Chronic Low Back Pain

after reading through your stories i've realized i dont have it as bad as i thought.

ten years is quite enough, mind you, of the physical and mental exhaustion of forcing myself to get out of bed every day, to push through the first painful steps, talk myself into giving a **** about life, crank the corners of my mouth up, and pretend i'm ok.

some days i'm ok, the pain doesnt manage me. then there's days like today.

i lie constantly to everyone around me. "oh im fine, doing well, etc" ...bullshit. how can i say to my parents and siblings, to my wife, that i'm looking forward to being dead. very melodramatic, and i have no intention of checking out early, but ******* it's going to be nice to leave this broken pain ridden body behind, and see whatever's next!

and i dont have it bad.

i know you guys out there are truly in pain, and my worst day is still better than your best day. thank you for posting, it helps me keep a perspective. thank you, for making me cry, keeping me humble, and helping me be a bit less sucky.

lumborum lumborum
36-40, M
1 Response Feb 2, 2010

That is how you have to look at it!! If not I don't think you can get anything done, but feeling sorry for yourself which I think all of us with chronic pain have felt, at some time, or another! <br />
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I personally have gone to too many "specialists" from Ortho, Neurologists, and Pain Management, to Holistic hoping and praying that the next one will have a procedure or an idea to help, but that somehow never seems to happen. Just hang in there and talk to someone that hopefully has some insight or experience with this private HELL. We will be a listening ear and do our damnedest to help.