Wish I Wasn't
All my life i wish i wasnt so awkward. Throught every single year of school -elementary through college i struggled with this. always an outsider. never felt like i belonged .i was extremely shy back then. never said anything to anybody. ive never gotten over the shyness really. at work its tough. everybody is pretty friendly with each other: except with me. its not that theyre mean to me, they just ignore me .when i walk in the room, i feel invisible. no one looks at me. no one speaks.but the next person comes in after me, its all smiles and hey how are you , etc. i cant blame them though. in all fairness most of my co-workers have tried to talk to me, but i think theyve all given up on me and assume im some uppity *****. that couldnt be farther from the truth. i have the biggest heart. i just dont know how to talk to people. i never have anything to say when someone is making small talk. and i get so nervous, i always act like im in a big rush and cant stop to talk. in my head im shouting to myself "stop walking away! stay and talk! say something!" but i cant do it. Im so lonely.and lately its really been bothering me more than normal. i dont have any friends! NONE! I dont go anywhere . It makes me so depressed to see everyone else having fun with their friends, family,spouses,etc. i dont even have family to talk to. i dont have a family thats close. Maybe thats where this problem started. im just real torn up about this cause i feel like ive missed out on so much in life, and im scared that im going to always be alone.