Think Obsessively About My Social Akwardness

hey, i need to get this out -- 

i became fully aware of my social akwardness about 4 years ago, and i have had off and on bouts of depression in relation to this problem since..  originally i figured that i must be and introvert and that is why i experience social akwardness, but since i have become suspicious that im just too serious and don't have enough humor.

 

im just so frustrated because i feel like my lack of social skills is holding me back from living the life i want to live, but i cant do anything about it -- its not for lack of trying..!  so what do you do?

i have taken risks even after having had really painful situations regarding being social, for example i went to work overseas for three months with someone...  and then it ends up being another painful experience, because of my social akwardness.

so again, what do i do?

i often feel guilty as in i must have done something wrong to feel so akward/not fit in, and also like im always having to try and trick people that im 'normal'.

i know how pitiful and self indulgent it is to say this, but, what did i do to deserve this??  im only 22, am i going to live my whole life feeling this way?

frustratedandwhatodo frustratedandwhatodo
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 8, 2010

Holy ****, I saw your title and I thought you were me. I do the same thing all the time. I try to be social and it backfires all the time.