Trying to decide where to post my story and realized that ugliness is always there- other problem rise up then lessen, but being ugly remains. I was sexually abused as a child by my mother- led to believe it was because I was ugly and no man would want me. I did find a man to love me, but was infertile- once gain, less a person- ugly and infertile. I developed agoraphobia and PTSD and just started retreating from the world. I got divorced. Now I am 60, still isolated and afraid to seek companionship because of the pervasive ugliness. I have a couple of friends- and wonder, how can they stand to look at me? I try to ignore it, but sometime feel like someone is playing a sick joke on me when I look in the mirror. At work, we have to have ID pictures taken- I feel so much shame on that day- like all of what's wrong with me (the sexual abuse etc) can be seen on the outside in my ugliness. "Ugly girls deserve sexual abuse"- somewhere I learned that. Why am I writing? I so much need to connect with just one person. Thanks for listening.