Always on the sidelines

So I feel like I'm always that person sitting on the sidelines, the person who doesn't quite fit in.

You know how most people can find someone to relate to wherever they go? How they can go up to a random person, start talking, make friends with them practically instantaneously? Yeah, not really who I am.

I don't really know why this is, but I have a difficult time "clicking" with people. I try to be friendly, I try to smile, I try to come up with topics of conversation, but my attempts to converse normally don't usually work out...

I think part of the problem is that I'm too introverted. It's difficult for me to share things about myself in real life, I guess I've never really learned /how/ to share things about myself with other people.

It's not only that, though. My personality seems to get lost a lot of the time. I know I have a personality, it's just that it's hard to retrieve sometimes because of lack of use. The most I can do now, I guess, is to not pass up opportunities to talk with others and to be gentle on myself. In other words, to not beat myself up over not being as socially adept as the people I see around me. I need to take steps to gradually improve my social skills, even when I'm not entirely sure what areas I need improvement on.

One day at a time, right?
livingalie1 livingalie1
22-25, F
10 Responses Oct 10, 2011

being social isnt always that great alot of times it can just backfire i guess its ok for the times it doesent which is rare

Patience ^^ There are too many people on this planet for no one to click with your personality ^^ Give it some time, join a few social websites if needed, tell people your difficulty with social situation and people will understand ^^


This is exactly how I am and how I feeeel.

"Earth tone is a color scheme that draws from a color palette of browns, tans, greys, greens, oranges, whites, and some reds. The colors in an earth tone scheme are muted and flat in an emulation of the natural colors found in soil, moss, trees and rocks. Many earth tones originate from clay earth pigments, such as umber, ochre, and sienna."<br />
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Some of us have earthy tone personalities that get drowned out by vibrant colored personalities. It doesn't make us any "less" than vibrant personalities. Just different. More subtle. Not giving everything away up front. Its not a weakness. Its hard to be social and I personally did not become moderately socially adept until I accidentally stumbled into a role with a great deal of social interaction. Its tough to see other people being involved in a deep and engaging conversation in the middle of a hallway at school and NOT wonder whats wrong with me for not being able to do the same. In cases like this and its something I've also dealt with I say play to your strengths. Make a few super close friends and have them with you in various situations in order to get you used to the environment and people whenever you can. It's not a BAD thing to have patience and taking it slow when it comes to trusting others.

Amazing! you've just told my story.I dont know about your social skills but you are a lucid writer.

You're definitely not alone, for the most part, I'm exactly the same way. I rarely click with people, biggest difference is it's because most people have a hard time processing my personality, rather than not being able to see it. In some ways, I'm a little.. Out there, and it's gonna be worse now that I stopped caring so much about what people think, it gets much easier when you can just laugh about it. You should try it :]

A lot of people are the same way. Perhaps things didn't go well during some social encounter or maybe others laughed at them. As a result, they become introverted and put up walls.<br />
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I can totally relate. I was at a party last month and only knew two people. When they were busy, I just stood there by myself. A couple of people felt sorry for me, and came over to talk, but that didn't last long.<br />
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I agree with your approach. Getting out more and talking to more people will certainly help. <br />
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"Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new." - Brian Tracy

I like your optimism :) It's just one day at a time!<br />
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But to be honest, I'm pretty introverted in person as well. There are times where I just jump in and hope for the best, although my awkwardness usually comes out eventually. I have found however, that I do better in smaller groups than larger ones. And on top of that I'm usually pretty oblivious to body yeah, that makes it harder for me ^^;; Like you said, one day at a time :)<br />
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Although, I've found the core of the matter is more about having confidence in who you are rather than being concerned with what others think. Sure, for those of us who are socially awkward it may be hard to "click" with someone, our attempts at conversation may fail from time to time. But with every "click", and with every good conversation we have, it shows us that we can do it :) It just takes us a little longer.<br />
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Just be yourself, after all, no one can tell you that you're doing it wrong :)

I'm very much the same way. Always on the sidelines and always a closed book to other people. I wish that I had your optimism about gradually improving your social skills. I hope that you can do it and can beat this awkwardness that you seem to have. For me, I feel that it's been ingrained in me for too long to really come out of my shell (well, without large amounts of alcohol anyway :P).