Would A Better Title Make You Look?

I never know what to say to people, constantly worried what they're thinking about me. Oh they must think I'm a right ugly/loser/freak/idiot, I can see it in their faces. I hate eye contact. That's the sign of a liar isn't it? I've never been able to talk to people, so I doubt I can be 'cured', it's just the stupid idiotic way I am. I don't understand them, they don't understand me. What do you want me to say? If you're not going to tell me then don't give me that shocked look when I say something "inappropriate". They all seem to talk about such pointless drivel anyway. I can't make myself care about all that crap. Why should I have to? Small talk makes my brain go numb. Big talk makes my eyes take on a glazed appearance... Mind goes blank.. "Sorry, what did you say?" Nope, still didn't register, what the **** can I reply with? "Heh, that's great, um..." ****, what was great? What did I just say was great? Are they talking about their parents dying?

Apparently I've "got to" be more social, I've "got to" get some confidence, I've "got to" go out. Why have I got to? So I can swim around in mindless conversation with all the other tadpoles? I don't want to be out there. Look around, it's not a ******* picnic. Besides the fact that I've lived this long without being sociable, what do you honestly think is going to change? I find it funny and a little pathetic that my family still think they can lecture me into being 'normal'. This is why I avoid them at all costs. Unless, y'know, there's money involved.

Awkward doesn't cover it. I'm a social cripple.


Now where's my cane?

newmurderer newmurderer
10 Responses Apr 16, 2010

Just relax. Loosen up and be natural. If you be yourself 'things will just start flowin' ! If they don't then whatever. Just politely move on. If your not the chit chat type try listening instead (just remember to look interested!). If this fails also (although it can be quite effective) remember its not your job to entertain people, they have to contribute too. (unless your having a party of coarse in which case that is the host's job;]: Just be the nice version of u.

I usually find a corner

You make me think of myself when I was younger. I know it seems hopeless, it's worse every time you find yourself in agroup of people and feel unable to come up with anything to say. <br />
I felt part of my problem was I hade no story to share - a consequence of almost no social life...and developed a kind of an inferiority-superiority complex...<br />
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But you need to know the change is possible. It will happen in steps as the brain needs some time to get a bit rewired, so don't give up if you don't change over night. <br />
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Here are the things that each importantly contributed to my transformation...<br />
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1.I let go of thinking I have to say something important when I eventually say something<br />
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2.realising talking has many functions, sharing information often not being what the conversation is all about<br />
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3.I practiced conversing to individual people; the dinamic is very different and people get to confess things to you; you can practice being a good listener by trying to empathise and memorise what they say so next time you can refer to it...<br />
in this type of a conversation you might get a bit more emotionally involved and saying something in response will seem more natural than trying to come up with something in group conversations...<br />
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4. There are other ways of expressing yourself...Expressing yourself in a nonlinguistic way can help open you up. But don't be isolated. I started folk dancing :-), and oriental dancing.<br />
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5. I pushed myself to join a theater group. Acting is great - you learn what you should say by heart - I warmely recommend this.<br />
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Singing in the shower or reciting things is a stree free practice you can do at home :-). Your mouth and brain will get used to talking <br />
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6.Speaking a foreign language!! I learned to speak English Being from a small EU country; The language barrier works wonders!! People appreciate everylittle effort you make to express yourself.<br />
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7. Learn to tell stories...As a teenager I was not able to tell a story longer than three sentences - I would just panic hearing myself talking and my mind would get blank and I would lose a thread. I practiced by telling jokes and by talking about films...<br />
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Take this chalenge live stories you can one day tell your friends about and most of all be kind to yourself.

It's ok not to socialize, if that's what makes you happy, but if you're interested in improving your social skills, then there's no getting past the practice portion of the journey. You sound like a smart, likable person who has a lot of great things go share. Maybe the point of being social isn't so much about you (though you'd undoubtedly grow in ways we may not be able to presently see). Perhaps social interaction is about helping people evolve into more insightful beings. I know it's a tall order! But, you know, you are social... You're here, right? That's a start!

I came across this as I was looking up your profile after a silly comment you made on a question I asked.Having read this experience I find I totally relate 100% with your feelings at social gatherings.I absolutely cringe at the thought of going to one and will do almost anything to get out of it.Really well said,there was me thinking it was me alone who felt like this.Thank you.

People often find me wierd because I would rather read a book or daydream to myself rather than listen to them drone on about insignificant issues that they validate as important. I find that if you dont conform to societies rules of what deems a 'normal' conversation your outcast and isolated and the only solution is to be 'fixed' by society so you conform to their idea of whats normal. I find the best solution is to smile because their stuck conforming to being the lifeless clones of society planning every day to blend more and more into society whilst my schedule is wide open and free to actually live and love life :-) instead of hating and treating life as a burden and they call me the wierd one.

People in the world don't know how to keep the pointless 'no one could give a $hit' expierences to themselfs. ''Oh, I just went to the doctors becuz i had a cold...'' WHO CARES! GAH!

Wow,how did i stumble upon this one.I totally concur with the author,well done you to have lived with this for so long and to be honest enough to broach the subject matter I commend you,Garvan.

i was the same way when i was younger but found that the more you're in social situations, the more comfortable you will feel. Did you come from a family that criticized you all the time? I did and it killed my confidence and made me even more uncomfortable. I've learned to not worry too much what others think because they are probably more ****** up than you.Therapy helps too.....

You don't "have" to do anything. **** people and their stupid little drivel. I don't deal with these useless monkeys unless I absolutely have to.