The Consequences Of Being Socially AwkwardGrowing up, my social skills were virtually nonexistent. Nobody noticed, except for my intelligence, that I was borderline aspergers and suffered from anxiety. I used to pray to be somebody else / somewhere else, as if that would have helped (and furthermore convinced me of a malignant god or a nonexistent one). Some may think that being socially awkward is a cute geek trait like the fantasies on Big Bang Theory. It is not, especially for those of us who are aware what we are missing out on, seeing the flow of normal life around us. We become our worst enemies, even reflexively denying the opportunities presented to us.
Luckily I met a wonderful woman who helped me socially, taught me a lot. But now, as age and stress catches up with me, simple things trigger almost a PTSD like response of remembering with a clarity of emotion the rejection after rejection after rejection. The hate and bitterness and anger impact my relationship with my spouse, and this is probably one contributing factor of her being a refuser and things become self-amplifying. I hope we can work things out. Being socially awkward, unless one comes to terms with the past, can damage relationships.
And, worse can happen. I am friends with a couple who together must have been even more socially awkward than me. Their son growing up with physical and emotional problems was socially awkward. He never seemed to believe he belonged anywhere, certainly not in any social circle at his schools. I cannot speak to the reason, but this brilliant young man committed suicide and it was a very sad day for me to be a witness to his funeral.
The response of people, our peers, to those of us who are or were socially awkward does impact our lives. A pity that those who so callously ignore us have no empathy.
GTR1400 61-65, M 2 Responses 4 Jun 26, 2012