I'm Tired Of Life Right Now

I am feeling pretty tired of life. It seems like there is no getting ahead. I've worked pretty hard to get to where I am, and I usually feel like it was for nothing.

Four years ago, my parents filed for bankruptcy. There were so many houses that were bankrupt at the time that they were able to squat in it for a while before getting kicked out. I was in college getting myself in debt, trying to manage working for my dad's construction company while I attended school and was the student president, haha. Fall of '08 I got word from my mother that my dad had terminal cancer. It was a pretty big blow. He died a year and a half later while I was finishing up my Master's degree. The last time I saw him, the cancer spread to his brain, and he could only communicate in growns. I had to help him to the bathroom where he would cry as he tried unsuccessfully to urinate.

After he passed, I kind of went off the deep end. I don't sleep around, but I was doing that and a whole host of other things I shouldn't have been doing. I honestly don't know how I didn't die from stress. I finished my degree, got a great girlfriend and a job, and things seemed great.

I am always looked at by my family for support, but lately I haven't been able to give it to them because it is mentally exhausting. My girlfriend wants to move to separate places in a few months because I am open to the possibility of kids and she is not. She needs time to 'collect' herself. We never argue or fight, but I feel like this is the beginning of the end for that. I am just tired of it being family related, finance related, or personal life related all the time. I'm sick of life, and I would really just like the check out at the earliest opportunity. Unfortunately, I can't. I couldn't do that because it would break my family, and I would never do that to them. So, I'm stuck. Woohoo.
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Oh wow, I really feel for you! I can roughly guess your age bracket and you sound like a great young guy with so much going for you, it's just so sad that life can cause us all to get so disillusioned. My son is 22 and attempting his 2nd year at a University degree for the 3rd time this year! He has not had to go through all the horrible things you have and I've probably sheltered him too much, therefore he slacked off as it's all just too easy for him. But I did it because his father has always worked away from home and him and my daughter appear to have suffered from it, although they never let it show at the time. She ran off with a loser and got addicted to drugs! It hurt like hell when I found out, especially as she had been lying to us for almost a year and getting large amounts of money to support what she was up to! She is over it now thankfully, but still battling to get back on her feet.
As for you, I feel that someone better is waiting just around the corner if your girlfriend is not up for getting too serious anymore. When one door closes, another one opens! I feel so bad for you that everyone turns to you for support, but just hang in there. You have gained yourself a qualification through the worst of times, you have become the backbone of the family and even though that must be damn hard at your age, they must truly love and appreciate you for it. Your turn will come. Just keep on smiling and look for little things to do every day that make YOU happy. Even if it's just watching the sun rise or set (if you like that sort of thing)... it does wonders for my soul. I have lots and lots of baggage of my own which I will not go into, but we get by. You will get stronger and more resilient as you go and good things will come to you. Keep believing :) I hope you get my post as you might not be checking anymore.

Although my father died last year of cancer, I don't really have similar experiences as you, but alas, I am feeling just tired of life right now, just thought I'd drop a post.