I Just Don't Like Talking to People

How sad is that?  I don't like having to pay attention to the thread of a conversation.  My mind just keeps jumping around to other subjects or fixating on one subject and not moving along with the flow.  I have a terrible habit of interjecting with something so off topic people look at me like I'm crazy.  And that's just the talking part.

I feel like I misread body cues.  You know, I can't tell if a person is just being friendly with me or flirting, if they are just stand-offish or really don't like me.  I used to think I was pretty good at reading people, but it seemed a lot of people really didn't like me, and then my mom said I was paranoid.  So now I have the added bonus of not trusting myself to know whether someone likes me.

So really, I just stopped talking to people.  I'll fake it if they seem really desperate for conversation, but otherwise, I'd rather not.

somewhatlost somewhatlost 26-30, F 13 Responses Sep 5, 2008

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For me I just think I have a mixture of ADD and bad experiences. In the past I have been made funof and criticized by my parents. Perhaps being given a higher IQ than my dad was seen as a threat? Who knows or cares. So I just focus on my practice and my "to do list." I can speak to anyone for 60 seconds but quickly run out of ideas of where to go from there. Awkward silence all too familiar. Wish I could be better as I am a bad example for my kids. Has anyone ever heard of techniques to be better conversant ? Heck, just learning to fake it better would be okay by me. Curious what anyone thinks.

Why does not being particularly interested in other people need to have some kind of label attached to it? I think that if most people were honest, they would admit that they socialise because "it is the thing to do" rather than because they enjoy it (probably the same with going to church). Mostly after 'socialising' they go home and criticise the other people that they've been with or find them a pain but feel they have to remain 'friends' because they are worried what others might think about them if they admit they prefer their own company. Anyone can socialise if they choose to play the game, but some of us prefer not to. 'Friends' can be hard work. (Asperger's syndrome has other symptoms apart from not socialising, such as lack of imagination. People who suffer from AS cannot socialise whereas some people choose not to. There is a difference.)

You might have Aspergers syndrome. Research it.

If you ever have to make conversation with someone, humour's the way to go. The darker the better.

I myself have given up on the whole fundamental connection with people entirely. When you make them laugh, they're less inclined to shoot you. Unless of course, the joke's at their expense..

I am the same way 'cuz ppl do not like me either.

No apologies necessary. I randomly visit from time to time and still get emails when someone comments. I have never been diagnosed with any kind of physical reason for my social woes. And I'm happy to say that therapy has been helping a lot. Good luck to you.

Is it possible you have Asperger's like me? I know this thread is very old, sorry.

What you have described is me.. I think there is a lot of people on Earth that deal with things in anger, like me. You are not really worried about what it is they are thinking, saying or doing. It's anger because you know that because you are who you are, you are probably getting talked about. It's not self-delusion, you said it yourself "I look away so much that they can only assume something is wrong". I for one hate to be judged, especially when the judgement is coming from someone who I would consider slime under my boot. The way I have dealt with my "paranoia" is almost the same as you... I talk about the things I actually want to talk about with those that I want to talk about it with, but I used to be "**** you, Human!" lol. It wasn't helping... Just be you, fear not what they have to say and find the happy place for you. Don't forget, it is always good to show just how mad you are.. they will think you are crazy but at least they know :P

I would say its 99% anxiety, and now that you've had a few bad experiences, its also fear. I would try again or practice in small sized social settings, where you already know the people. Try ways to stop or reduce your anxiety. A shot of Grey Goose, works wonders for me.


I know you posted this story ages ago, but I hope you still look at the comments. I can so totally relate to what you have said. See my story in "I want to be a good listener" - it is very similar to what you have said here! I also thought I had a problem with paranoia when I was younger, in fact some would say its still an issue for me! I actually had an argument once with a firend of a friend where I basically argued that paranoia is a higher form of perception! Don't know about that now :) I used to have A LOT of trouble looking people in the eye when talking to them. I felt as though my eyes would pierce as hole in their head if I did not look away! Then of course when you look away all the time, they reallly do think something is wrong. Ha ha. Sorry, I know its not really funny, but it is amusing to see that I am not the only one.

i know how you feel. sometimes people just talk for hours and never say a single thing worth saying. when i do speak it means something and i take pride in the fact that i just dont mindlessly converse for hours with nothing really going on.

i'm not good with people either--deep down at least. i can sure put on a good show, though. but it simply doesn't come naturally to me.

If you care to, you might want to take a course in body langugue. It would help. Also, your mind jumping around a lot may be a sign of Post Truamatic Stress Disorder or Bi-polar. I am PSTD and a very low dose of an anxiety drug has helped my concentration a lot. Of course, if your happy the way you are, then don't worry about what other people say and hang out with people you like and feel comfortable with. There is too much stress on being liked and conforming. You are the one that needs to like you. If there is something you don't like, fix it. But do it for yourself because you're never going to be able to please everyone. Please yourself. Good luck.