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The Simple Things

like introductions, shaking hands, small talk.  I can't do it.  I don't know how.  I am working on it but people must think I am so rude, and I hate that because i don't mean to be rude.  I often realize after the fact how rude I was but then it's too late...I hate this about myself.  I really hate it.

Sometimes I think my boss will fire me because I have so much trouble talking to parents (I work with kids).
eromreven eromreven 26-30 9 Responses Dec 5, 2007

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MissedTheBoat...I read your response once and over again, to let it sink in...this is a true description of me. I always...always want to talk about deeper subjects, and with strangers! I want to know people deeply. I can say nothing more than that this is so very me.

I totally know what you're saying.<br />
Whenever I go to work I never really say hi to anyone and I feel like everyone thinks I don't like them because of it. The cooks are always like "how come you never say hi to us?!" I don't tell them that the reason is because I don't like saying hi to everyone. I just laugh it off and says it's because I'm busy working. Saying hi over and over again to a bunch of different people just gets annoying after a while, I am also kind of shy and feel like I am being judged when I am talking to everyone. But I do think I have gotten better at introductions as I have gotten older and by the jobs I have had..

I understand, people think i am rude for the same reasons. I try making up for it by doing extra nice things for people when I can. Eventually people will realize that you are just being you and don't intend to be rude.

Hi your story struck me, I have never liked small talk,<br />
I muddel thru, somehow, but I love to talk about serious things,but just non issues I like someone commented, I can fake it...:-)

yeah, that makes sense.

I know what you mean, Icy. When I was younger, people often thought that I was rude when I was just EXTREMELY shy. I think that it does get somewhat better with age. Also, if it is work-related, it should get better as you gain confidence in your knowledge base. Does this make sense? I'm not sure that I'm communicating what it is that I am trying to say.

I don't want a different job. I need to be in these situations, as much as I hate it, so that I'll get better at it. I don't know, though. I've gotten somewhat better about it, I guess.

You should probably get a different job anyway if you don't like talking to people.

I can fake it. I can seem genuine and intrigued by small talk and pleasantries. On the inside, my soul is slowly dying. I want to cut through the formalities and find the heart and soul of the person who I am in the presence of. What is that dirty little secret they keep while they smile like it doesn't exist? What trauma has caused them to be standing just here, just now, just like that - a slight tilt to the head, leaning on their dominant leg, speaking with that cold-tone, and laughing unnaturally at my pithy jokes? How do they see me? How do they see the world?<br />
<br />
And then we part, knowing nothing more than the hard-facts: my hand is abnormally cold against hers; her eyes look past me, not at me; I'm goliath next to her; she's quiet. The hard facts tell us so little unless we are inlined to look deeper and understand that we mustn't take them for what they are.