alone even in relationships, marriage, long term relationships i mean everything. Only time i didnt when i was with my son for the whole first year of his life everyday but even then the stress of the ex wife her mom handi capped uncle everything got to meand i fuked that up and havent seen my son in 3 years. Since then ive had one serious relationship but she lied cheated manipulated broke my heart on numerious occasions even one litterly. Got diagnose at 23 with heart complications and she cheated again after she got me arrested for bs charges for saying im going to beat dudes ***. then when i got out she broke up with me 2 days before xmas .
since then ive come a long way seen heard and even learned a lott, have had steady work, i own 2 vehicles workin my way out of the debt she left me sit with, living with family now if i ever make it home some nights. I spend all my free time helping co workers and friends even people i meet randomly, just tryin to do good deeds it helps..... them, i still feel dead inside.From time to time i feel almost normal once a littl partakin in the party seen but real life comes bak quick with a hang over. I hardly even eat anymore my sleep schedrule is shot from workin a crap fastfood job that screws me constantly but honestly none of any of it would bother meif i wasnt so alone. I am an average younger guy athletic build do average things like workin on my car, friends cars, hookin up bangin *** sytems, play video games, watch movies(redbox and netflix r my real besties) listen to music like everything, meet people on and off threw the norms of everyday life.
Its just once i wake up it hits me again, then i dont even wanna get up anymore but then i roll over to get comfortable and realise theres so much bed 4 me no one fighting for pillows or covers, or just the domain of my side. It got to me so badd i just got a futon and sleep with it like a couch. Im tired of not having anyone to talk to, friends i dnt feel comfortable sharing this kinda stuff with, dont want any one pittying me.I miss arguements, who lost the remote what WE should eat whos turn it is to go to the store etc etc Idk its effecting my sleep i cant think str8 just so down dnt even wanna live anymore, this is brutal, im not suicidal or anything i just find no enjoyment in life anymore, i like very little. i have no motivation im enjoyin smokin weed anymore i started bak up just ause i thought it would help.I know im a good guy, im told all the time if i was single youd be chained up in my kitchen, or ive never met a guy like you, or why couldnt i have met you b4 i met him.
Im not a cheater either nor do i condone it its litterly destroyed me once n again n again etc etc. i catch myself sayin all good girls are taken or hidden somewhere (as in single or available). One doctor says its depression but due 2 heart condition cant have depression meds or even sleep meds 4 insomnia. thats where the weed was helpin but now..... its not hardly at all n its really good weed!!! i feel horrible im so depressed i see it makes my mother sad and worry about me very few but real friends are startin to see it.I hate bein the person who hates it when they someone holdin hands or kissing or with their kids just cause im alone i miss having someone who listens as well as talks, some one to hold on to when **** gets hard, some one to cuddle with n watch a movie or even b4 bed. doing that someones laundry for them even super fast last sec b4 they got work, or cookin somethin u hate but they love and eatin it like it was your favorite or beggin them to cook somethin u hate but they like or even just cuz she cant get the recipee right but still your a trooper so your all aw naw babe this fukin amazin kinda stuff. Like i said im 24 average guy good build so you know i miss sex not even just sex but passionate love you can only make when your fallin in love or in love allready.
breakfast in bed, buyin that someone a gift just cause or savin for a big holliday or b day gift u put hella thought and took hella overtime to save for. I miss it all so much and everyday i get lonlier, sadder, accept the fact a little more that im alone and its gunna be like that for a while or even forever. then gettin over a crazy ho bag ex when you still love er. idk really idk like i said in the title just gotaa say idk br guess you ride solo.