Landlocked

I dont know what Im doing here, I need to get stuff off my chest but I dont want the few friends I do have to know that my life sucks and I hate to say it but it does.   And I think im making someone elses life unhappy too.. It is like we are two eagles with our talons locked  spiraling downwards out of control.    We met on a beach in Hawaii haveing both lost our homes do to tweeker land lords, so we decide to live in a van together and cruise the north shore, wich was real fun untill we ran out of money and got sick of living four inches from each other.  We start to fight alot.  I get a shiner.  I call my mom and get small funds and I move to maui.  so I move to maui, and stay with a good friend.   Then he calls and wants to know what maui is like, i tell him its great.   so he flies to maui.  b4 i can interject, cus i was at work, my old friend invites him to stay with us too.   ****! we just got away from each other,  but I only spoke good of him so old friend didnt know we were having problems.   so he come stay with me and old friend.  and he starts getting up my **** about how im leading my life, we start fighting... old friend kicks us both out. we go rent a room together b/c nither of us can afford one on our own.  we stay fighting.  about a year of **** he finally leaves the island.  But then he gets a job  and buys me an $800 plane ticket  to come go on tour to see music..  $800 is twice what i would pay to fly from hawaii.    So i feel bad, after all it was my idea at one point that we go do music.   so i flew out last summer to go see music for the summer.   end of summer comes  we have a few grand in our pocket.. as soon as he find out i want to go back to hawaii,  he spent all the money on something really Stupid.  Then I cant leave.   I cant go home cus my 40yo ex con half brother lives at home.    so he convinces me to barrow money from dad so we can move out west.  the ******* economic crash hits and we are both out of jobs for 6 months.  ive barrowed from relitives to keep afloat.   We fight all the time. He always tells me how unhappy i make him.  He throws stuff at my head, im always banged up. we cant stand each other.  and he always tells me he wants me out of his life.  Duh thats why i flew to maui and left you on oahu,  and if you werent such an *** you would have let me go back to hawaii when the summer was over when we had the money.    now im broke i owe my family lots of money, even tho he agreed to pay half back to my family.. and he wants me to pack up my car and my pet and just leave.  its not like i can drive to hawaii even if i could i owe too much to my fam, it would be disrespectful!     I am just so unhappy  last night he squirted ketchup on me while i was in the shower, and shut the water off and threw my towel in the toilet!   Ive been stuck on the mainland with him for over a year, I had only intended on staying three months!!   I wish i never left hawaii, i am so stupid for ever leaving. now my life is a big mess and i get hurt all the time, im not really strong enough to defend my self, but i wont shut my big mouth either, cus im not afraid.  but i always get clocked one of these days ima get really really hurt.      I hardly know anyone here, he is like the only person i talk to nowadays, he doesnt permit me to contact my hawaii ppl  b/c HE owes some ******* money there.    I just really wanna go back to hawaii, I wish Id never left!     moral of the story   dont get on a plane just cus someone buys you a ticket and tells you theve changed.  what a ******* stupid moron I am, uugh.  I could have stayed in paradise but i chose this hell.  idiot i am!