Social Awkward, As Deemed By My Analytical Brain

I know exactly how you feel. I have developed a twitch in my eye and lose sleep. I try of think of how a person is going to react even if i say hello. I am hoping therapy is going to help but iam scared of therapy. I have a child and worry about what i am showing her how to avoid people. I cant go to church tried and i am thinking god can never love someone like me

Its horrible and a vicious circle. I tried so long to fix myself and think it out but i keep having these horrible anxiety attacks from overthinking. I totally blame myself for every little thing.

When I'm talking one on one with someone, I worry that I'm boring them to death and that they'd rather be talking to someone else. I like when I'm part of a group, only because it takes some of the pressure off to keep a conversation going. But, if it's a large group, I start getting anxious when I realize that everyone else has said something and I still haven't said a word. it starts to feel like anything i say at that point will seem ridiculous ("she hasn't said anything in 30 minutes, and THAT'S what she decided to chime in with??" or something like that)



Garden hose, I like that. Guess I'm trying to work out my kinks too, before they're rusted in place!

I was going to post my own story but this one pretty much covers all bases, though my childhood was quite positive. My parents are good people who care for my brother and I. They tried to expose us to all that life has to offer as much as they could, never the less, I'm introverted, have low self-esteem, and I'm socially awkward. Since summer of 2010 I've been trying to learn as much as I can about a genetic trait that has been coined "highly sensitive personality" (HSP). For me, this trait has defined the root of all my difficulties in life. I seem to be able to judge peoples' personalities and intentions with a more than moderate degree of accuracy. Do you ever catch yourself picking up on people's behaviors and mannerisms, usually the little things that most people don't notice? One of many side effects of HSP is over stimulation of the nervous system; usually crowds of people--friends/family or strangers--over stimulate the nervous system with sounds, smells, visuals...anything the human body is capable of sensing. This barrage of sensory input forces the brain to process everything you're taking in around you, essentially putting you in a kind of "observer" mode, in an attempt to sort it all out.



I've always felt "different," and the more I learn about myself, the more out of place I feel in society. I feel trapped in an endless void, all the people I've known my entire life are virtually strangers, unaware of the impact of every breath they take, every emotion they feel, and so on.



I wonder if anyone will read this and discover something they never thought possible. As I've learned from quantum mechanics, the very nature of existence changes just by having a thought, so why can't emotions do the same, just as a drop of water sends ripples across the surface of a pond...



I guess I'm just trying to put socially awkward behavior in a different perspective. I don't like to think of it as "awkward," just different.

I know what ya mean. I had a pretty good upbringing, so I don't share that with you, but I feel like a one on one conversation is awesome, and I usually feel like I sound smart and funny. But the second a third person is involved I become like a statue for no reason. I don't like to inturrupt people, and everyone seems too imposing of thier own views they never seem to care what others think. So I just stay quite. And then when i'm quite I start analyzing the whole situation. like how people look at me or eachother. And start to guess at what they are thinking. And it usually goes down a pretty bad road from there.