My name is Sandra. I am 18 years old and currently a freshman in college. I have no idea when this started. Probably when I moved to a new school in 8th grade. I never thought it was anything serious and that i would grow out of it, but it really started affecting me. I was a loner all the way from 8th grade till now actually. I would always worry about the next day specially if there was some kind of presentation that i had to give in school. It was very serious that I would actually think about killing myself! But I wouldn't dare so sometimes i would pretend to be sick to stay at home to avoid those situations. It does make me frustrated because I feel so lonely at times. The only friends I have are those from when I was a kid and well they've moved on and I don't really talk to them as much anymore. About 2 years ago I joined a youth group in my church. I was hoping to make new friends but it was so hard for me since most of them already knew each other from long ago. They will try to talk to me but like always I would go blank and couldn't keep conversation going. I worried about being judged or them thinking I was boring. Soon they just stopped trying to talk to me. One day my mom told me to loosen up and quit being so shy because those people thought I didn't like them or something. That really got to me because I don't want people thinking of me that way either. Soon I became comfortable and didn't care if I was alone. That's something I'm actually glad of because I know i can carry on on my own while others can't and need support from others. I've become independent and have learned to just cope with it but sometimes i wish i could be different and have more friends because i do feel lonely at times.