Why Am I Better Off Alone Again?

I'm having a day where I backslide. My soon to be ex spent the weekend out of town with his girlfriend, who he intends to introduce our son to this week despite my protests.

I'm feeling sad and disbelieving that my marriage is over again. I was doing so well a couple of days ago. Maybe its simply because my son leaves for a week tonight and I will be all alone again. I have these moments when I miss my husband & I wonder "what am I missing"? The cursing, the name calling the constant arguing over stupid things? The ever present suspicion that someone else was on his mind, that I was not enough.

Maybe my sadness is realizing that I was right. I wasn't enough for him & all he had to do was drop me and our marriage and everything about our 15 years together and he found what was enough for him. 8 months and he has a new woman with three kids of her own that he has instantly accepted.

Am I always going to feel this way? Like I'm not enough? I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be alone. I want to find someone who fullfills me and who is fullfilled by me. I hate sitting alone knowing that he has everything he always wanted but could never have with me and he is pulling our son into it.

I just want to get over this and go forward.
bmcinnis bmcinnis
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

I story is somewhat similar..I was married for 10 years I was pregnant with my second son when I found out he was seeing someone else. I had no clue he was capable of being so cold. When I confronted him he told that he's is leaving that he doesn't want to be married anymore. I was heart broken I never thought in a million years this would happen to me. I went thru depression, stress everything you could think of I lost so much weight. He was my all that's all I knew. He was my first everything. I would of forgiven him just to have my family back I would of given him another chance. I never got it a year later I found out that he was seeing someone else and they moved in together she has 2 kids and he takes care of them. While I'm hear suffering hoping that he would come back to me and me being a single mother struggling I had to move back in with my parents. That's not the worst part he recently had a child with her and the only way I found out was that my 5 year old said that daddy has a baby. I was so pissed he never wanted to have anymore kids and now there is another one he has to take care of which he has a hard time taking care of mines. I'm very bitter. He has it all someone to love a new family and I been struggling just to get by physically and mentally everyday. At times I'm so overwhelmed I sit and cry my eyes off. It had change me a lot I don't trust anymore. I feel like I'm no good for anyone if my husband did that to me anyone can. We haven't got a divorce yet it's been 3 years we haven't been together. I would love to but every time I talk to him about it he doesn't have the money. I just want that part of my life to be over. Hope my story helps. Your not alone things will get better in time.

Dear What3v3rbaby, thank you for sharing your experience. That is heartbreaking and I am so sorry that you were put thru that by someone you loved and trusted. It is especially tragic for your children. You are a very strong woman to have carried on and I admire you. It is very hard to not be bitter. Can you not file for an uncontested divorce? Then all that needs to be paid are the filing fees.

@ bmcinnis thank you. I have the papers to file uncontested but I am having such a difficult time figuring it out. I have to go to small claims court for them to help me with the process but I don't have the time by the time I go to work it's closed. I need to take a day of to go at this point I can't afford to. Thanks for the advice. Things happen for a reason whatever it is we get thru it and we learn from our mistakes. Good luck.