I Was And Will Always Be That Weird Girl You Don't Like.

I already made a post here...but.

All my life, I was the quiet, shy girl who was awkward and didn't like to talk. Thinking back on it, lots of people were nice to my face but teased me behind my back or said bad things about me.
I even remember girls would talk to me just to mess with me. Guys would say mean things to their friends and sometimes directly to me.
Thinking about the past hurts me so much that my heart and chest hurts but I can't stop.

In elementary school, I was hoping middle school would be different. In middle school, I hoped high school would be different.
I can't really recall ever truly being happy and carefree during elementary and middle school.

I am still shy, don't talk a lot, and have people who dislike me in high school. I haven't changed much. I also lack adequate social skills when first meeting someone, causing them to dislike me. Like not saying hi in the halls, etc. My mind is just preoccupied with other things though.

Additionally, I honestly, have not been truly happy for a day in months.

I would just like to ask someone to read this and give me hope, advice, nice words. Anything.
feaar feaar
18-21, F
4 Responses Jul 10, 2010

Low intelligence is usually the last thing associated with Asperger's syndrome. I think it may have something to do with pressure (time limits on tests, etc.). <br />
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I can relate to most of what's feaar has said, though my experiences have been a bit more self-embarrassing (trying to get in on conversations and saying something very wrong). I suppose it is better to have tried and failed then have never tried but that can backfire sometimes...

been there did that got a lynx can and lighter to my face as a outsider being from anopther country to move to ireland and being a anime geek who isnt the smartest have really crappy grades due to a low intellegence and having aspergers syndrome i know who u feel it can be tough

I know what you mean about the 'not saying hi' part. It's hard to put effort into people that you aren't sure even give a crap for you when so many people have been so mean before. The truth is nobody is perfect, we just gotta retrain our brains sometimes. Difficult!!! :-(

Hi Feaar, <br />
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It's really hard being an outsider as a teen. When I was in high school, I was the one that was always made fun of and only had one friend. I never was invited to a party, and was even teased by some of my teachers to get a laugh out of the popular kids. OMG, it really hurt. I understand how you feel. <br />
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Here's my experience...I graduated high school over 30 years ago. The 12 years of being in the public school were the hardest part of my life, and I have been through A LOT. Have you ever thought of home schooling? <br />
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Please be careful though, because of the way we were treated in school, it may affect your self worth. When I was 18 I married an abusive guy, because that was all I knew, and stayed with him 14 years. Please don't fall into that trap...I am now married to a great guy, one who is as socially awkward as I am, and I have never been happier. <br />
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Maybe what you need is a way to learn how to deal with your feelings of loneliness and alienation. If you look at my story, you will see what I did. I can't really recommend it, because I have to admit I am not the poster child for mental health, but who is? <br />
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Basically, all I am saying is once High School is over with, you will be rid of these idiots, and you have a lot to look forward to. It does get better! Seriously, think about the home schooling..my son was teased and was in the same situation we were and I took him out of school, it was the best thing I ever did. We went through American School which is located in Chicago, and he graduated high school in 6 months, and started college at 13. <br />
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My heart goes out to you.