I Feel Like An Alien In Social Situations...

I am articulate, I am funny, I am attractive, but I feel like a total alien in social situations, especially when I don't know the people in the room  or I don't want to be around them.

I coordinated our office  party for Christmas and I just couldn't wait to leave.  Everyone wanted to dance the night away.  I was cool just chillin in a corner. I was. Everyone was asking why aren't you dancing. I kept having to defend myself...i'm ok.  No really I am.  That made me feel really uncomfortable.  I sure it looked pretty bad, especially since I'm a manager,  but I bolted the first chance I got.    I am not one to get too physically close to people I work with.  Most of all I question their intentions. Do they want to dance with me or do they want to dance with me to say that they did and talk about it over gossip the next day.  It's kinda like that there...gosh I hate that.

In another situation: I went to an award ceremony for some colleagues of mine just to give some good ole support.  After the formal part of the function it was time for cocktails.  The only people I knew were the awardees and fellow colleagues.  Well I spoke to my colleagues and the awardees and i wanted to talk to the other people but I just didn't know what to do.  Do I just go over to strangers and introduce myself, do I wait to be introduced.  Which is appropriate? Of course after I while I just left, without meeting any new people.  I was disappointed.

I want to an like meeting new people but I don't know how to? Single, lately I find myself alone a bit more than i would like and I don't want to go to events alone cause I wouldn't know what to do? 

I feel like I should know how to carry myself in any social situation especially at this stage in my life. However I feel like an alien every time.

shydiva shydiva
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 7, 2010

I am 40 years old and my SA seems to be getting worse. I was never one to mingle but I didn't dread the social situations when I was younger like I do now. I went to a wedding in March. It was my wife's best friend who lives 2 hours away. I had never met her husband and knew only a few people in her family. We were supposed to sit with the ones we knew but, through a mix up, we ended up at a table with the groom's ba<x>seball buddies and their wives. Very nice people but when you're sitting with a group of close friends it's really hard to join in conversation. Dinner was OK but when the dance started - my wife loves to dance, me not so much - I found myself alone at the table. Worse, they kept the lights on so I felt everyone was looking at me and judging me. I think that is the most awkward I have ever felt. We ended up leaving at 10:30. I was ashamed. Went to another wedding last week for a work friend so I knew more people. It was better but it seems that nobdy wants to talk to me unless they are at my table. Then it's fine. But I can't bring myself to walk over to someone's table and sit down to talk. Even people I've worked with for years. It's getting depressing. I have no real friends which is OK most of the time because I like neing with my family. But sometimes I want to go out with the boys...but I have no boys.

Your not the only person like that, Well everybody or 99% of people in this group is socialy awkward, I don't like socialising or understand certain social cues on how to act or what do, I get called arogant, rude, selfish etc but the simple fact is, I just don't know what is and isn't apropriate or what is or isn't a big deal. It's Ironic that we can all talk to strangers online though. sorry that just kinda makes me laugh.

I've the same experiences.. I was attending a 2-day seminar with my colleague, only 2 of us. My colleague is worse than me, I can initiate conversation and do small talks. On the 1st day, he went home after the tea time due to intense social situation. I realized I was alone. I try to talk to people, but none of them lasts for more than 5 minutes. People whom I talked to tend to walk away, the reason I can think of is I didn't give enough responds to continue the conversation flow. I was nervous and didn't know what to do. Eventually, I gave up and went home without thinking of coming back to the 2nd day session.

Your not alone in this type of SA. I too can talk to a stranger, give presentations, etc. but in social settings (parties) I tend to pull away. I can do some small talk about things, but get very awkward and fidgety if the topic changes to me. PM if you would like to chat more, like you I canuse more friends and others who understand SA.