Don't Know How To Survive Anymore

i should be happy got three healthy happy children at home,and this weekend another one of my children came over for the afternoon first time in three and half years. his twin sister loved it. the other set of twin boys where hard work and my son kept trying to take over dealing with them. everyone said it was a great day. but ever since all ive wanted is to be dead saw my counsellor today , and gone over stuff in my head tonight and realised he reminds me so much of my mother . the beatings i had as a child from her ,and then not being able to stop him three and half years ago because i just frooze thinking it was her .just wish i was dead.
kidmad kidmad
41-45, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

Please keep seeing your counsellor. Also take time for yourself. Try to relax somewhere. A quite place to think about the positive things in your life. I take a sheet of paper and in the top left corner I write *Feelings: then I put everything down on paper that is brothering me at the time. I unload everything in my head. For example....I am feeling lonely, angry, upset. etc. until there is nothing more to write. Then a line down I write my name and then I begin to answer everything above. I use the third person so it may start like this.....please just relax. Try to calm down. Then out of no where the suggestions begin to form in my head and I neatly write them down. Helpful thoughts some I had not even thought of before. I am always surprised at the answers I come up with and the calmness that comes over me. I have been doing this for many years. When the pressure builds up out comes the pen and paper. You can also do it on an IPad or computer. I think it works because you unload your mind, clear your mind out and then when your mind is free and clear great thoughts and suggestion start to flow. Sometimes I am so surprised at what is written, often not even the way I would normally say or write it... I wonder where it came from. Of course from me...But....anyway give it a go.
N

thank you I will try , I really appreciate you spending the time to give me your advice haven't got a lot of people around to give help. Its allways people needing me.