I'm Tired Of Feeling Hurt And Sad,

I feel so Lonley.. And depressed I can be happy at times then later I feel so depress I don't know what it is, I just start to cry and feel sad. I don't have any friend I'm kind of a loner at school. I don't really care for friends but sometimes I do and now I'm starting to really care and I really wish I atleas had someone to talk to. But knowone really comes up to me anymore and try to have a conversation. I'm so shy anyway so I feel like I keep on pushing people away and through the years, if I wasn't so shy to talk to people it would be more easy to make friends I don't want no fake friends I just want someone to talk to that understands me. And that can relate that I'm not nervous to talk to. I wish I wasn't so shy I keep pushing people away by not talking and then I feel bad or like I'm in trouble for not opening up it may seem like I'm trying to be rude. Anybody even family I'm so nervous if I real nice person try's to talk to me I don't really say anything just respond and that's it, and people think I'm weird or look awkward for not saying anything. So they make fun of me for it. And think that I'm being mean for not saying anything. Like I hurt there feeling or something. I fel so left out I feel like a loner. I wonder how people see me and what they think about me.
blackpepperfox blackpepperfox
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 18, 2013

Hi there, I read your story and I thought I'd leave a comment. I used to be exactly the same as how you are describing yourself and in someways I am still a bit like this. It's a horrible feeling I know, you feel like if you try and talk to someone you'll make a fool of yourself or just not saying anything at all will seem rude. Well that is not the case at all, people don't just turn and hate you because you don't know how to open up or you on't say anything, people who think that are the ones that you shouldn't be wasting your time with and when the right people are in front of you they will be patient and understand it's not always easy opening up. I know it seems hard to see right now but what people think of you really does not matter at all, if someone makes fun of you because you can't always respond appropriately then that's their problem, worrying about what they think will cause more stress for you and only make you paranoid and stress about it more. You do whatever makes you happy, read a book, listen to your music, watch your tv shows, don't waste your time worrying about what people think because you are only putting thoughts in your head about what you think they're thinking, which i garuntee is not true. It's really hard to explain but really don't worry about what people think, if someone asks you something try your best not to worry about what your response will be, it will come naturally to you, if you have nothing to say then it doesn't matter, what you think of yourself and how you see yourself is the most important thing and once you start seeing yourself exactly how you want to and being more confident in yourself without worrying, then making friends, talking to people and being happy will come and the feeling of being a "loner" will go. You are not a "loner" in the slightest, you just haven't unlocked that confidence which is right there waiting for you to grow into, and those feelings of happiness will last and hopefully you can spend your days being happy.

I hope that made some sense to you, it's a hard thing to try and explain exactly what I mean because I was exactly the same, but I stopped caring about what people think and did what I want and ever since I have gained confidence and have good close friends, so I hope I helped you even just a little bit. Remember do whatever you want to make you happy and smile :)