Would A Better Title Make You Look?
I never know what to say to people, constantly worried what they're thinking about me. Oh they must think I'm a right ugly/loser/freak/idiot, I can see it in their faces. I hate eye contact. That's the sign of a liar isn't it? I've never been able to talk to people, so I doubt I can be 'cured', it's just the stupid idiotic way I am. I don't understand them, they don't understand me. What do you want me to say? If you're not going to tell me then don't give me that shocked look when I say something "inappropriate". They all seem to talk about such pointless drivel anyway. I can't make myself care about all that crap. Why should I have to? Small talk makes my brain go numb. Big talk makes my eyes take on a glazed appearance... Mind goes blank.. "Sorry, what did you say?" Nope, still didn't register, what the **** can I reply with? "Heh, that's great, um..." ****, what was great? What did I just say was great? Are they talking about their parents dying?
Apparently I've "got to" be more social, I've "got to" get some confidence, I've "got to" go out. Why have I got to? So I can swim around in mindless conversation with all the other tadpoles? I don't want to be out there. Look around, it's not a ******* picnic. Besides the fact that I've lived this long without being sociable, what do you honestly think is going to change? I find it funny and a little pathetic that my family still think they can lecture me into being 'normal'. This is why I avoid them at all costs. Unless, y'know, there's money involved.
Awkward doesn't cover it. I'm a social cripple.
Now where's my cane?