I Love Misery

Hi all,

I am a totally different person today. I am full of anxiety, so afraid of change, and always anticipating the worst. I am a hypocrit. I say one thing and hope for another but when I get the latter, i long for the former. Im sure many of us are the same but just don't admit it. But I belive in being honest.

On the hurt front, sometimes I feel dead inside, and then just to make sure that im still alive, I try to relive my most painful experience even if it means hearing the voice of someone who you really liked .. perhaps even loved and then just making casual talk.. wishing for some magical ignition.. wishing that this one talk changes the entire course of the future. It's really painful yet sometimes I really enjoy it.

I am constantly terrified of change. I imagine the worst, and then try to prepare myself for it. But what a way to live life that is huh? If i were to describe myself in some adjectives, it would go like- dead, alone, loveless, inspirationless... 

I hope that after writing this experience, I get an insight and the will to change myself for the better.

 

A misery

eveningwanderer eveningwanderer
22-25, F
Mar 1, 2010