The Consequences Of Being Socially Awkward

Growing up, my social skills were virtually nonexistent. Nobody noticed, except for my intelligence, that I was borderline aspergers and suffered from anxiety.  I used to pray to be somebody else / somewhere else, as if that would have helped (and furthermore convinced me of a malignant god or a nonexistent one).  Some may think that being socially awkward is a cute geek trait like the fantasies on Big Bang Theory.  It is not, especially for those of us who are aware what we are missing out on, seeing the flow of normal life around us.  We become our worst enemies, even reflexively denying the opportunities presented to us.

Luckily I met a wonderful woman who helped me socially, taught me a lot.  But now, as age and stress catches up with me, simple things trigger almost a PTSD like response of remembering with a clarity of emotion the rejection after rejection after rejection.  The hate and bitterness and anger impact my relationship with my spouse, and this is probably one contributing factor of her being a refuser and things become self-amplifying.  I hope we can work things out.  Being socially awkward, unless one comes to terms with the past, can damage relationships.

And, worse can happen.  I am friends with a couple who together must have been even more socially awkward than me.  Their son growing up with physical and emotional problems was socially awkward.  He never seemed to believe he belonged anywhere, certainly not in any social circle at his schools.  I cannot speak to the reason, but this brilliant young man committed suicide and it was a very sad day for me to be a witness to his funeral.

The response of people, our peers, to those of us who are or were socially awkward does impact our lives.  A pity that those who so callously ignore us have no empathy.
GTR1400 GTR1400
61-65, M
2 Responses Jun 26, 2012

Hey! Funny because many socially awkward people are actually pretty intelligent. My cousin's cousin is so socially awkward, that time when he came to my house(which was a different country from his), to take a local A level examination, he stayed for 4 days but did not even speak more than 10 sentences to us. But the test result came out and he was first in the whole batch of students, he graduated from some esteemed university and immediately became an assistant professor. Like wow.
Not that I am as intelligent as him, but I am obviously less socially awkward than him haha. Though I suspect it was not at all "awkward" for him, just that he really does not like to interact much.
Actually I quite like to interact with people, I like to smile, like to talk to them. But I have such little social skills, even with my extended family sometimes I feel like a mute, which really sucks. I have recently been reading a lot of self help books, and praying about my situation.
Hope you overcome it one day too! God bless you!

I am so sorry for your friends' loss. I lost my brother, who I always saw to be socially gifted yet who always seemed to feel like an outsider, in the same way. If people knew the devastating impact rejection can have on such good, brilliant, sensitive individuals, maybe things would be different. <br />
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I do hope you and your spouse are able to work things out. An understanding partner who knows our flaws and loves us anyway is the most beautiful gift any of us could ever hope to receive.