Wish I Wasn't

All my life i wish i wasnt so awkward. Throught every single year of school -elementary through college i struggled with this.  always an outsider. never felt like i belonged .i was extremely shy back then. never said anything to anybody. ive never gotten over the shyness really. at work its tough. everybody is pretty friendly with each other: except with me. its not that theyre mean to me, they just ignore me .when i walk in the room, i feel invisible. no one looks at me. no one speaks.but the next person comes in after me, its all smiles and hey how are you , etc. i cant blame them though. in all fairness most of my co-workers have tried to talk to me, but i think theyve all given up on me and assume im some uppity *****. that couldnt be farther from the truth. i have the biggest heart. i just dont know how to talk to people. i never have anything to say when someone is making small talk. and i get so nervous, i always act like im in a big rush and cant stop to talk. in my head im shouting to myself "stop walking away! stay and talk! say something!" but i cant do it. Im so lonely.and lately its really been bothering me more than normal. i dont have any friends! NONE! I dont go anywhere . It makes me so depressed to see everyone else having fun with their friends, family,spouses,etc. i dont even have family to talk to. i dont have a family thats close. Maybe thats where this problem started. im just real torn up about this cause i feel like ive missed out on so much in life, and im scared that im going to always be alone.
jshirlnita jshirlnita
46-50, F
6 Responses Aug 3, 2010

I am socially awkward too. I stayed at ajob that I wasn't particularly happy with because the prospect of having to meet a new group of people seemed so daunting. I actually don't want any friends at work. I prefer to remain on professional terms with my coworkers. I can and do take part in small talk and some social rituals but I don't like anyone too close to me. I also dislike parties alot. Work parties are hard for me. i think my colleagues wonder why I don't go, I've made so many excuse throughout the years that I'm not really expected to go. I just don't know what to say when there isn't something specific to talk about...like work. I am starting a new job in September, oddly enough I'm feeling liberated. Now I won't be as expected to interact being the newbie and all

thanks cloop for responding.Actually it never occured to me to be upfront and tell someone that my problem is just shyness and nothing else. maybe that would make me feel more comfortable if they understood me . thanks!

It's tough when those around us seem to interact so easily. As for small talk - it just makes me feel false and ridiculous.<br />
The suggestions from Matheus may help, and sometimes I just tell people that I'm not great at the social stuff. They then know that I'm not being aloof or superior - just shy. But I am careful about who I divulge that to, because some people are just too ignorant to understand it.<br />
Maybe you can try to open up to the least scary people around you? :-)

Thank you Mattheus for your comments! I will try your advice and ask more questions when im speaking to someone. I just get so anxious that it makes it difficult. But im definitely going to try. Thanks!

In part I understand this, because I usually have more problems talking to men than to women. I have always had difficulty in knowing how much talk is enough without compromising the job itself. Normally, I would tend to be the type of person who would just go to my desk and work without saying anything to anybody. <br />
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I have learned that such behavior is perceived in a negative light, and so I have tried to modify my behavior. Maybe you can try asking about the person you are talking to, such as:<br />
"How are you today?" <br />
"How was your weekend?",<br />
"What do you like to do on the weekends?", <br />
"What kind of music do you like?"<br />
<br />
Maybe you can buy a candy jar, fill it with chocolates or other tempting treats, and put it on your desk, and let people know that they can feel free to take some. It may help to break the ice, so to speak.

I feel almost exactly the same as you. I hate socialising in groups and am only comfortable with friends I have known for a long time. I have moved about a lot and currently have no friends where I live now. I hate going out on my own and seeing people all around me having fun with family and friends. My family also live too far away for me to see often and they are to busy with their own lives to be bothered about me. <br />
<br />
It has caused me considerable problems at work and I even left my last job partly because of this (I have worked in a number of places and these were the worst bunch of people I've ever met). I have to force myself to make small talk with people, however for me some of the time I find this quite boring so that may be part of the problem too! I think they see me as quite aloof and uppity sometimes but really it is just shyness. I worry about every thing I say and how they will judge me. I was bullied at school for being quiet and a high achiever. Sometimes I feel like I'm being bullied all over again in the workplace.